Merry Christmas!!

Today is my last day in the office until January 5th, and I am *so* looking forward to the holidays!  Yes, even during a pandemic... even when the Christmas forecast keeps getting warmer and wetter every time I look at it... I am STILL super excited!!

A Covid Christmas will mean less hustle and bustle, and maybe that won't be such a bad thing.  Nowhere to go, nothing to do... beyond Christmas, I am looking forward to a week of just bumming around home.  Netflix binges (I'm lookin' at you, Virgin River Season 2!), trying new recipes in the Instant Pot, snacks and drinks, crocheting and reading, trying out some art supplies, maybe starting a new puzzle... Lockdown means that a lot of my normal post-Christmas activities won't happen (hitting up Boxing Week sales in person, visits with extended family and friends, going to the movies, etc...) but I'm a-okay with hunkering down and making the best of it.

I hope you are all able to do just that - no matter what your situation, make the best of it.  Find the silver linings and soak it up.  And may we all look forward to brighter days coming in 2021.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, friends!!

xoxo

A weekend before Christmas To-Do List!

One week, friends!  ONE WEEK!

Yes, even during Covid days, I am insanely excited for Christmas. Like, butterflies in my tummy excited.  I may be 37 years old, but a little 5-year-old still lives inside of me when it comes to the holidays!!

I know this year will be different.  I know we all have to make adjustments and sacrifices to keep our loved ones safe, and to help ease the burden on our health care system.  But even knowing all of this, you still can't wipe the excited smile off my face.  My favourite time of year is almost HERE!!

So what have I got on for the last weekend before Christmas?  Let's go bullet-form with a bit of a to-do list.  The BEST kind of to-do list, might I say!!

• Today when I get home from work, I'm going right into Christmas action.  I am SO looking forward to tonight!  I plan to get pizza dough fixings in the bread maker, make my last Christmas treat (pretzels with kisses and m&m's melted on), and finish up my last crochet gift project which is SO close to being done.
• Once all of that is finished, I am going to pour myself a glass - of rum & eggnog, or Pink Whitney & cranberry ginger ale, I haven't decided which yet - clear off the coffee table, bring down all the wrapping supplies, put on a Christmas movie, and begin WRAP FEST 2020!!  I love going into Elf Mode. Wrapping is my favourite part.  I cannot wait!!
• I shall take a pause once the pizza dough is ready to make supper - Friday night pizza on top of all the Christmassy fun? Can it get any better?
• My goal is to keep wrapping - and keep watching Christmas movies - until it is all done. Pause for some popcorn? Some chocolate sampling? Some more drinks? Sure.  Even if it takes til midnight.  I am just going to immerse myself in Wrap Fest and enjoy it, every little bit of it.
• Saturday morning, there will be some real work to do: wash bedding, vacuuming, tidying.  The usual Saturday morning chores.
• Once I'm ready for the day, I will bring up all of the containers of cookies and treats from my freezer that I have been stockpiling for weeks.  I will pack up containers of cookies for friends and family.  
• And then after lunchtime, I shall go delivering!!  I also will take the opportunity while out and about to drop off the last of the auction items still floating around my house.  Nothing better than a pre-Christmas drive around delivering cheer to loved ones!
• Tomorrow evening is always a special one - the last Saturday before Christmas. I will completely light up my house - every candle, every decoration I have that lights up... then sit in that Christmas glow and watch another movie (planning on The Family Stone) with snacks.  I love that last Saturday night before Christmas!
• For Sunday, I haven't much planned...which is a good thing, since I expect I'll be pooped from all my hard work on Friday and Saturday! haha!  I'll watch church and probably just spend the day lazing.  Last minute Christmas stuff will probably come up, too.  I'm sure it will be an enjoyable day, regardless!

What have you go on your to-do list for the last weekend before Christmas??  Enjoy folks!

And now, as Christmas draws near...

Ummm... anyone know where November went? And almost half of December, for that matter?

Time, she be a-flyin'!

So, it's my favourite time of year.  Even in pandemic times.  In fact, I think I might even like it more, if that's possible.

OK, no, that's not entirely true.  There's an added level of stress, and a provincial premier who one day said, "Yes, you can have Christmas gatherings of up to 10 people for 4 days!" and then two weeks later, said, "No, never mind.  Too much Covid. Shut it down."  So that part - the part where just getting to see my family is against the rules - makes me sad.  Terribly sad.

BUT.  The part where there's no parties or pot lucks or gatherings of any kind the whole month leading up to the big day?  It's kind of... wonderful.  December is always so flipping busy.  And I love it, really I do.  But this year, I'm soaking up the extra time. To bake, and watch movies, and crochet, and snuggle up and be cozy.  I don't hate that part.  Not at all.  I have a very hemitty side that is a-okay with this, in fact.

That said, I do miss normal old gatherings with my friends.  Some of my friends I haven't seen in months, pre-pandemic.  And I do miss them, very much.  I keep reminding myself that when we are finally allowed to gather again, it will feel that much more sweet to see them.

I have also learned not to let myself sink too far into my Hermit Hole.  In the past few weeks, I have had a few door visits with friends.  Where they have to come to my door for some reason, or I have to go to their door for some reason, and we stand a safe distance apart and chat.  I hadn't done that with anyone in a really long time, and it felt good.  Soul-warming.  So it's been a good reminder to me to make sure to keep doing that.  I don't want to go so far into my hole that I might never come back out.

Another thing that happened in November was that I helped host a very successful online auction for our church.  We haven't been able to hold our normal fundraisers, nor will we in the near future (ie, Christmas House Tour, Soup & Sandwich lunches, Irish Tea...) So we decided to do an online auction.  And boy, did our community step UP.  It has been amazing to see the support from near and far.  Overwhelming and so deeply appreciated!  But now we are in the aftermath - of trying to sort out payments and arrangements for getting people their items and putting them in touch with people who provided services, and it is chaotic.  I am a fairly organized person, and I have had trouble keeping everything straight.  80+ people wanting to pay, to pick up their stuff, to know who to call to make their arrangements... it's a LOT!!  So life has been busy with that as well, and we're finally whittling down to the last little bit of it.  Phewf!

Thankfully, the rest of my life is pretty much organized to the max.  I got my house fully decorated in mid-November, and all of my Christmas shopping completely done by December 1st.  Baking is well under way, as are my crocheted Christmas gifts that I have been working on.  I still haven't wrapped, but that is one of my favourite jobs that I usually leave closer to Christmas because I loved doing it so much.  With just over two weeks until the big day, I don't think I should have any trouble getting everything accomplished.

So... I'm feeling pretty good!  It's been a strange year, such a rollercoaster of emotions, that I really feel grateful to be feeling good and mostly happy these days.  There were a lot of days during the spring, and even into the summer, where anxiety gripped me and I didn't feel so good.  So I give thanks for these days when I'm not gripped with anxiousness all the time. 

I know it will be a different Christmas this year.  But I also know it will still be special.  Somehow, we will make it so.  I'm thankful that even though I live in a "Red Zone", the cases are low in our area and the situation isn't as scary here as it is in other places.  And while I know my opinion on vaccines is not shared by everyone, I am so very very grateful that they are coming, and that brighter days are ahead.

We are well into the last month of this train-wreck of a year, and I know it's not just going to end with the flip of a calendar page, but I am so looking forward to saying good-bye to 2020.  I don't know what to expect in 2021, but I'm ready.  And I'm hopeful.

As Halloween creeps closer...

• Halloween is now just a few days away, and I am so enjoying the spooky season thus far!  I only have a few movies left on my list to watch, and I shouldn't have any trouble getting them done by the end of the day Saturday.  I have my Halloween outfits planned for both tomorrow and Saturday.  My treat bags are all ready and I have a plan in mind for setting up outside safely for the trick-or-treaters. If anything, I almost feel a little bit sad that it's soon going to be over!
  
  
  
• At this moment, I am MOST excited about tomorrow evening.  Have I mentioned one of the few perks of Covid is never having plans?  I've learned that I really love never having having plans for a Friday night lol.  So my Mat Night plan is to make homemade pizza, cozy up, and watch at least two of the movies left on my Scary Movie list.  I'm thinking Doctor Sleep and Beetlejuice.  I might even throw in the Disney version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow if time permits.  I have snacks and I have a giant bowl of "extra" Halloween candy, hot chocolate, pumpkin scented candles, crocheting projects to keep me awake... perfect Friday night in my books!!
  
  
  
• It is kind of wild to me to think that in two weeks time, I'll be decorating for Christmas.  Almost unbelievable.  And no, I don't have to decorate for Christmas that early, but I LOVE having it done, I love how cozy my home feels when it is decorated and the only light in the room is the glow of the Christmas tree, and I love being able to enjoy it extra-long.  The weekend of Nov. 13-14-15 is circled for decorating, and it will be here before I know it.  Just crazy!!!
• I had an evening earlier this week where I felt kind of blue.  Not depths-of-despair like I felt in the spring, or even super-anxious like I felt for most of the summer... just a little tinge of sadness, as this pandemic stretches on and is starting to feel like it might never end.  Truly, I have become quite comfortable with this less-busy, no-plans, no-events life we are now leading.  But our PM said in a press conference that as Christmas draws nearer, it is looking less and less likely we'll be able to gather with our families.  That is honestly the element of all of this that bothers me most: not being able to be with my family, and feel safe, all under one roof.  I don't know yet how we are going to be dealing with this, and I guess we have to wait and see what restrictions and rules might be imposed, but my one greatest wish for this Christmas is to be able to gather at my mom's for our Christmas Eve games and snacks and fun, to open gifts together Christmas morning, and share our Christmas meal together.  I'll sacrifice everything else, if I can just have that.  Please, God.
• On the bright side... It isn't even Halloween yet, and I am almost done Christmas shopping!  I still need to get stocking stuffers, and tie up some loose ends, but for the most part... DONE!  Now I just need all the parcels to start rolling in...
• OK... this wasn't intended to be a Christmas post.  Or a Covid post.  Back on track, Jill!!  
• Remember in my last post, I told you all I got an Instant Pot Duo Crisp + Air Fryer?  I think I told you about it, anyways.  Well, guess where it is.  STILL in the box on the floor in my kitchen.  I keep reading up on it, storing away tips and recipes, and I can just picture all the fun I am going to have with this appliance in the winter, trying out soups and chili and mac & cheese, air frying everything possible, maybe even a whole chicken?? I'm excited.  Really, I am.  I just have to get it out of the damn box first...
  
  
  
• As I get older, I am realizing just how important sleep is to me.  I mean, I'm a pretty solid sleeper, I get between 7-8 hours every night, and I usually sleep quite well.  Last night, I stayed up to watch the finale of Big Brother (which ended exactly the way I wanted it to!!!) - and it was on from 9-11 pm.  A good hour after I usually pack it in for the night.  I decided to stay up anyways, because I was afraid I'd hear who won on Twitter or somewhere else before getting to watch it myself on the PVR.  This morning, I literally felt hung over. Groggy, tired, fuzzy-headed... when my alarm went off, I was like, "Are you KIDDING ME??"  And I stayed up ONE HOUR later than usual.  Oy vey!!  
• I feel like I did a really good job curating a scary, but not too scary, list of movies for myself this year.  So far, I've been able to sleep without trouble, and while I've had a few good jumps and gasps, nothing that has REALLY bothered me.  The Haunting of Bly Manor was probably my favourite (and I was so happy to have a real "binge", finishing it all within one weekend).  I was also really glad I finally watched Friday the 13th, and it was scarier than I expected...It probably didn't help that much of the movie involves teens running around in a thunderstorm, and then a thunderstorm actually started while I was watching it last Friday night!  I thoroughly enjoyed Scary Movie Marathon last Saturday, which included The Nun (insane craziness), The Exorcist (I had never watched the whole thing, and I admit I still haven't as I slept through parts of it), Premonition (I had already seen it, and it's not really scary, but suspenseful for sure), and Contagion (again, not classic scary, but considering our current state of affairs...)  The movie that probably bothered me most was Annabelle.  Apparently I really do not like possessed dolls... And of course, I always love those fun ones sprinkled in, like Hocus Pocus and Casper!!  It has been a fun season of spooky movie watching for me!
  
  
  
• As we sink further and further into this cozy, hygge time of year, I am really relishing it.  I can't wait to make a macaroni & tomato casserole, and try out a few new soup recipes.  I plan to rake leaves next week when the weather is a touch warmer, and I'm so glad the grass cutting is done for another year.  I have so many crochet projects in mind.  I just LOVE being cozy and soaking up this time of year!!!

Well, I think that's it for today, friends.  I hope you are all gearing up for Halloween, however you choose to celebrate it this year.  Enjoy it!! Happy Halloween!!

Random Thoughts: On Halloween and other things

• I know I've talked about this many times before, but my gosh, I love a dark and rainy day like this one we're having today.  I just adore this time of year.  Don't get me wrong, I love sunshine and heat and swimming as much as the next guy.  But these dark mornings?  Puddles?  Leaves collecting along the sides of the street?  Bare arms of trees reaching spookily across the grey sky? I get a little thrill of excitement from it, for SURE!
• Of course, the only thing that would make today even better would be if it was a Saturday lol.  These perfect rainy days never seem to fall on weekends!  On the radio this morning they said it was the kind of day you should "play sick" - but during a pandemic, "playing sick" doesn't seem appropriate.  Besides, my parents instilled in me a moral code that hasn't allowed me to "play sick" since I was a kid.  It never feels right and I never do it. 
• However, IF I was at home... I'd be preparing my Halloween treat bags, watching scary movies, reading my book, crocheting, sipping hot chocolate, eating popcorn, curled up and cozy under a blanket.  Which, let's face it, is what I have been doing every evening and weekend for the past month anyways, so I'm really not deprived.  It's just fun to daydream sometimes!
• The months seem to fly by lately, and October has been no different, yet at the same time, I'm loving that there's still a week and a half before Halloween.  I still have quite a few scary movies/specials to watch, and there's still so much time!  Halloween being on a Saturday definitely helps.  That WHOLE day to enjoy it... I love it!  And this coming Saturday is Scary Movie Marathon, so that will knock a few off the list right there.  
• So far this year, none of my scary viewings have bothered me much...except one.  This past Saturday, during the afternoon when it was still bright and  cheerful out, I watched Annabelle for the first time. And this is the movie that has done it. That frigging doll... traumatizing!! Ugh!! 
• So for Halloween, my mom and I have gone back and forth on what to do.  As of right now, our province is allowing trick-or-treating, with precautions.  So my current plan is to set up a table in the garage with our treats (pre-packaged), and hand sanitizer available.  We will wear face masks, and put the treats in their bags with tongs.  One family at the table at a time.  My mom hates the cold, so I expect she'll mostly stay inside and pop out once in a while to check out the costumes.  I don't know if we'll have as many trick-or-treaters (we never have a ton of them anyways, usually around 30) as families may be choosing to celebrate in other ways this year, but I'm glad that for those who DO want to trick-or-treat, the option is available.  As I said, with it being a Saturday, I still anticipate it being a fun day - scary movies and snacks, a few hours with Mom in the evening handing out treats... it will still be a great day!
• So, Amazon Prime Days were held recently, and I decided to make a big purchase just for me.  Is it something I needed?  No.  Was it a must-have?  Definitely not.  In fact, I still have no idea where I am going to put the damn thing because it's much bigger than I expected.  But... I bought myself an Instant Pot Duo Crisp!  It's the two-in-one model - both instant pot & air fryer.  I have had my eye on an air fryer for a while now, and then a bunch of my friends kind of talked me into thinking I need an instant pot.  As of right now, it is still sitting in the box on my kitchen floor. lol!  Like I said - it is BIG and it is heavy, and I have no idea where it's going to go.  I also have no idea what I want to try making first.  Decisions, decisions!
• Getting this thing home from the post office was quite an ordeal.  Jess at the post office warned me it was heavy and recommended I get my car, but I live two doors down.  Tough guy Jill says, "Oh, I think I can handle it.".  She opened the doors for me so I could get out, and then I start trotting home... about halfway there, my arms start to ache and wobble and all I can think is, "Please God, don't let me drop this, don't let me drop this..."  I made it to my house, pushed open the front door, and promptly dropped the box on the floor.  Then I saw the warning on the box that said in big black letters: DO NOT DROP.  Well holy mother trucker, how are you supposed to NOT drop it?!?!    I pray when I finally do get this thing out of the box that it works!!

Well, that's about all for today.  Hope you are all doing well, friends! :)

Life Lately...

Here's a "life lately" update, live from the Red Zone!!

• That's right.  On Sunday, the MRC I live in was moved to the "Red Zone".  Our province has a colour-coded alert system with varying restrictions, and due to rising case numbers in our area, we were Red Zone'd on Sunday.  Truly, it doesn't affect me all that much.  This level of alert means indoor dining rooms, bars, gyms, conference centres have to close... I haven't done anything but take-out since this all started, and we all know I don't go to a gym. ha!  It also means no private gatherings, but it does allow for people who live alone to have one visitor - so my mom and I are still good.  That has always been my main concern.
• Being in the Red Zone meant a much smaller Thanksgiving this year, but we had already kind of planned on that anyways.  Mom still insisted on cooking a turkey, but we did not have the whole family around the table as usual.  Instead, we settled for an outdoor socially-distanced visit on Monday.  And I keep marveling at how far I've come since last spring.  6 months ago, this would have devastated me.  Now, I'm okay with it.  I can handle it.  I just hope we don't have to repeat these "very different holiday celebrations" for much longer.  
  
  
  
• I managed to wound myself on Sunday. And, as usual for me, it is one of the most mysterious injuries ever.  Normal injuries don't happen to me, only weird ones.  I literally did nothing.  I was sitting almost all day.  Maybe that was the problem?  I don't know, but late afternoon, I developed a very sore leg.  Specifically behind my right knee, like it was tight and pulling, making walking difficult.  By Monday, it was almost impossible to put weight on that leg.  I was hobbling pretty badly.  And of course, my worry was growing.  I really don't want to have to go to a hospital right now.  Tuesday was still pretty bad, but yesterday seemed to be a bit better, and by last night, I felt like I was almost able to walk normally again.  Today, the tightness is still there behind the knee, but it's not terrible pain anymore.  I also seem to have a stiff and sore calf muscle, but again, not as bad as yesterday, and I'm able to put full weight on it now without feeling like it might give out.  It's still a big mystery to me, but I'm just glad it's getting better!
• If this had happened after one of the few times lately that I'VE FALLEN THROUGH MY GARAGE FLOOR lately, I might understand.  Yes, you read that right.  I keep falling through my garage floor.  sigh.  Back in the spring, I had a groundhog burrowing into my garage.  He was eventually caught in a live trap and re-located, and his holes into my garage were filled, but apparently he left tunnels under the dirt floor unbeknownst to me.  Why am I falling through them now? Why has this taken months?  Have I suddenly put on weight?? I do not know.  But let's just say I'm stepping very gingerly in there these days!!
• I so enjoyed my 3-day holiday weekend.  I feel like it was much-needed.  I did a quick house-cleaning on Friday when I got home so that I would be free to just enjoy the downtime.  I made homemade pizza and settled in to enjoy a weekend of crocheting, binging The Haunting of Bly Manor on Netflix, snacking, and resting.  I did make more pumpkin bread and I also made pumpkin fudge, whipped up a spinach dip because I'd been craving it, changed my bedding to my "winter" bedroom outfit... and just a lot of lounging, Netflixing, and enjoying.  It was wonderful!
• As for Bly Manor - I made it through the whole thing, and I really enjoyed it!!  I didn't find this one quite as scary as Hill House, but that's okay in my books.  There were enough jump scares and gasps for my liking.  Without giving too much away, I find both series kind of tied up in a "happy ending" of sorts, which apparently pisses off true horror fans, but works quite nicely for me!  I very rarely get to truly "binge" a series, so getting through all 9 episodes in 3 days felt like a victory!!
  
  
  
• The final season of Schitts Creek hit Netflix late last week too, and I've been dying to see it.  This TV show has been one of my greatest joys this year.  After hearing about it for years, I finally started watching it just before the pandemic hit, and those first five seasons brought me much-needed smiles and laughter during some very dark days.  I was so excited to see how the show wrapped up, plus it provided some light and fun viewing in between the creepy Bly Manor episodes.  I finished it up last night, and while I'm so sad that it is over, I am just so happy they went out on a high note and on their own terms.  I'm already looking forward to watching the whole thing again!
  
  
  
• I finally - FINALLY - finished crocheting pumpkins this past Sunday.  DONE with pumpkins for another year!!  I was so happy to sell a bunch of sets this year, and I'm so grateful that people seemed to like them and want them!  But after a solid month of crocheting pumpkins, I was super pumped to be done with them. lol!  On to the next project! A while back, my friend Lindsay showed me a few photos of a cute little crocheted toque she wanted for her little girl (and my god-daughter) Lainey.  She asked if I thought I could make it, and I said sure!  I really had no idea if I could do it or not, but I found a pattern and it sounded simple enough.  I tried it out on Monday, and I was SO happy with the results!!  Even better, Lindsay - and Lainey! - like it  too. How cute is she?! :)
  
  
  
• Yesterday, my nephew - the one who made me an auntie - turned 15.  How can this be?!  I remember the events of the day of his birth vividly.  I can recall his adorable little boy moments as if they happened yesterday.  I honestly cannot believe how fast the time flies... I was sad to be missing out on his birthday celebrations this year, but when I heard he requested shepherds pie for his birthday supper, then I didn't mind missing it so much. hahaha!!!  Not his auntie's favourite supper!! ;)
  
  
  
• This coming weekend is, of course, another quiet one on deck.  I might try to get the grass cut one last time for the year.  And since Bly Manor occupied most of my viewing time last weekend, I do have a lot of scary movies still to get through with ample time to do so.  I'm working on crocheted Christmas gifts now, so I'll have lots of time for that, and I think I'll get a pot of spaghetti sauce finally made for the freezer.  Covid sucks but I do so enjoy these quiet, low-key weekends!

I hope you are all doing well and staying safe.  Take care folks! :)

My favourite time of year, in Covid times...

Over the past month, we have had a few frosts, the leaves have changed colour and started to fall, and the cozy autumn feeling has enveloped me... My favourite time of year is here!

And yet, how can I really enjoy - truly embrace - my favourite time of year during these stressful pandemic times?  Everything is just a little off these days, tinged with fear, worry, and anxiety.  We are well into the "second wave" they have been warning us about all summer, and so far, it appears to be just as bad as it was in the spring, if not worse.  Yesterday, my province broke the record for most cases in one 24-hour period.  The case count in my area continues to climb, after we remained mostly unscathed in the spring.  The restrictions are increasing, the feeling of doom is impending...

And yet, it is still my favourite time of year, and my mood is remarkably different than how I felt in the spring.  When I step outside, I take a deep breath of that earthy autumn air and I smile at the colours, the cool air, the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet.  I have things I am looking forward to:  watching scary movies, binging The Haunting of Bly Manor, working on crochet projects, baking pumpkin bread and making spaghetti sauce.  Hunkering down and hibernating is something I am good at, and while back in the spring I grew terrified of it, I am now relishing it.

I guess back in March and April, everything was still so "unknown".  We now have almost 7 months of Covid life under our belts now, and while things are still scary, I have a little better understanding of what to expect.  Back then, I was most terrified of being isolated from my mother (we both live alone), hence, why I moved in with her at the time.  But now I am quite comfortable in knowing that even if things get really really bad and we are moved to the "red zone", I think I would still be allowed to visit her.

For now, I am keeping my bubble as tight as possible.  I go to work every day, of course, so I am exposed to folks in the office.  But other than that, I go to my house and my mom's house.  I have been around my brother and his kids.  And that's about it.  I only go to the store when absolutely necessary, and last week I stocked  up on groceries that should see me through til at least the end of October.

And truthfully, I have enough to keep me busy for a while.  I have a number of orders for crocheted items to complete, and as I mentioned, a lengthy list of spooky movies to watch.  I am also enjoying cooking and baking - last weekend I made pumpkin bread, meatballs, and scalloped potatoes.  This weekend, I'd like to try pumpkin fudge and maybe make that pot of sauce I picked up the ingredients to make.

Honestly, while I'm sad all of the fun fall things have been cancelled, I'm kind of soaking up all the spare time to just relax.  There's less running, less trying to cram everything in, less stress in that respect.  My sadness is mostly over the fact that this would normally be a time when we would celebrate Thanksgiving and my nephew Caden's birthday, and that likely won't be happening, at least not in our traditional way.  Yet I still anticipate that we will figure out a way to making this coming weekend special, and I'm hoping for at least a little outdoor visit with my sister's family (we haven't seen them much since school started, and boy do I miss them.)

Overall, I am in a much better place mentally that I was when the first wave hit, and as we come up to the time when we think of all we are thankful for, I am most grateful for that.  I hope that I can continue this way, and keep my spirits up.  And every day, I continue to hope for some good news... The numbers going down, maybe some kind of scientific break-through, news on a vaccine... anything that gives us hope that "normal times" might come again.  I have to have faith that this isn't going to last forever.

Another Rainy Day Randoms post...

• Another dark and gloomy day.  Another day that would be perfect to be curled up and cozy at home.  Oddly enough, I had no trouble hopping out of bed this morning, despite the darkness and the gloom.  Go figure.
• My impulse to start diving into my fall scary movie watching has hit very early this year.  Thoughts of what creepy stuff I'd be watching if I was at home today keep running through my mind... I see The Blair Witch Project has been added to Prime, and I haven't seen it since I was a teen.  I also keep thinking of The Exorcism of Emily Rose, since my brother and I talked about it not long ago (the scene where her boyfriend wakes up and finds her contorted on the floor is one of the most startling I've ever seen).  And yet, I don't want to get into it all too early and burn myself out.  I did that two years ago, so I have to be careful!
  
  
  
• One thing that I DO want to watch, and it will probably freak me out beyond belief, is  The Haunting of Bly Manor, which is coming to Netflix in October.  It is the next "anthology" after The Haunting of Hill House, which I watched in 2018 and was one of the scariest things I've ever watched.  The bent-neck lady haunted me for a long time.  But I have a different game plan this year.  Last time, I spread out watching the show, no more than one episode a day and usually in daylight hours so I wouldn't over-dose on scary.  But in the long run, I think it just dragged it out and I suffered longer because of it.  This time I want to watch it all in one weekend (probably the weekend it comes out - a true binge!), rip the band-aid off all at once... get a bunch of fun snacks and hit the couch and scare the bejesus out of myself.  Doesn't that sound like fun?!
  
  
  
• I know what you're thinking... this does not sound like it's fun for me at all.  So why do I keep doing it??  I have no frigging idea.  All I know is when the days start getting cooler and there's a hint of fall in the air, I automatically start thinking about scary movies.  It's like I'm programmed, or it's in my blood or something.  I have absolutely no clue.
• My September mission is to get through The Office, which I am re-watching on Netflix, so that I am free to move on to the scary stuff come October.  I have 3 seasons to go, and I have been flying through it relatively quickly, so I don't think it will be a problem.  I can easily watch three or four episodes in one sitting!
• So this coming weekend - the Labour Day long weekend - would normally be Shawville Fair, which of course has been cancelled due to Covid-19.  I anticipated feeling very blue going into this weekend, and yet strangely, I'm not feeling blue at all.  In fact, I'm kind of really looking forward to a weekend of nothing, just relaxing, maybe some house cleaning, crocheting, movies/tv, hanging with the fam... Doesn't sound too shabby, does it?
• I AM hoping to talk my mom into coming with me to get McDonalds take out at some point this weekend... I've been dying for McD's for a while, and while I'm still not comfortable with eating in a restaurant, I was thinking the drive-thru is very doable... This won't be easy though because my mom hates McDonalds.  Wish me luck.
  
  
  
• This week has been back-to-school for most students in our area, and for three of my nieces and nephews.  (Caden got pushed back to Sept. 8th for his start).  So I also anticipated feeling blue over that, my usual back-to-school icks.  And yet, I'm very confused, because I haven't felt the usual icks or end of summer blues that I normally get.  Like, at all.  Maybe because I'm just so glad to see something normal during these crazy days?  Maybe because I now celebrate the passage of time as I hope it brings us closer to a more "normal" life?  I don't know.  All I know is I don't have knots in my stomach this week, and that is new.
• This morning brought the news that yet another of my favourite annual community events has fallen victim to the pandemic.  No Car Rally this year. :(  I kind of get it, because I couldn't figure out how we would all safely gather in one space to hear the answers and find out the winners, which is a big part of the day.  I really hope that by next year we have run through the worst of this and we can start having some of these beloved activities again.  I will miss Car Rally, almost more than Shawville Fair!

That's all she wrote for today, friends.  Happy Wednesday!! :)

Rainy Day Thoughts

• Many of you know my penchant for gloomy rainy days... and here, we have one.  It's the first day in a long while where I've actually fervently wished I could have stayed at home.  (After almost 7 weeks off in the early Covid days, I swore I'd never complain about having to go to work again.)  But today... yeah.  Snuggled up in a warm blanket on the couch watching a scary movie or reading a book, baking cookies or making a pot of spaghetti sauce... there's just something about the dark days that make me crave being home and cozy!
• As fall begins to creep ever closer, and the weather starts to feel more fall-like, my longing for it grows.  I want to put out my fall decorations, and get pumpkin spice scents going in my Scentsy warmers and candles.  Yesterday, I did a quick draft of scary movies I want to watch, and I keep thinking of warm loaves of pumpkin bread and simmering pots of chili. While I'm still holding a bit of dread, not knowing what fall will look like in pandemic times, I'm starting to feel the excitement outweigh the fear.
  
  
  
• I have added a few new fall pieces to my wardrobe and I'm excited for the weather to be cool enough to finally put them to use.  A new pair of leggings, a few new sweaters, a long-sleeved tee.  I'm also excited for socks and slippers.  I mean, don't get me wrong, bare feet and flip flops in the summer make life so much easier, and I'm not ready to give that up just yet.  But if I was home right now enjoying the gloom?  I think I'd have my slippers on.
• Do you remember last week or so, I talked about a new book I was reading, but I wasn't far enough into it yet to know whether or not I was going to love it?  Well, I LOVE it.  It is called The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow, and it is such a delicious escape from reality right now!!  It is unlike anything I've ever read before, and far more fantasy than I'd normally read, but I am enjoying it SO much (now that I'm past the confusing early stages lol).
  
  
  
• I got my hair chopped off on Tuesday evening.  My first hair cut since February, and my first time having a shorter hairstyle in over two years.  I had really wanted to give long hair a try, and it took SO long to grow it out that it was hard to let it go, but I don't think it suited me.  My ponytail always looked so scraggly, and I never took the time to blow it dry and straighten it to make it look decent.  I enjoyed the ease of putting it up, but even that was a struggle - I never did master the art of the top knot, even when it got really long.  It's only been two days, but I'm loving my cute little bob, and so far it hasn't been as hard to maintain as I thought.  It's actually been easier.
  
  
  
• Lately, I have been daydreaming about an old restaurant favourite that is no longer available:  Kelsey's balsamic chicken penne.  I haven't had it in years, but I can't stop thinking about it.  The other day, I challenged my friend Lindsay (who makes the most delicious carbonara I've ever had) to replicate the balsamic chicken penne dish from our memories. She didn't waste any time, making it for her family for dinner last night!!  Even better... she packaged up some leftovers for my lunch today! yum!!! I can't wait for lunch!!!!
  
  
  
• I am STILL not finished my second Perfect Pocket Shawl.  ugh!  I keep printing off patterns of new crocheted items I want to try, yet I can't seem to finish the one that's holding everything else up!!  I have ONE pocket left to make, then to sew them on and sew in the ends... I'm literally like an hour or two away from being done, and yet I just can't seem to get the motivation to do it.  Saturday is supposed to be another rainy dreary day, so hopefully the cro-jo will find me!
• You know what a rainy day makes me think of?  Rainy day snacks.  I have a plethora of snacks sitting atop my fridge, yet the one I really wish I was home to crack open is a bag of cheese popcorn.  A (slightly) scary movie, a bowl of popcorn, a cup of hot chocolate... oh, I could just pretend it's fall for a few hours!!
  
  
  

Alright... that's all I've got for today.  I hope you're all enjoying your day, rain or no rain! :)

Calm before the storm?

I'm feeling strangely calm these days... I can't quite explain it.  After months of feeling tied up in knots and, on my worst days, like my insides were being squeezed in a vice, I have to say I'm appreciating this current calm, while also anticipating that it won't be long-lasting.

The back-to-school chaos will be starting by the end of this week and into next week.  As we all know, I don't like back-to-school time on a good year.  During pandemic times, I have been expecting it to set me off in ways I haven't even experienced before.  

And yet now, just a few days away, I have yet to experience the knots and squeezing insides and feeling like I'm on the verge of tears all the time that I thought I would have by now.  In fact, quite the contrary.  I feel hopeful.  Almost optimistic.  There has been so much worry and concern heading into this school year, but I have this trust that the government and school systems are going to do everything in their power to make this as safe as possible.  That they will be as prepared as they possibly can be.  And I know a few kids who are excited to be with their friends again, and are anxious to get back to this little bit of normalcy in their lives - even if it won't be the same as when they left it so abruptly last March.

I know, I know.  I don't have kids.  I can't possibly compare how I feel to that of the emotions that parents are experiencing as they get ready to send their children back out into the world.  My feelings are really irrelevant in all of this.  But oh, how I'm praying for them.  I'm praying that things go as smoothly as possible, and that maybe this year won't be as scary and as full of upheaval as we are anticipating.  That maybe kids are really getting good at washing their hands and maybe there won't be as much germ-spreading as normal.  That the masks will make a difference.  That there won't be any big outbreaks.  Wishful thinking on my part, maybe, but I'm doing my best to put it out into the universe and make it so.

For me personally, my biggest anxiety right now is waiting to see how it will go, and knowing we will have to keep our distance for a while until we see how it plays out.  It has been so nice to have family around this summer.  I haven't taken for granted our gatherings in Mom's garage, our swims at Donna & Eric's pool, our family BBQ's, our nights at the ball field watching Noah and his friends at T-ball, and our family holiday.  I remember those weeks back in March and April when we stayed apart, and how sad it made me feel.  I still haven't had any sleepovers or movie nights with my nieces and nephews, and it makes me feel bleak to know it might be another long while yet before we can really get back to normal.  I just hope we don't have to go back to that strict isolation again.

While I'm relatively calm, I do worry about things like Thanksgiving, Halloween, and Christmas.  I push them off in my mind because I can't let that worry consume me, at least not yet.  I worry about what will happen when it's too cold to congregate outside anymore.  I'm a fantastic hibernator, but I don't want to go for months without family gatherings again.  I don't even want to consider a world where our normal holiday traditions must be abandoned.

So for now, I just won't let my thoughts go there.  For now, I'll enjoy these last few days of summer, and the comfortable routine I have found for myself.  The low-key weekends of sitting outside at Mom's during the day, reading or visiting with family.  Going home to watch movies at night and crocheting.  Not having any big plans, just enjoying time and space to do the things I really love to do.  I didn't feel that way at all in the spring, and I am so happy to finally have it back.

Is this the calm before the storm?  Perhaps.  Only time will tell.  But I hope that the experiences of the last 6 months have made me stronger, and better equipped to deal with what comes next.  And I cling to the belief that the worst is behind us, and each new season brings us a little bit closer to "back to normal".

I have to have faith in that.

A boring ol' Random Thoughts post.

Back in the olden non-Covid days, I would often write "random thoughts" posts.  Why don't I do those anymore? I have no idea... but I'm feeling relatively "normal" this week, so why not.  Here we go.

• I have realized that this summer I have lost my cro-jo.  That's the term we in the crocheting biz use to describe our motivation.  I am severely lacking.  I made one of the Perfect Pocket Shawls that the crocheting world was all excited about earlier in the summer, and then I started a second one, but I have no desire to pick it up in the evenings.  None whatsoever.  I have several other projects lined up so maybe once the weather cools down a bit, my cro-jo will come back?  Let's hope.
• Maybe it's the lack of Shawville Fair this year?  For months, I was anxiously completing projects with the sole goal of entering them in the Fair this year.  And then the Fair got cancelled, of course.  My original thought was: "Well... extra time to get even more done.  And lots of time to do it."  because, of course, everything is cancelled from now til 2021 at least.  But honestly, I have completed very little to add to my Fair stash since pandemic times started.  I hope that will change come fall.
• I am in a very weird state of limbo right now.  I am anxious for fall, because I LOVE fall, but I am also nervous as hell.  First, I have to get through icky back to school time, which will likely be even worse this year because of all the uncertainty and worry about the virus, plus the lack of Shawville Fair to perk me up.  Secondly, they keep warning the second wave will likely come with cold and flu season, which equals... dun dun dunnnn...Fall.  And that makes me very nervous.  While I adore the thoughts of cozy clothes and pumpkin spice and making soup and watching scary movies, I also fear the unknown of what this season will bring in corona times.  I've been relieved to have some normalcy back this summer, at least being able to spend time with family and close friends, and I dread that being taken away again.  Oof.  Have I mentioned lately how much I am not a fan of this?
• I've been having a rough week with headaches.  It seems to go in spurts for me.  Weeks without any, and then when I do get one, it lasts off and on for days.  I had a rough one on Tuesday, I was fine yesterday, and then woke up with one again today.  Friggin sinuses.
• I got some really fun mail yesterday! For my birthday, my bestie ordered me a subscription to Sockbox.  Every month, a pair of fun socks will arrive in the mail, and the first pair came yesterday!!  I am looking forward to having all of these fun colourful socks to wear during the colder months.  I can't wait to see what the next pair will be!
• So, I'm re-watching The Office on Netflix.  I think it's the first TV show I've re-watched since getting Netflix.  I believe it is leaving next year, and I needed one more go-round with Jim & Pam (one of my fave TV couples ever).  And I thought I might not enjoy it as much the second time around, but it's the opposite.  I think I'm loving it even MORE.  So so good.  So funny.
• One thing I have done a lot of lately is reading.  I set a goal of reading 15 books every year, and often it is a struggle to get there, but I have already hit the mark for 2020.  Recent reads that I'd recommend:  The Girl from Widow Hills by Megan Miranda and The Chain by Adrian McKinty.  I read each of these books in less than a week, which is almost unheard of for me (I'm a slow reader).  I'm now reading a book my aunt got me for my birthday, The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow.  I'm not far enough into it yet to tell whether or not I'm going to love it, but it's very different from anything I've read before... we shall see!
• I have been craving brownies for weeks now.  I planned to make them last Saturday morning, but started to get my ingredients out and realized I didn't have one stick of butter in the house.  Thankfully, my mom picked me up a pound when she got groceries this week, so brownies are on the agenda for this weekend!  Yum!!
• So, sports are back and while I haven't really gotten into it myself yet, I know a LOT of people - my entire family, basically - who are very happy about it.  I know my mom for sure has been missing having something to watch on TV at night, and she's thrilled to have games back on again!!  My bro and bro-in-law said having hockey back is like having Christmas in August. I got excited about hockey coming back until I remembered the Sens suck and they aren't actually back lol.  I have more interest in the Raptors, as they are doing really well, but I have yet to put a game on to watch. Come playoff time, though, I'm sure I will be there!

Well that's about it for me today.  I hope you're all having a good week, enjoying the sunshine and summer heat!  Take care!!

Summering, Covid-Style

It's been a while, friends!

I'm still here.  Still doing okay.  Still not loving this "new normal", but this is a big one that is wayyyy outta my control.  

I have good days, and I have bad days (as I suspect most of us do).  As things slowly started re-opening and life slowly started to return to some sense of "normal", I began to feel much better, mentally.  But then a few weeks ago my anxiety started ramping up again.  I went through a few days where it literally felt like someone was squeezing my insides in a vice, I was so tied up in knots.  I guess these are the waves I'm going to have to ride for a while yet, as there still really isn't any end in sight for pandemic times.

I got a huge boost one day recently when news of a promising vaccine advanced to Stage 3 trials. One of my most trusted sources of info, Dr. Abdu Sharkawy (he was the doctor CTV News referred to during the early days when I was off) shared the news on Facebook and called it "a light at the end of the tunnel".  I was so excited that day.  Of course, in the days following, every article I read warned that the vaccine is still far off, months away, maybe mid-2021 at best, and even then not everyone will be able to get it right away.  Especially not someone like me, as I fall in the "worried well" category.  So... yeah.  Back to feeling kinda glum.

On top of it all... it's kind of been a rough summer, non-covid related.  A friend of mine lost her mother very suddenly in early July, and then my aunt passed away a few weeks later.  It has left my heart feeling heavy and sad.  It really has been a difficult season all around.

But!  But!!  I promise I'm still doing my ever-lovin' best to have a good summer.  Truly, the lack of planned activities hasn't been terrible.  It has meant more time.  More time for pool days and going to the beach; an afternoon on the pontoon with Kerry, Jeff & Brodee; family BBQ's and spending time with my nieces and nephews; reading, crocheting, watching Netflix... 

Best of all was my family's return to my aunt & uncle's camp on the Ottawa River last week, while I was on holidays.  We didn't get to go last year because of the floods, so it was so nice to get back to our little piece of heaven, and this time with ALL of us there.  I will hold such fond memories of our time at the camp this year.  Watching Noah bob in the shallow water, dancing with the girls by the camp fire, making s'mores, reading on the beach, fun rides on Big Mabel, playing Mexican Trains in the evening, watching Chris and Noah "race" their trucks, my paddle boat ride with Caden, delicious meals and snacks, floating on a tube in the water, our "snake sighting"... so much more.  The camp is always a good time, but this year it seemed extra-special.  I am so grateful we had a "safe" place to go that was close to home, yet still felt like a holiday get-away.  It was nice to relax, take some deep breaths, unwind, and not worry so much for a few days.

I'm back to work this week and for the most part, feeling good.  I'm trying to live in the moment and not stress too much.  I can already feel that bubbling back up again, with back-to-school just a few weeks away.  I never handle back-to-school well, and now with this added Covid stress, I don't expect it's going to be a fun time.  No, I'm not going to school.  No, I don't have kids.  So why worry?  Well many of my loved ones DO have kids and are worried, and I am worrying on their behalf.  Add to that, we will likely have to "separate" again from my nieces and nephews, at least for a while until we see how it goes, and that does not make me happy...

But it's only early August.  It's still summer.  I'm going to try to enjoy these last few weeks of warmth and sunshine and soak it all up, because we don't know what the fall will hold.  Normally one of my favourite times of year, I am feeling little tingles of dread, just because of the unknown.

I hope you all are having a great summer and doing your best to have fun!!

COVID-19 Purchases (aka, When I Learned to Love to Shop Again)

Hey friends!

So, we're three months into this awesome new world we live in (hardcore sarcasm, I still hate it), and things are slowly starting to return to normal.  Or some small sense of normal, anyways.  Here in Quebec, most stores are now open, and restaurants have been given the green light to re-open with physical distancing measures in place.  

What hasn't returned yet is my sense of comfort in actually going to any of those places.  I do groceries at the closest small-town grocery store during the evening when I know it's quieter, and I hit the pharmacy at the same time.  We've gotten take out a few times, usually from the chipstand here in town.  And that's pretty much it.  I haven't been to the city, or to Renfrew, or anywhere other than Quyon and Shawville really, since before pandemic times.  And I have no plans to go anytime soon.  I'm going to sit back and let the other eager beavers be the test subjects.  I'm going to give it a few weeks to see if they all survive.

What I have been doing, though, is on-line shopping.  It has always been my preferred method of shopping anyways, but even more so now during the coronavirus era.  Back in the early days, when I was twisted up with anxiety and feeling low, I didn't buy anything.  At all.  For weeks.  But when I returned to work, I told myself if I made it through a week without any meltdowns, I'd reward myself with a hoodie from Ottawa Valley Apparel, which was something I had coveted for a long time but held off from buying.

I made it through that first week back, and then placed my online order.  And then the floodgates opened.  I started filling online carts all over the interwebs, and my memory was refreshed on my Paypal password.  Most of the time, I tell myself to go for it because I'm not doing anything else - no dining out, no movies, no Walmart visits.  Most of the time, I tell myself they are worthy purchases because it's entertainment to keep me busy during these quieter days.  Most of the time, it is stuff I don't need and I should really stop it but... meh.  Weird times.  And the online shopping makes me feel better.

So here, without further ado, are a few of my favourite purchases that I have made during Covid-19:

Hoodie from Ottawa Valley Apparel (and a tank top and mug, too)

Mug from FanTABulous Designs

Our prime minister made me laugh when, during one of his press conferences, he said the term "Speaking Moistly" and it instantly went down in history.  The mug is one of the few reminders I want to have of these days!

YARN... ALL THE YARN

Covid days means more time to crochet.  I have made everything from bunnies to blankets to pot covers for plants to slippers.  I am anxiously awaiting an arrival of yarn to start making a pocket shawl.  Crochet has been my therapy.

Clothes from Old Navy

I had a gift card to Old Navy, so I picked up a few summer additions for my wardrobe, including the dress above.  They are still floating around in the mail system somewhere, but hopefully I'll get them soon.

T-shirts from East Coast Lifestyle

I ordered this T-shirt with proceeds going to the families of the victims who were killed during the rampage back in April, as well as a few other items.  I love the East Coast Lifestyle tees!!

And I purchased the following from Amazon:

A Journal

I'm still journaling my way through the pandemic.  I filled one journal already, and well on my way with this one.

Doctor Sleep on DVD

Since it doesn't look like I'll be going to the movies anytime soon... I splurged on this DVD for a movie night, as I loved the book but missed the movie last fall in theatres.

Fruit of the Loom Wireless Bra

I have four bras that I bought six or seven years ago at La Vie en Rose and they are getting mighty shabby.  I bought one of these on a whim from Amazon last year and it has been awesome.  So I bought another one!  Slowly replacing the ol' shabby ones. lol

Shampoo & Conditioner

I have been trying to go several days between hair washes but my greasy hair doesn't like it, and I have yet to find a dry shampoo that works well for me.  I decided to try this L'Oreal Extraordinary Clay combo and it has been a winner!  It's not perfect, but my roots are definitely less greasy on Day 2 and sometimes even Day 3 hair.

A League of their Own on DVD

My mom said she'd never seen it, and it's a classic.  I couldn't find it on any streaming platforms, but it was worthy of being added to my DVD collection anyways.  I love this movie.

Firestick

I gave my mom my Chromecast from my TV in my room when I moved in with her at the start of the pandemic.  When I moved home, I left the Chromecast there, and got a new Firestick for my place.  I like the Firesticks better and have one on both TV's at home now.

Crochet Hooks

I have a million crochet hooks, why do I need more?  Well, I've realized the slim aluminum hooks are the ones I prefer, and I needed a few in sizes I didn't have, so... it was cheaper to buy the whole set than just the particular sizes I needed.

Tankini

Will we be allowed to have beach days and pool days this summer?  God, I hope so.  I was leery of buying a swimsuit off Amazon, but this one had good reviews.  They claim it's good quality and true to size.  We shall see, as it has not arrived yet.

Sport Socks

I only have black sport socks and I hate the look of black socks in sneakers on bare legs during the summer.  So I got some white (colourful) ones.

Wine Tumbler

Because I have come to look forward to my weekend drinks...  Pink Whitney or White Claw will taste so much better a cute tumbler, right?

Who need a store to go shopping, amirite??  Online purchases for the win!!!

Learning to live in this world.

Well, what a difference a month makes!

It's been almost a whole month since I last posted, and while a lot has changed, we are definitely still living in pandemic times.  And I definitely still hate it.  

But.  BUT.  If the month of May has taught me anything, it is that I can live in this new world.  I don't have to like it, but I can find small sparks of joy.  I can be productive.  I can contribute.  I can find things to look forward to.  And I can enjoy my days.  Despite this stupid damn virus, I can live in this world.

On May 4th, I went back to work after 7 weeks off.  Those 7 weeks are not ones I look back on fondly... they were spent in fear and anxiety, literally waking up each morning with the thought that "Ugh. The world has changed, and I hate it." Followed by:  "I can get through another day...I can do this."  But I struggled to focus, I accomplished little, and there was not a whole lot of joy in my days.  I was nervous about coming back to work, but as the coronavirus pandemic lingered and they warned it wasn't going away anytime soon, I knew I had to get back on the horse.  I couldn't stay home for months and months.  I had to figure out how to make this work.

Being back at work has definitely been good for my mental health.  It is our busiest time of year, and this year is no different.  Being busy during the day gives me purpose, keeps me occupied, and I have less time to think.  I wipe my desk down several times a day, I wash my hands or use hand sanitizer approximately 8 million times a day, and they have taken measures in the office to allow for physical distancing.  I allow myself to check in on what our PM says in his morning press conference, I check updates on the status in Quebec and Ontario, and I look for the numbers in the Outaouais, but otherwise I stay away from the Covid news (and social media in general).  Truly, most days, I haven't had time anyways.  The busy-ness of the season has been a blessing.

A week after returning to work, I started sleeping at my own house again.  I still spend most of my time at my mom's - eating meals there, spending nice weekend days on her patio reading or crocheting, etc. - but I go home to sleep.  Just being back in my own bed, and getting some time to watch Netflix stuff that my mom doesn't want to watch (currently, Ozark), has felt good and restored some normalcy in my life.

Last Wednesday was probably the best day I've had since March 14th.  That was the day the province of Quebec announced that groups from 3 households and up to 10 people could now gather outdoors, keeping the 2 metre distance.  This means my family could now get together to have a BBQ or a visit.  I can't tell you how my spirits soared at this news.  As our province has been gradually lifting restrictions, this was by far the most exciting news I had received yet.  I really don't care about hair salons or shopping malls... what I have missed is our family gatherings.  A few driveway visits and drive-by's have not been enough for me.  I miss them tremendously.  And now we have permission to gather.  This news was so good for my soul.  

That night, I went grocery shopping for the first time since the pandemic started.  The grocery store I usually go to in the neighbouring town is not huge, and it is quieter in the evenings, so it was the perfect time to dip my toe in the waters.  I can't tell you how GOOD it felt to just get groceries!!  I also hit the pharmacy, and had the place to myself.  The whole trip was very successful, and the more times I go "out" - which isn't often - grows my confidence and makes me feel more comfortable.

I've come to the realization that I'm okay living in these days.  I can hang here for a while.  I no longer wake up in the mornings with a pit of dread in my stomach, and I don't spend each day just trying to waste time to pass another day away.  I have come to look forward to my new little routine, my evenings at Mom's crocheting and watching TV, going back to my own bed.  The anticipation of a Friday night, going to Marcotte's to get a treat, having a drink, watching a movie.  Having time on Saturday to cut the grass, then spending the rest of the day outside enjoying the nice weather.  Enjoying food again - my God, what a relief to enjoy food again!

I still wish I could have a girls night or attend book club.  I miss eating at restaurants, and going to the movies.  Sleepovers with the kids.  Strolling through Wal-Mart.  Going to church.  The excitement and anticipation of big events in our community, like Canada Day or Shawville Fair.  Making plans.  This new world feels very unfair and it's something I still very much wish had never happened.  It's definitely not a world I want to live in forever.

But I'm okay.  I've come a long way.  And for now, I can do it.  It's a simpler life, a quieter life, with more time for hobbies and just relaxing.  It's not as awful as I originally thought.

I still pray every single day for a vaccine, a cure, or even a treatment.  But in the meantime, I am proud of myself for learning to live in these pandemic times. I just hope we can get through this, get back to normal sooner than later, and then never have to do this again.