Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Confessions: On Nick Voss, Smart KD, and Bullies

It’s time to pour my heart out, via Mamarazzi’s Friday Confessional.


I confess…that I watched some of The X Factor over the past few weeks.  I told myself I wouldn’t, because who the hell needs Simon Cowell when you’ve got STEVEN TYLER BABY!!!!  That’s right, I was going to be faithful to American Idol and boycott The X Factor.  But curiosity got the best of me.  And honestly?  I saw enough good stuff that I’ll definitely be tuning back in for the boot camp episodes coming up.

I confess…that one of the guys I’ll be keeping my eye on is Nick Voss.  He was the first contestant that really impressed me.  And he sang an Elvis song, “Trouble”.  I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out why he charmed me…

Nick Voss

I confess…I could look at those dark puppy dog eyes all day.

I confess…that I actually ate and ENJOYED the “Smart” KD this week.  I wouldn’t exactly call it “health food”, but I guess if you’re jonesing for KD, as I do from time to time, it’s better to eat the “Smart” kind.  Right?


I confess…I wish they made a “Smart” poutine.  Or a “Smart” hot dog.  How about a “Smart” Big Mac?  I need to get somebody on this.

I confess…that I’m enjoying the book I’m currently reading, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult - but it’s disturbing me.  It’s a heart-breaking story in general (about a high school shooting), but I can’t stop thinking about this one part.  There’s a  flashback on the “villain”, Peter, at age 5.  So excited to get on the school bus with his new Spiderman lunch kit, so excited for his first day of school.  Within minutes of getting on the bus, he’s bullied and the other boys throw his lunch box out the window.  It breaks my heart every time I think about it.

nineteen minutes

I confess…that if I ever have kids, I might have to home school them.

I confess…that while I was never one of the cool kids in school, and I was bullied sometimes, I often think of this one time when I was the bully, and I so regret it.  Our class went skating at an outdoor rink across the road from our elementary school, and there was this boy in my class who was kind of nerdy and he was having trouble on his blades.  You know that scene in The Cutting Edge where the figure skating girl makes fun of the dude for having trouble with his toe-pick?  Well, I was doing that to this boy.  Every time he stumbled past me and fell, I’d shriek, “TOE PICK!!!!” and laugh at him, and he ended up in tears.  I could almost cry myself, thinking about it now.

I confess…that the book really has me thinking about bullying and why kids do what they do.  There’s no excuse for shooting up a school, but you have to wonder how far some kids are pushed in order for them to do something like that…  It scares me.

Okay…so maybe not the most uplifting post I’ve ever written?

But that’s what’s on my mind this Friday.  If you’d like to confess, head on over to Mamarazzi’s and link up!

Have a great weekend, everyone…And if you get a chance, do something nice for someone. :)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

WWTKW: Ah, food. My favourite subject.

It’s We Want to Know Wednesday Q&A!!!


The lovely hostesses, Mamarazzi and Queso, are asking questions about food this week.

Food??  Yo, I’m IN.   Due to my current lose-weight-project, I’m not getting to eat much of it these days, so I might as well talk about it instead!

Here are the questions:

1. What is the one thing (food or drink) that you MUST have everyday?  I don’t have any supreme addictions to caffeine or chocolate.  Back in the day (like, one month ago) I would’ve said chips, but as we all know, I have cut the chips & all of my other evening snacks right outta my life.  So I have the unfortunately boring answer of water.  I could not survive the day with a million gallons of water.  And I don’t need to Crystal Light that shizz up, just give ‘er to me straight and cold, thankyouverymuch.


2. What is your "go to" food when you don't feel well/need comfort?  Well, generally when I’m not feeling well, the desire to eat goes out the window.  (This is how we know Jill is really sick.)  So generally, in those situations, I go for the old childhood sickie foods my mom used to serve – chicken noodle soup, toast, ginger ale.  As for comfort food?  That could be any number of delicous delicacies – pasta (lasagna or spaghetti), chili, cake, McDonalds…I’m famous for soothing myself with food.  And it’s usually very, very bad for me.

3. Is there a dish that you make that people request when they visit your home/a family favorite?  Not really.  I usually make some sort of pasta dish for pot lucks with the friends, but no one ever really requests it.  I’ve made homemade pizza for my family and friends and they all seem to like it.  And at the office, they seem to enjoy my lasagna (which I have to make for them soon!)


4. What are 3 foods that you have TRIED and do not like and will NEVER eat again?  1) cooked or canned mushrooms (I have just recently discovered I actually like raw, fresh mushrooms, but I don’t think i could ever stomach them cooked or out of a can); 2) Sushi – really didn’t enjoy it; 3) Escargots – my uncle made them once in these little pastries with lots of garlic butter – but I just couldn’t get past the rubbery texture.  YUCK!

…and our final question comes from Dee at Homesick Cajun

5. What is one thing that you love to eat that people would think is weird and/or gross?  I don’t know if I really have anything gross… I know how Amber feels about poutine, but I think she’s one of the rare few who think it’s gross.  (Her and my mom!!) 


My dad used to make peanut butter & raw onion sandwiches and I tried it once and really liked it, but I haven’t eaten that in years…  I don’t know!  I think that’s about as weird & gross as it gets.

I love food…I could talk about this all day!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Let’s Talk…Male Figure Skaters. Or just one in particular.

I was home sick yesterday.  Yuck.

But I did have a highlight to my day.  And believe it or not, it involved a male figure skater.  And he is going to be the topic of my discussion today on Talk  To Us Tuesday, hosted by Impulsive Addict and Shawn!!


First of all:  MY FRIEND SHEENA FIXED MY TV FRIDAY NIGHT!!!  Woooo hoooooooo!!!  Apparently all it was was this little button on the back that had got switched.  Ever since she switched it, it’s been good as gold.  I haven’t had to fiddle with any chords or anything!!  *knock on wood*

So now that my TV is functioning again, I’m back in the TV swing of things.  Monday nights aren’t exactly big TV nights in my world, but last night, with nothing to do but lie on my couch and feel yucky, I tuned in to Battle of the Blades.


For those of you unfamiliar with the show, it’s like Dancing With the Stars, Canadian-style.  They take a bunch of former NHL players and pair them up with world-renowned female figure skaters.  The guys have to train hard, to soften their crusty edges, limber up, and learn how to work the toe-pick. Each contestant is playing for a charity of their choice.  After the judges award their marks, the public gets to vote on who they want to see stay in the game.  Each week, another skating duo are axed, eliminating them from winning the prize money for their charity (I think it’s something like $25,000.)

So this year, Battle of the Blades got off to a rough start when several weeks before the competition was to begin, one of the contestants slated to take part in this season, former NHL tough guy Wade Belak, was found dead.  He allegedly took his own life.


But Battle of the Blades has decided to carry on without him, with former NHL player and former Battle of the Blades competitor Russ Courtnall stepping in to take Wade’s place.  Courtnall’s father committed suicide when he was a young boy, so naturally Wade’s sad and untimely death hit him hard.  He offered to compete in honour of the charity Wade had chosen.

Despite the Belak tragedy, Battle of the Blades has a fun new scenario for the viewers to get excited about.  For the first time, a female pro hockey player is taking part in the contest.  Tessa Bonhomme, an Olympic hockey gold medalist for Canada in 2010, is going up against some of the best female figure skaters in the world.  And lucky ol’ her…she gets paired with David Pelletier.

david and tess

Man.  Sucks to be her, eh?

So yes.  I’ve had a little crush on David Pelletier since 2002 when he and his partner, Jamie Sale, won gold in pairs figure skating at the Olympics after a giant controversy.  The win threw them into the spotlight, landing them spots on high-profile American talk and comedy shows.  They were, literally, the talk of the Olympic games.

David & Jamie gold

Not long after, I was walking down a sidewalk in Ottawa on my way to school when I spotted them.  They were incognito – dark shades, tuques, hoods.  Clearly not wanting to stop and sign autographs.  Clearly not wanting to be noticed.

But I was starstruck.  I guess I was staring, because as Jamie got closer, she dropped her shades an inch, smiled and winked at me, then followed David as he ran through a crosswalk and ducked into a Starbucks.

One of my very few “celebrity encounters”.

The thing that I love about David Pelletier?  He’s not your typical fruity male figure skater.  You know.  Like this guy.


Literally.  I Googled “Fruity Male Figure Skater”, and this picture came up.

David, on the other hand, looks more like the boy next door.  He’s built.  He’s handsome.  And he has such a great smile.


david pelletier

david pelletier 2

Of course, I also fell in love with the fact that his on-ice partner was also his real-life love.  Following their big Olympic win, Jamie and David truly became Canada’s sweethearts when they got married and started a family.

david and jamie

david and jamie 3

david and jamie baby

Like, seriously.  How hot is HE?!?!  Don’t you agree?   In this case, it’s gotta be okay to have a crush on a male figure skater, right??

I mean, just look at his arms.

david and jamie 2

And just look at him with his baby boy, Jesse!!!

david and baby

You know me… A hot man holding a baby…

I die.

So there’s some bad news.  While Jamie and David are still skating partners, and both still working for Battle of the Blades (in the past she’s been the contestant while he’s been a trainer – this year, obviously, the roles are reversed) – they divorced in 2010.  My heart broke a little at this news.

BUT.  There’s a silver lining here.  Because David is now SINGLE (as far as  I know). 

And that, of course, makes watching him on Battle of the Blades that much more fun.

Naturally, he and Tessa got the highest marks from the judges out of all the performances this week. 

My David’s gonna win this thing. :)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Confessions: Cookie Monster & Win a Baby Daddy

It’s that time of week again!  Time to ‘fess up.  Mamarazzi demands it.


I confess…I’m very excited to have the ladies in this evening.  I’m hosting a Lia Sophia jewelry party.  I love so many of their pieces, and I’m so excited to see if my friends and family are as smitten as I am!

lia sophia

I confess…that I had my first real “cheat” moment last night while preparing the food for the party.  Not that I’ve been entirely saintly for the past month when it comes to food, but all other “cheat” moments had been carefully thought out and planned ahead of time.  This was not.  I had a container of MacMillan’s White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookie dough in my freezer, and decided to bake them up for the party.  When the first batch were fresh out of the oven, I jammed not one, but TWO!!! of the hot gooey cookies into my mouth before I could even process what I was doing.  I was literally left looking down at the crumbs in my hands going, “Huh…??  What…what just happened?”  I also broke my “no food after 7 PM” rule, as this transgression occurred at approximately 7:30 PM.


I confess…that I have vowed not to eat any more of them tonight.  And if there are leftovers, somebody’s taking that crap outta my house.  I clearly can’t be trusted.


I confess…that I dreamed I had a baby this week.  Not even the deep-fried kind.  A real one.  It was the happiest dream I’ve had in a long time.

I confess…to saying out loud yesterday that I wished I could enter Hot 89.9’s Win a Baby contest.  (A local radio station that is having a contest, geared towards couples that are having difficulty conceiving.  The winner will have their fertility treatments paid for.)  Unfortunately, infertility isn’t my problem.  (At least, not that I know of).  My problem is finding the…fertilizer?


I confess…that I then said – OUT LOUD – that I wished Hot 89.9 would throw a “WIN A BABY-DADDY” Contest.  That’s more what I’m looking for.

I confess…that my mom is probably going to kick my ass for writing this baby stuff.

I confess…that my diet (ie: food I can’t have) and babies probably occupy too many of my thoughts…

And that’s all I’ve got for this week!  Hope you all have a great weekend and Happy 1st Day of Fall!!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sometimes, I pretend I’m on a cooking show.

Oh, c’mon.  You know you do it too.

Cooking is one of my favourite things to do, and there’s nothing I enjoy more than puttering around my kitchen, talking to myself as though I’m a real-life world-famous chef on a cooking show.  Giving directions to my “audience”.

Now you’re going to want to use your sharpest knife for this, and be sure to chop up the onion as finely as you can.

I even sometimes do this with Kraft Dinner.  It depends on your preference how much milk and margarine you add.  Some like it really soupy, so in that case you’ll add extra milk.  I personally like it thickened up, so I minimize the milk and margarine to give it a nice, creamy consistency.

Oh, I can turn anything into a cooking show.

Ever since Lena at Mom2MemphisAndRuby posted about Diet Coke Sloppy Joes, I knew I wanted to try it.  Lena got the recipe here, but I added a few little twists of my own.  This was DELICIOUS, so I wanted to share it with you!

What you’ll need:


16oz extra lean ground beef (or whatever you use. You could also use ground turkey, but as you know, I’m still trying to develop a “taste” for it and I just couldn’t risk using it in sloppy joes!)
1 cup Diet Coke  (or Diet Pepsi.  I’m a Diet Pepsi girl.)
2/3 cup ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp mustard

I also added a bunch of fresh garlic, onion, peppers, and carrots in an effort to get my veggies in, of course!


If you’re using the onions, garlic, carrots, peppers, or any other veggies, go ahead and cook them in a bit of oil (I used Extra Virgin Olive Oil) to soften them up first.

Brown ground beef & drain.  Add to the veggies, if you’re using them.


Add the rest of the ingredients and stir well.


Cook on low-medium 30 minutes or so uncovered so sauce can thicken.


This picture may not do it justice, but trust me.  SO GOOD.  Best Sloppy Joes I’ve ever tasted!  I ate mine open-faced on a piece of Country Harvest Ancient Grain toast instead of a bun, but I would also eat it again on it’s own without bread.  (Trying to cut bread out as much as possible.)  I paired it with the Swiss Chard I had sauteed in olive oil and garlic the night before.  Looks gross, but also quite yummy.  At least for “healthy food”.  It would also be great with a side salad or baked potato wedges.

Number of servings = 4
WW points = 6

So thanks for dropping by Jill’s Grill (this is the name of my fake diner/restaurant/chipstand/whatever – thanks to my friend Susie for coining that one for me!!) 

Be sure to come back next week when we’ll be cooking something else…who knows, might just be the good ol’ KD!!  (Actually, I’m not even joking.  I bought a box of the “Smart” KD.   I may have to do a review.  I’m not convinced that KD can be healthy.)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Stuff I won. And other stuff.

I’m often heard lamenting the fact that I am NOT LUCKY.   I never win anything.  Contests, draws, BINGO…nothing.  I quit buying scratch lotto tickets because the most I ever won was enough money to buy another ticket.  And of course, I’d lose on that one.

So you can imagine my delight over the past little while when my luck started to change, just a teensy bit.

First of all, I’ve been entering giveaways on Blogs for months and that was only reinforcing the idea that I’m insanely unlucky in my mind.  Those stupid little widgets NEVER picked me.  EVER.

But then one day, back in early August, I had an email from Lena at Mom2MemphisAndRuby to tell me I had won her Soleil Selene necklace giveaway.  I was so excited!  I received this lovely necklace in the mail a few weeks ago:


I also recently won a free My Memories software download over at The Testosterone Three And Me.  I haven’t had a chance to play around with it yet, but I’m looking forward to trying it out.  It just might finally get me back on the scrapbooking train!

Last week, I won a giveaway at Nay’s blog, Cover To Cover…And Everything In Between.  From her, I get a set of cards from Sara’s Organized Chaos.

And then this week, I won again!  Another win over at Mom2MemphisAndRuby, this time I get to choose a necklace from Nicole at Miss Mommy’s Etsy Shop.  This is the one I think I’m going to pick:

necklace 2

And…AND!!   I had almost forgotten about something I had won last spring, non-blog-related.  At the Fashion Show I went to in May, I won one of the door prizes.  It was a $100 gift certificate for fresh produce and frozen products from a local organic farm, Bryson Farms.  I came across the envelope containing the gift certificate last week by chance, and realized that it said the basket would be available for pick up in August or September, and to give them two days’ notice before going to pick it up.  I emailed them immediately and went to get my winnings on Saturday morning.  Check THIS out:


This picture does not even show the frozen foods, which I had already put in the freezer.  Included were red & yellow peppers, a hot pepper, a bag of red potatoes, spring mix, garlic, decorative gourds, cantaloupe, beets, turnips, swiss chard, yellow beans, green beans, parsley, 6 cobs of corn, red carrots, yellow carrots, an assortment of tomatoes, an eggplant, squash, some little bags of herbs, and something that I’m still not sure about…we think it might be bok choy.   For the freezer I received a cauliflower-crust pizza, a tomato tart, a squash cake, and a vegetarian lasagna. 

…And I think that’s it, but I could be missing something.


Let’s just say the first thing I did was call my mom to come down and help identify some of it.  Even she wasn’t sure and had to call my aunt and describe it to her.  Apparently we’re very sheltered around here when it comes to our veggies.  Then we spent the afternoon making tomato sauce, and cooking and freezing as much of the veggies as we could so that it wouldn’t go to waste.  There was no way, even with my current healthier eating habits, that I was going to be able to use up all of this before it went bad!

So yes.  Someone PLEASE remind me of all of this the next time I complain about never winning anything.

In other news, my TV’s being an asshole.  I don’t know what is wrong with it, but it needs some serious attention.  A few months ago, my satellite dish started acting funny, cutting in and out like it would normally do in a storm, but doing it at all hours of the day, no matter what the weather was like.  I had chalked it up at the time to the dish being in line with some trees that were getting bigger, and figured they were interfering.  But one night, while unplugging the Wii (I have to unplug the Wii from the TV to hook the DVD player up…it’s confusing…and clearly another reason why I need a husband.  To figure this crap out for me.), I hit a chord or something that made my dish magically return to normal.  I was thrilled that I had figured it out.

Unfortunately, ever since, I have to wiggle and play around with the chords everytime I want to watch TV.  And one night last week, I must’ve yanked or twisted or something too hard, and now it’s not working at all.  Perfect timing for a TV meltdown.  PREMIERE WEEK.   I’m so out of the loop in the TV world.  I totally forgot about Ashton Kutcher’s first episode of Two & A Half Men  Monday night, and had to go racing to my mom’s to catch Glee last night.

It was sad enough that I was one of the few people left in the world without a DVR; that I was still taping things via VCR.  And no Internet, also.  Now I DON’T EVEN HAVE A TV.  Just call me the friggin’ Pioneer Woman.

I’m so unlucky.


And last but not least, I’d like to take a minute to wish a very HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY to my friends Sara & Graham’s baby girl, Charlotte!

IMG_3861 IMG_3875


A year ago, I was waiting around for Sara’s sister Kelly to call me with the news of Baby Dowe’s arrival.  I was expecting that call to come at annnnny minute!

Charlotte took her sweet time, though, and it wasn’t until much later on in the evening that she finally made her appearance.  I still can’t believe it’s been a whole year!!  

On Sunday, we all gathered to celebrate Charlotte turning 1 and it was so much fun to watch her daintily sticking her fingers in her “smash cake”, and the excited sounds she made just simply opening her cards.  I’ve never seen a baby who took such an interest in cards and clothes before!

Wishing her a wonderful 1st birthday and looking forward to watching her grow in the year to come. :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Let’s Talk…Thai Massage. And why I love it.

I had big plans for this week’s Talk To Us Tuesday, the new “no rules – just talk” linky party hosted by Impulsive Addict and Shawn


I was going to share some pictures of some cool stuff I recently received.  But that post is going to have to wait, as those pictures are still on my camera and not on my computer.

BUT!  don’t worry.  I still have things to talk about.  I mean, I’m a girl.  I always have things to talk about.

This week’s topic:  Thai Massage.

Don’t know what that is?  I didn’t either, until recently.  But I had my first Thai massage on Sunday and ohmygahhhhhhh  it was good.

The best part?  It happened on a complete whim, on my parent’s living room floor, while I was lying on my favourite blanket, wearing a pair of oversized pj pants and a sweatshirt. 

Can you say COMFY?!?

See, my brother’s girlfriend, Amanda, has recently changed her career path.  She is now teaching Yoga, and she is starting into Thai Massage as well.  Given that I have taken an interest lately in Holistic Health (inspired by reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, as well as by Steph at Newleaf Wellness, and my own attempt to lose weight and become a healthier ‘me’), Amanda’s passion for Yoga & Thai Massage has me intrigued.

I’m not ready to jump on the Yoga bandwagon just yet.  As I explained to Amanda, I played around with a few of the ‘moves’ (what do you call them?  poses?  whatever, you know what I mean) on my Wii Fit, and I am far too large and off-balanced to do Yoga.   I tried out two of them, and not only did it hurt, I was also apparently very bad at it.  My computer-animated trainer told me so.


Amanda asked which ones I tried.   One was just deep breathing.  The other was leaning over to the side as far as you can go.  So basically I suck at breathing and stretching.  Go me.

I think I need to get skinnier before I tackle Yoga any further.

But the Thai Massage??  Now that’s  something I can totally get on-board with.

Amanda put a call out to her Facebook friends last week to let them know she was looking for “guinea pigs” after taking the Intro to Thai Massage course.  She needed some people to practice on.   Before long, she had 30+ comments from people willing to “help out”.  I was one of them.

So on Sunday, when she & Luke were at my parents’ place, I volunteered to let her practice.  I’ve had massages before, but I think what I loved about the Thai Massage was that I got to wear comfy clothes.  That’s right, no stripping down to nothing but a towel.  You get to wear your comfiest sweats.  Sweet, right?

According to Wikipedia, Thai Massage is explained as follows:

The massage recipient changes into loose, comfortable clothes and lies on a mat or firm mattress on the floor. It can be done solo or in a group of a dozen or so patients in the same large room. The receiver is put into many yoga-like positions during the course of the massage.

The massage practitioner leans on the recipient's body using hands and usually straight forearms locked at the elbow to apply firm rhythmic pressure.

I’m not going to lie.  There were parts of it that were painful.  Luke was watching from the couch and he was taking quite a kick out of some of the faces I was making.  It was the part when she worked on my inner thighs that hurt the most, but she explained that many people carry their emotional baggage there.

Apparently I had a lot of emotional baggage stored up there.  Yeeesh.

Otherwise, though, it was very relaxing and it sure worked out the kinks and pains I had in my neck and back that day.  My legs also felt so good when the 45-minute massage was over.  When she was done, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

Thai Massage = awesome.  I highly recommend it.

So that’s what I’m talkin’ about this Tuesday!  Be sure to go visit Impulsive Addict and Shawn, grab their cute little button, and tell them whatever your little heart desires!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Confessions: On Top Gun & Subway

Friday.  As usual, time to confess.  Linking up with Mamarazzi.


I confess…that I’m spending my evening with Maverick tonight, and I’m quite looking forward to it.  I love Top Gun.


I confess…I think it’s an absolute travesty that my friend Lindsay has never seen Top Gun.  This is why I’m forcing her to come and watch it with me tonight.  Seriously.  How can you have never seen TOP GUN?!?! 

I confess…that when I was a kid, I think I made most of my friends watch Top Gun when they had sleepovers at my place.  They probably hated it.  It was either that or Blue Hawaii.  My two favourite childhood movies.  Both still excellent choices.  You can’t go wrong with Tom Cruise (pre-crazies) and Elvis Presley (pre-fatty/death).

tom cruis & elvis

I confess…that any post where I get to play around with pictures of young hot Tom Cruise and young hot Elvis…is a good post.

I confess…that you know I must have had a lame week when all my so-called “confessions” have to do with Top Gun.

I confess…that I felt like a Subway newbie last night when I went in to grab a quick bite while shopping.  It was, quite possibly, the first time I’ve ever gone in and not automatically asked for a 12” Turkey & Bacon on cheese bread with swiss cheese and lots of mayo and southwest sauce.  I even accidentally asked for a 12” then had to correct myself.

I confess…that I was quite happy with my 6” Turkey on 9 grain with lots of veggies and honey mustard.  I didn’t expect it to taste so good, and still be in the “low-fat, low-calorie” department.


I confess…that I realize I have slipped from Top Gun to more diet talk.  We’ve gone from bad to worse.

I confess…that I’m going to have do something really bad next week to spice these confessions up.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend, everyone!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Single Girl Files: Standards. There's a reason for them.

So. It's been a while since I did a Single Girl Files post, but don't get too excited. It's not because I'm all in love or anything. My single girl status has not changed.

Lately, I've been thinking quite a bit about standards. Most of us girls have them. There are certain things that we can accept in a man; other things, we cannot. Deal-breakers. You know what I'm talking about. And I seem to have a lot of them.

It's true. I've been called "picky" before. My friends will have a guy all lined up for me, I take a quick inventory of what he has to offer, and then curl up my nose. "Nah. He's wearing a striped shirt with checked shorts. No can do." or "His name is Winston. I can't date a guy named Winston."

You know. That kind of thing.

Shallow? Perhaps. But we all have standards. And a few years ago, I learned pretty quickly that I'm not willing to bend too many of my standards.

It all started the night before my friends Sara & Graham's Stag & Doe party...

I was at Gavan's. Naturally. And I *may* have had a few drinks. There were two "new" guys standing at the bar. One was quite attractive, the other was...not. But after trying to flirt it up with the hot one (in other words, drunk slobbering all over him. nice.), he finally flashed his wedding ring. Ahhhhh. Time to back off. I get it.

(SIDEBAR: I'm terrible for not looking for rings. It just never crosses my mind to check. You would think, after all these years, I'd know better. ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE RING, JILL.)

Anways, Married Guy's buddy, the not-so-attractive one, kept talking to me. I had my beer goggles on. I didn't dis-engage. In fact, I encouraged him to come back the next night. Sold him tickets to my friends' mixed party. The next thing I know, he's walking me out and giving me his card. HIS CARD. The first time in my life that a guy gave me his number. I was soooo excited and soooo drunk that I sort of didn't notice that he had a really REALLY big nose...

Until he showed up again the next night at Sara & Graham's party. That's right. He actually came. Wearing a Hawaiian-print shirt. Tucked INTO his jeans. And only then did I realize he had very, very big nose. Ichabod Crane-ish.

You think I'm exaggerating. I am not.

Ask my friends who were present. They saw him staring at me and chasing me around all night. They thought this predicament of mine was just priceless.

Literally everywhere I turned, he was there. I'd be coming out of the washroom and I'd run into him in the hall. Everytime I came out of the kitchen to bring the midnight lunch out? There he'd be. I made sure to dance with alllll of my friends' boyfriends that night - and the bride-to-be's dad - to ward him off of asking me to dance.

Nick, the owner of the bar, even gave me a lecture. "You're not being very nice to that boy. He came back tonight to see YOU! YOU told him to be here!"

How do you politely say, "I'm sorry, but I didn't take the size of his shnozz into account. And he definitely wasn't wearing a tropical shirt tucked into his jeans last night..." ???

It's mean. I know. But don't judge. You know you have standards too. (And I'm assuming guys have them too, and that is why I'm still single...)

So. I think we've established that a big beak and tacky, tucked-in shirts aren't going to fly with me. But please, allow me to share a list of things that I am looking for in a boyfriend/future husband. If you know of anyone who has any or all of these qualities, please direct them to me:

  • Must have a normal name. Or at least a name that can be shortened or nicknamed into something cooler. I just can't deal with Winston. I'm sorry. (PS - no, I don't know any guys named Winston. Just an example.)

  • Money is a good thing. I always tell people I need a rich man so that when we have kids, I don't have to go back to work. My dream is to stay home and raise my children, like my mom did with us. I realize that most normal families aren't able to do this anymore. Hence, the reason he needs to be a pro athlete, or recently have won the lottery.

  • He needs to be a Sens fan. You think I'm kidding. Well...maybe it's not a complete deal-breaker. But he needs to at least be a hockey fan. And if he's a Leafs fan? We may have some serious, serious issues.

  • Nice car or truck = big points. I drive a '97 Rav 4. It would be nice to drive around in a newer vehicle from time to time. The nicer and newer, the better. It will impress me. A Mustang is a big plus.

  • Must be able to look good in ball pants. You guys know I have a thing for ball pants. Some guys can pull it off. Some can't. This is important to me.

  • Can he play guitar? Please? I'm a sucker for a guy who can play guitar and sing. Plus, it would feed my dreams of us one day becoming Johnny and June.

  • A cottage. And a boat. Musts. I want to live on the water. Or at least own a place where I can go to be on the water on weekends. So yes, it would be handy if he already came with a nice cottage and a fast boat.

  • Sweet but not cheesy-romantic. I don't think I could handle the cheese. But when I say, "Do these jeans make me look fat?", he needs to know exactly the right thing to say. Otherwise, he's a goner.

  • WANTS KIDS. This is a given. I want babies. And I'm not gonna wait forever.

  • Willing to let me be his stylist. I've made a big to-do over Big Beak's Hawaiian shirt. Truth is, that's not a deal-breaker. Some guys just don't have a clue. I get that. It's okay. But please, let me take you shopping. Let me show you what I like to see on a guy. If I can groom him, we'll be okay. (But the nose? That was just too much.)

  • It would be good if he looked like Wade Redden. Even just a little. It would help.

  • Come on, one of you must know a dude who fits the criteria. Hook me up.

    Wednesday, September 14, 2011

    WWTK Wednesday: Takin’ a road trip

    This weeks “We Want to Know”, hosted by Mamarazzi and Queso, is all about road trips.  Linking it up!!


    {1} What are 3 must haves for a long road trip?
    {2} What was the destination of your most recent road trip?
    {3} What do you miss most about home when on a trip?
    {4} What is the furthest you have traveled on a road trip?
    {5} Will you "stop for the largest ball of twine, etc" or are you a "hurry and get there" road tripper?

    Here are my answers:

    {1} What are 3 must haves for a long road trip?  Tunes, snacks, and a good book. 

    {2} What was the destination of your most recent road trip?  I guess that would have been last summer, when I went with my brother and his girlfriend to Midland, MI for the ISC Tournament of Champions.  About a 12-hour drive, including stops for bathroom and food, and a long-ass wait at the border.

    road trip

    {3} What do you miss most about home when on a trip?  Absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, MY BED.  Followed closely by family and friends who aren’t with me on the trip – I wish I could go somewhere and take EVERYBODY with me.  And my bed.  When I came home from Cuba and climbed into my bed again for the first time, I swear it felt like it was made of puffy clouds and angel wings.  Heavenly.


    {4} What is the furthest you have traveled on a road trip?  I’d say that trip to Midland was the longest.  I took a high school bus trip to New York and Washington, but the drive to Midland definitely felt longer (I have no idea, geographically, which is further).  I like road trips, just not long long ones, and I was starting to get a little punchy by the time we got there.


    {5} Will you "stop for the largest ball of twine, etc" or are you a "hurry and get there" road tripper?  Depends on who I’m traveling with and where we’re going.  Usually on the way there, I’m up for more stops (especially if they include food, and I need to pee like every twenty minutes, so there really isn’t much choice.)  But to get out and do photo ops and sight-see on the way?  Can’t say I’ve ever done that.  Even LESS likely on the way home.  I’m a homebody, so by the time the trip is winding down and we’re heading for home, I just want to GET THERE.

    home sweet home

    So.  Now I’m definitely feeling the urge to take a roadtrip!!  Who’s with me?!?