The Single Girl Files: Blame it on the A-a-a-a-a-alcohol

The original title of this post was going to be "Things you're not supposed to tell a boy the first day you decide you like him".

Then I realized, especially after another drunk disasterpiece that was my St. Paddy's Day romp at Gavan's this past Sunday, that I don't usually say the wrong things to boys when I'm sober. It's clearly the booze that turns me into a crazyperson and sends them running for the hills.

Sober Jill isn't going to spill her life story and freak the dude out. Even slightly-buzzed Jill can keep her shit together.

But then...Then we cross a line. Then Drunk Jill shows up, and all hell breaks loose.

It's the reason some people call me "Sadie" - that's my drunken alter-ego. She has lots of fun. She chases boys around like a maniac and tells them the stupidest things she can think of, and sometimes she bursts into tears for no good reason. And then, at the end of the night, she goes stomping home, usually mad at someone, and then gets on the Blackberry and starts drunk-texting and drunk-facebooking.

Not cool, my friends. Not cool at all.

So I blame Sadie for a big part of why I'm single. Sober Jill can't talk to boys (she gets tongue-tied and just can't speak). Drunk Jill can talk to boys - but says all the wrong things.

Here's some samples of actual things I've said to guys while inebriated, trying to impress them, usually on the first night I decide I'm in love with them:

1. "I looooooooooooooooooooove you."



2. "Please tell me I don't look fat in these jeans? Oh, whatever, I know I look fat in these jeans."



3. "I'm not being negative. I'm a realist."



4. "If we get married someday, will all of your brothers have to be in our wedding?"



5. "I know I'm not supposed to tell you I want babies, but I do. Like, a lot. And, like, soon. My biological clock is ticking!"



6. "Did you know I have bug spray in my purse?!!?!!"



7. "Buy me a drink. You'll be even hotter if you do!"



8. "If you want me to, I'll get on-stage and sing a song for you!!"



9. "I lost 20 lbs, and if you'll go out with me, I promise to lose 50 more!"



10. "Don't you think Wade Redden is the hottest hockey player ever?"



11. "I'm Luke's sister. Luke's much louder sister."



12. "Did you just call me Leigh Chapple?????"


13. "Will you marry me?"



14. "Let's DANCE!! C'mon, puhleeeeeeeeeeeze???"



15. "Seriously, I'm like the last single girl in the world. There's definitely something wrong with me."



16. "Do you want to live in Quyon with me? Forever?"

Oh wow. That was embarrassing just to write.

I don't know why I (or should I say, "Sadie") think it's funny to put myself down and call myself fat. I even got a lecture on self-confidence about a year ago from a guy about that! But still I do it... I also don't know why I think it's so important to tell people who might know my brother that I'm his sister, like he's some kind of "superstar" or something. (Trust me, he doesn't like when I do that, either!) And of course I know it is absolutely insane to mention weddings, houses, babies, love, and the future. Seriously, who does that??

And for the record, nobody ever called me Leigh Chapple.

It truly isn't a mystery why I'm still single, is it?

So I blame it on the bar. Blame it on Sadie.

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

(PS - While this post may lead you to believe otherwise, I'm not an alcoholic. Promise. In fact, I keep Sadie locked up most of the time now. It's that odd occasion when she breaks free...It's never pretty...)

Baby Fever...Or Maybe Not.

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love babies. Always have. From the time I was a little girl, I've always been drawn to little ones. I adore rosy-pink baby skin and their sweet baby smell and their soft, cuddly baby bodies. (But you're not supposed to tell boys this, at least not right away. More on that in the next The Single Girl Files post...)

I was two when my brother was born, so I don't remember what it was like to have Baby Lukey around. I only remember him as a toddler and beyond. From the time I was five til I turned turned twelve, I used to beg my mother to have another baby. I would've loved another new baby sister or brother.

She never had another one. And so, for all these years, I've been pining over other peoples' off-spring, and dreaming of one day having my own.

Luckily for me, lots of people around me have been popping out the kiddies over recent years. My niece and nephew, of course, are the closest I have to my "own". But I also have an amazing group of close girlfriends who have been re-producing lately. And quite a large crew of them were all gathered in one spot on Friday night!

My friend Hollie sent me a text last Thursday to invite me to her parents' place for a "girls night", just like we used to have when we were teens. I knew right away that all the babes would be there, and I lamented to my mom that I would be the only one there without a child. She told me to bring one of my old dolls.

Haha, very funny.

In any case, I didn't need to bring one of my own. There were plenty to go around. Hollie's twins Kaylee and Jessica, Sheena's son Bryce, Vicky's toddling little Cameron, and Caryl's infant Leah were all under the age of one. Also ripping around the house were Stacy's 4-year-old Maddy, Vicky's two-year-old Julia, and Caryl's 5-year-old Gracie.

I hope I didn't miss any.

And man, was that one busy house!

I wish I had pictures or videos to show you of the extreme cuteness that was in one room. I mean, watching Bryce do "the worm" on the floor was enough to make my night right there.

And then there was my main man Cameron. Cameron and I bonded back when he was just a little tiny baby, and I've always had a soft spot for the handsome little guy. On Friday night, I discovered a new way to win Cameron's heart: Cheesies. Everytime I pulled one out of the bag for him, he'd squeal and smile as though I'd just found buried treasure. I loved it.

But where there is Jill and children, there is usually calamity too. After feeding one of Hollie's girls, I made the child spew up her bottle and the Baby Advil she'd been given for her cold. Then I knocked over my own can of pop. And spilled another baby bottle. Next, I accidentally stepped on Maddy's hair while she was lying on the floor and made her cry.

When I left at 1 AM, Hollie and Caryl were both still up, trying to get their babies to sleep. And I was pooped.

I get baby fever a lot. Everytime I hold one of my friends' babies, or when my sister's kids are around, I start yearning for my own. I want a little person to want me the same way I see other people's babies wanting them.

But if there's one thing I learned last Friday night, it is this: Babies are a lot of work. Okay, I already knew that, but it really sank in that not all babies go to sleep at 8 PM and stay there all night. Not all babies stop crying when they're dry and fed and being rocked.

Babies are exhausting.

So my admiration for all of those ladies in that room went up a notch.

All of their children are absolute stars. And I'm glad they let me hang out with them so that I can get my baby fix.

It should keep the fever at bay, at least for another little while...

Another Reason to Hate the Big Zee

Everyone else is talking about it. I figured I’d better weigh in on the topic, too.

If you’re a hockey fan, the hit that Zdeno Chara of the Boston Bruins laid on the Habs’ Max Pacioretty on Tuesday night at the Bell Centre in Montreal is old news.

It’s been the hot topic on Canadian sports and news stations for four days now. And it isn’t fading away. Not in the least.

I didn’t see the hit live, but later that night, as I checked my Twitter feed, I knew something big had gone down. The sports reporters and hockey players that I follow were all talking about the Chara hit and debating whether or not it was dirty.

First thing Wednesday morning, I hit up Youtube to see for myself. And honestly, when I first watched it, I couldn’t believe Pacioretty’s head was still attached to his body after Chara slammed him into the stanchion by the Montreal players bench. As he lay prone on the ice, unconscious, the medical staff attending to him were literally looking for a pulse. He was taken from the ice on a stretcher, then rushed by ambulance to hospital, where it was discovered he had a severe concussion and a broken 4th cervical vertebrae.

At the time, Chara was given a major penalty and game misconduct. On Wednesday, the NHL announced that no further disciplinary action would be taken against Chara. The powers that be deemed it a clean hockey play, and that Pacioretty had the misfortune of being at the wrong place on the ice at the wrong time; that had Chara rubbed him into the boards anywhere else in the rink, it wouldn’t have even been a topic of conversation. It was the the fact that he drilled him into a steel stanchion at the edge of the glass by the benches that caused such a severe injury, and because of the speed of the game, Chara likely didn’t even realize where he was when he finished his check on the Habs forward.

Bad timing. Unfortunate. Just part of the game...

Normally, I buy into the belief that hockey is a dangerous game, and that by stepping on the ice, players are accepting the fact that anything can happen when they’re out there.
But in recent years, and especially this season, with the game’s biggest young star, Sidney Crosby, forced out of the game indefinitely by several concussions, the talk on headshots and how to eliminate them from NHL hockey has grown into a major issue. Chara’s hit on Pacioretty has only escalated these discussions.

The backlash over the Chara hit grows daily. First it was shock and outrage over the fact that Chara wasn’t suspended. Pacioretty himself issued a statement from his hospital bed saying he was disgusted that disciplinary action wasn’t taken against Chara. Then Air Canada, a sponsor of the National Hockey League, issued a letter stating that if the NHL doesn’t begin to take steps to make the game safer and take serious action against players who target other players’ heads, that they may be forced to withdraw their sponsorship. And today, after infuriated fans in Montreal jammed up 911 emergency phone lines by calling to report Chara’s hit, the city’s police have opened a criminal investigation into the incident.

Woah.

Yes, this is a serious matter. If you don’t believe me, just watch the replay of the hit. Trust me, it will leave a sick feeling in your stomach. You won’t want to watch it again. It’s as close to human decapitation as I ever want to see.

If I was a Habs fan? I’d probably be royally pissed too.

I do have to admit, though, that I’m not Zdeno Chara’s biggest fan. Zee and I go way back, to the days when he was one of Ottawa’s top 2 defencemen.

Guess who the other one was?

The summer that Chara and Wade Redden both headed to unrestricted free agency, team management scrambled to get them both signed to new contracts, but Chara refused to take a pay cut to stay and play in Ottawa. So the team had to make a decision. Redden or Chara?
They showed loyalty by signing Redden, a player who had been with the organization since his rookie year and had always been a strong member of the community and one of the best on the ice. They let Chara walk. Redden’s game quickly declined thereafter, while Chara went on to become the captain of the Bruins and has received Norris Trophy for Best Defenceman consideration every year.

I literally tear another clump of my hair out everytime I hear someone say the Sens made the wrong choice by keeping Redden and letting Chara go.

So no. I wasn’t his biggest fan. Even before the horrifying incident of earlier this week.
Many sports talkshow hosts and analysts claim that this isn’t typical of Zdeno Chara’s character. He’s not a malicious player. He has no record of previous suspensions, despite being one of the biggest players in the game, at 6’9” and 250 lbs. Some have even suggested that he’s an emotional guy who will be affected by this long after the rest of the hockey world has forgetten.
But I’m not so sure. I’ve watched the replay. More times than I’d have liked to. And I have to say, it sure looks to me like Chara knew exactly what he was doing. It even looks like he gave Pacioretty’s head that extra shove into the turnbuckle. I don’t believe he intentionally wanted to break the guy’s neck, but it was a reckless play. I don’t care how fast he was going. It sure looked to me like he knew where they were on the ice and that he was about to really potentially hurt the guy.

He didn’t care that they were nowhere near the puck. He didn’t let up. He didn’t try to stop it.
He gave that extra shove.

Just finishing his check, you say?

Blame it on the construction of the rinks. Blame it on that stanchion. Blame it on the league for putting it there.

But I think Zdeno Chara should be shouldering at least some of the blame. Players need to be more careful out there.

Before someone is killed.

Ding-Dong, Russell is Dead! / Mediocre Night on Idol

Survivor and Idol night...and once again, massive conflict. I do not like that these shows are on at the same time. And yes, I do live in the stone age. I do not have a PVR or DVR or whatever the hell they call them. What I do have is a VCR, but seriously? I couldn’t be bothered. You have to find a blank tape or at least a tape with something you’re okay with taping over, and you have to make sure no one is watching anything else at that time on that TV, and you have to find the channel and set the recording time. Too much work.

So what you’ll continue to get are half-assed Survivor and Idol recaps until the creators of these reality TV gems get their shiznit together and put their shows on different nights. Or at the very least, different times.

With that said, let’s get to it. First up, Survivor:

- Oh yes! Someone lifted Phillip’s ban of silence! Which means we had another fun episode of listening to his craziness! Phillip’s back, baby!

- Holy mother of GOD. They can show me all the snakes and creepy crawlies and jungle monkeys they want, but when the camera flashes on one of those large, furry spiders, I literally shriek. Every.time.

- I’ve decided that Mike has lost the title of Hottest Survivor this season. He’s been bumped by Grant. Super sexy hot stuff. And an ex-NFL player. Droool.

- Russell met up with Matt on Redemption Island for the big showdown. And what a showdown it was. Russell’s former tribe sent Ralph and Sarita as their witnesses, while Rob’s tribe gladly shipped off Phillip and Kristina, probably hoping for a break from listening to Phill brag about his super secret intelligence training that he got while employed by three different levels of the US Government. (Tell us about it again, Phillip, we might forget it if you don’t repeat it over and over). In a delightful surprise, Matt beat out Russell, and for the first time in history, Russell Hantz is officially out of the game of Survivor before the final Tribal Council. LOVE IT! Of course he didn’t go quietly, though. He shed a few crocodile tears before announcing to the other tribe’s witnesses that Ralph had a hidden idol and who was in alliances on his tribe. Lucky for Rob, he had blabbermouth Phillip there to report it all back to him.

- And of course, that’s exactly what Phillip did. He couldn’t wait to get Rob off to the side and begin spinning the yarn of the Redemption Island Showdown. But Rob didn’t have the patience for Phill’s drawn out rambling, and tried to get him to spit it out a little more quickly. Fave moment: Rob, in the midst of Phillip’s long-winded intro to the story, going, “Huh?” and Phillip exploding, “Rob! Just listen to me! Let me just tell you what happened!” Rob, wide-eyed, snapped back, “Well then tell it!!”

- Around this time, I swear I heard footsteps on my stairway. SWEAR. And it’s been over a week since Paranormal Activity 2. This is why there is no Criminal Minds for me on Wednesday nights anymore, Kenny.

- Grant, you’re hot. You’re the super sexiest Survivor since Colby. Don’t ruin it by wearing your dreads in a knot on top of your head like Pebbles. I don’t like it.

- Rob told his group he had to go “relieve himself”, and instead went hunting for the hidden idol. He found it, but it took him a long time. By the time he made it back to the beach, they must’ve been thinking he dropped one mean deuce.

- Off to the challenge we go. What is this? A friggin Craftsman Tools commercial? That’s some serious advertisement pimpin’ if I ever saw it. With Russell gone, his old tribe had no reason to throw this one, and while it was close, they got it done. Again. Four challenges, and they’ve won 3 of ‘em. The only one they lost was because they tried to lose it. C’MON, Rob! Time to step it up!!

- I absolutely adore Phillip’s post-loss pep talks to his tribe. Almost as much as I love his hot pink undies.

- Despite the fact that the entire tribe was thoroughly annoyed and exhausted with Phillip, Boston Rob was more focused on sending Kristina home. He organized a split vote in case she had another hidden Idol, and let the two ding-dongs duke it out at Tribal Council. Not as entertaining as Phillip’s very first Truth Circle, but not a bad TC. In the end, Kristina was the one who received the most votes and was sent to Redemption Island to snuggle with Matt.

- Speaking of Matt – I don’t generally like long-haired boys or boys with ponytails, but if anyone can pull it off, it’s him. Yummy.

And now, on to Idol. Keep in mind I could only catch bits and pieces of the first hour on Survivor commercials, so I didn’t get to see everyone. But here are a few of my observations of the Top 13.

- I was so excited when Lauren said she was going to kick things off with my all-time fave Shania song, “Any Man of Mine.” Unfortunately, she didn’t quite pull it off. I don’t think she’s going anywhere, though. The girl has big, BIG potential. But she was no Shania last night.

- Ashton went all Diana Ross this week, and they brought in some Motown bigwig to see her perform. I’m thinking he probably could’ve stayed at home. I wasn’t impressed.

- Okay. What am I missing with Paul? I know he has a lot of big supporters out there, but seriously? Was he drunk up there? It wasn’t his song choice. (I like Ryan Adams). It wasn’t his voice. (I really actually like it). It wasn’t even his clothes. (But I hate the skinny pants on dudes. Just sayin’). It was his jumping and stutter-stepping and twitching and weird facial expressions and half-closed eyes. Dude was mother-effin’ DRUNK! Or HIGH! Or maybe BOTH!! Whatever it was, it was distracting. Did not enjoy it. At all.

- I tuned into Pia half-way through her song, and actually thought they were re-playing last week’s performance. It was super-strong, once again, but the girl’s gotta move away from the power ballads if she’s going to keep me hanging on.

- Thia Megia. Meh. I like her voice, and I think she’s one of the strongest young singers they’ve ever had, but I didn’t really dig it this week.

- Haley! Love love LOVED it!! She sang LeAnn Rimes’ “Blue” and she did it justice. One of the judges remarked her versatility, going from an Alicia Keys song last week to a country classic this week. Whatever works, baby!

- Stefano, what is this? You’re totally adorable, but I did not love this Stevie Wonder dance re-mix. You need to be better than that for me, Stefano. I need you to wow me.

- Is it really possible that I have a crush this big on Steven Tyler? Oh my...

But at least that means those of you worrying about my Bieber love can relax a bit.

- Scotty McCreery. He’s the country boy with a voice like George Canyon. Deep and soulful and rich as chocolate. Last night, he sang a Garth Brooks classic that is near & dear to my heart, and he nailed it. This boy is definitely the next big thing in country music. I loved it.

- As far as I’m concerned, they saved the best for last. Naima, thus far, hasn’t been my cup of tea, but she took Rihanna’s “Umbrella” and made it her own. Girl busted out some dance moves, she brought some rapping and reggae to the stage, and I thought she rocked it. The judges said she was pitchy, and maybe she was, but I was too wrapped up in the magic of her performance to notice.

Overall, not my favourite week of Idol in the history of the world. But I missed Casey and James, two performers I’ve had my eye on since the audition rounds, so I can’t really judge. It will be interesting to see who America sends home tonight!

And that's a wrap on your weekly mish-mash Survivor/Idol recap!!

My First Backflip

From the very limited prior knowledge I had of NASCAR, I knew there was a driver who did backflips when he won.

What I didn’t know was that my driver is the guy who does backflips when he wins.

On Sunday, I finally realized it while celebrating in my living room the big Carl Edwards win at the Kobalt Tools 400 at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

That’s right, folks. Third race of the year, and my pick in the pool paid big dividends!!

That being said, I still can’t call myself a full-fledged race fan. I’ve realized the past two weekends that watching races is a lot more fun in Dale’s garage, surrounded by snacks and people to chat with. When I’m at home, on the couch, I’m much more likely to fall asleep rather than stay captivated by the race. Even with my guy running in the top 10.

So it isn’t surprising that on Sunday, I wasn't really paying much attention. I only knew Edwards was doing well because my brother kept reporting to me what position he was in. (I’ll also use a mild hangover as an excuse. I really just needed to sleep.)

My mom’s absolute favourite part of race Sundays is the fact that if the race runs a bit late, that usually means the boys end up jumping away from the table repeatedly to check on the standings. And that’s exactly what they were doing this past week. Supper was served - a lovely chicken dinner - and Mom was growing increasingly frustrated that Dad and Luke kept leaving the table to “check on the race”. Especially since my sister’s family usually stays for Sunday dinner and it’s tough to keep two little kids in their seats at the table when the big people keep taking off to watch TV.

She was fairly ticked when Luke shouted, “6 laps to go and Edwards is still leading, Jill!!” And then I left the table to watch the end of the race.

It’s really a miracle that she still feeds us, isn’t it?


When Edwards crossed the finish line in first place, I started whooping and cheering, and my little nephew Caden joined me, while everyone else went back to their meal. Caden and I stayed to watch Edwards’ celebration, and we were both delighted by the backflip.

The win felt good. My first real win as a NASCAR fan. And the realization that my driver is the supercool one who flips off of his car after a win.

Sweet!

Russell...DETHRONED??? & The Idol Ladies

Wednesday night. Jill's Big TV Night.

And I've realized we're going to have a conflict. Survivor and American Idol, on at the same time. Oh, the decisions.

So last night, seeing as I had already missed hearing the boys sing on Tuesday, I decided to keep my focus on Survivor, while catching bits and pieces of the ladies singing on commercial breaks.

We'll start off with the Survivor re-cap:

• It's quite clear that Rob has his talons in Phillip. Hardly a peep out of the big goof last night. Rob's got him under a strict order of silence. Smart move by Rob. But for Survivor entertainment level? It's bad. Phillip's stupidity was missed last night. I did get a good laugh at Phillip's expense, though, when Rob tricked him into getting up out of his lounge chair because he saw the clue to the hidden immunity idol beneath it. Direct quote: "If Phil wasn't so fat, and that chair wasn't bending, I never would have found the clue!"
• Francesca was floored to see Matt show up at Redemption Island. She fully expected it to be Phillip. Oh, but didn't we all?
• Russell & his angels went hunting for the hidden immunity idol. It gave me great pleasure to know that Ralph already had it. I hate Russell. And I hate his twitty angels.
• The twittiest of the angels? Stephanie. She annoyed the crap outta me last night. Her big idea was to create a fake idol and then carry it around in a bag protectively all day so that everyone would think she had the idol. Brilliant plan. Except that everyone else already knew that Ralph had the real idol, idiot. Major fail there, Steph.
• Apparently the clues to finding hidden idols this season are not very helpful. After Rob read his clue, he said they might as well have put "The idol is somewhere." I guess since people can find idols without clues at all lately, they might as well not even bother!
• Francesca and Matt had their Redemption Island showdown, in this build-a-long-stick-and-use-it-to-grab-three-keys-and-release-yourself-from-prison challenge. For a while, it looked like ol' Franny was gonna mop the floor with Matt's ass, but he got his act together and stole the win out from under her. She's gone home, and Matt gets to wait on the Island for his next competitor.
• Russell's tribe had this awesome idea to throw the challenge in order to blindside him. Russell, of course, figured this all out, and did his damndest to sway Julie to become one of his angels. And for a while, I thought he was successful. The way Julie kept smiling at him at tribal council, I was sure she was now one of the angels. But maybe, after she saw Angel Stephanie SPAZ OUT, she decided it wasn't such a good idea. Russell's little empire crumbled around him when it was revealed the votes were split - 3 for him, 3 for Ralph, and 3 for Stephanie. A re-vote was ordered, with none of them taking part, and that spelled doom for Russell. I was super-proud of the tribe for pulling off the blindside and dethroning the pompous arse; however, I fear for them, as we all know Russell is just biding his time on Redemption Island. I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of him yet...
• Oh, and look out to those who voted out Russell. Angel Stephanie declared, "The storm's a coming..." in a very threatening voice after he was ousted. Ooooh, scary. Pipsqueak. Without Russell around, the whiny little brat is toast.

Now, onto Idol. Because I only saw bits and pieces of the first hour, and then the last four singers, my thoughts aren't very complete. But for what it's worth, here's my take:

• The first chick, Ta-Ta-something...Do you really think Rihanna was the best choice? And if you're gonna take on RiRi, is "Only Girl in the World" the best choice? This girl sounded totally out of breath and out of tune. I didn't get to see them all, but based on what I did see, she'd be my vote to go home.
• Oh, Julia Gorilla. You're last name is Zorrilla, but it makes me think of gorillas. And you're a lovely girl, but your take on Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" was pretty bad. Very karaokey-ish. I hope you stay because I think you're better than that.
• Haley's take on Alicia Keys' hit "Fallin" was the first time I sat up and thought, "Wow, she's pretty good."
• Thia Megia (is that a real name??) was very memorable. She's the youngest competitor, but you couldn't tell by her voice. She started out acapella, and it was incredible. She even had Randy Jackson comparing her pure, beautiful tone to that of a young Michael Jackson. Score for Thia!!
• Lauren Alaina (again, does that not sound like a stage name??) is one of the judges' darlings, and also one of the younger girls in the competition. She rocked out and did a fantastic job. They're calling her a cross between Idol alumni Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Lauren's there to stay for awhile.
• Pia? Pia, my dear, where did you come from?? I don't remember seeing you throughout the audition rounds, and then here you are, closing out the show, and absolutely raising.the.bar. Fan-tastic. I haven't seen an Idol performance like that in a long, long time. Beautiful. Breath-taking. My favourite of the night!

So isn't it my great luck that the last four singers were by far and away the best of the night? (At least, I think they were based on the snippet montage they show at the end before opening up the voting to the public). Those four girls should be homefree; the rest? I have no idea. But one of 'em's going home...Actually, maybe more than one of them are going home. I don't know how quickly they plan to whittle this group before starting the Top 10 round...

I think I should have just titled this blog post "Idol". I think I wrote the word 462 times in this post.

The Single Girl Files: An RV Named "Quyon"

I'm not a city girl, that much I know for sure. I tried the city life on for size in my late-teens/early-twenties, and took a severe dislike for it. I didn't like living in a tiny apartment. I didn't like taking the bus. I didn't like the hustle & bustle of downtown Ottawa. I didn't like working in an office with no windows.

About the only thing I did like was my close proximity to McDonalds. And that sure wasn't helping me find a man.

So I moved back home after being offered the perfect small town job, at Mountainview Turf, where I can look out the window and see fields of green surrounding me, all summer long. And in the winter? Acres and acres of the white stuff, which we all know I love. (Getting a little sick of it now, though, I must admit...) I get my exercise by walking from one end of town to the other, and when I come back from my walk, my arm usually hurts more than my legs, from waving so much at the friendly faces passing me by. I found my own little place to rent, gaining my independence from Mom & Dad, yet still only a few minutes away from "home" when I need to be there.

And for the past seven years, I haven't left my small town very often.

This is where I'm comfortable. This is where I feel safe. (Although after reading Chris' comment on my last post, I'm starting to wonder about that...)

Ahhh, but see here's the problem for the Single Girl living in Quyon: Small pond. Not many fish. And the ones that are still swimming around? Probably not worth baiting the hook for.

When lamenting my "single girl" status to friends, family, foes - or basically anyone who will listen - they almost always have the same piece of advice for me. Get out of Quyon, Jill!!

A few years ago, at Schock family Christmas dinner at Aunt Marion's, I was getting heat from the cousins for showing up at yet another family dinner without a man. That's right. Every Christmas. Every Easter. Every Thanksgiving. Every Grandma's Birthday Party. I have always been alone. And I know they're just dying for me to bring some poor shmuck to meet them so they can completely tear him apart.

They love me. They just have an odd way of showing it.

Anyways, at this particular Christmas dinner, some of the cousins were inquiring as to why I was alone, yet again. I had no real answer. Just a list of boys I had crushes on, but no hope of actually dating any of them. And as usual, the firm suggestion was: "You have to get out of Quyon, Jill. You're never going to find anyone in that town."

"But I don't want to leave!" I protested. "I love Quyon! I'm never leaving there, so any guy I end up with will have to move here, and unless they already live here, I don't think I could find any out-of-towner who would want to move here!"

Please note: For anyone who doesn't know my small town, it's small. REALLY small. One recently-opened restaurant, two seasonal chipstands, a bar, a corner store and gas station, a body shop, a garage, a post office, two elementary schools, and three churches. One of them is closed. That's about it. Not a whole lot to draw someone in.

I would have to be the drawing card. And I don't know if I have that sort of lure in me.

I think it was my cousin Erin who finally said this: "So...if you can't leave Quyon...maybe you should buy a motorhome? You can call it 'Quyon'. Then, you can travel to other places where there are more men to choose from. And you'll still be in 'Quyon'. Think about it."

Smartass.

But part of me knows they're all absolutely right. The good guys in this town have pretty well been picked over. There isn't much of a selection left.

My problem? Even when I do leave town, I can't find a man.

Take, for example, last summer. I went to Midland, Michigan with my brother's fastball team to the Worlds. I was surrounded by men for seven whole days. Men in ball uniforms. Lots of men who looked realllll nice in their ball pants. (And that's not easy to do, my friends.) Men from Canada. Men from the United States. Old men. Young men. Handsome, handsome, handsome men. Pitchers and shortstops and catchers, oh MY!

(OK, yes, I did kind of have my blinders on that week. I was a little too preoccupied with one ball player in particular. Who was not preoccupied by me. At all.)

But seriously, I didn't talk to any dudes other than Flyers, and this one guy who laughed at me when I accidentally tried to pay for a Mike's Harder Lemonade with Canadian Tire money.

Even when I leave Quyon, I HAVE NO LUCK!!!!

So throw me in an RV named "Quyon", if you think it will work.

But I have a feeling it won't.

Why? WHY Do I Do This to Myself??

Yesterday it snowed here. Like, a LOT. And it was Trade Deadline Day in the NHL, which is usually pretty exciting - (some boys call it "Christmas") - and the perfect entertainment for a snow day.

However, Sens GM Bryan Murray had already traded pretty much everyone before Deadline Day. And I really could care less about the trades other teams make. So what was I supposed to do to entertain myself for the day?

Watch a scary movie. Brilliant plan.

I rarely watch scary movies, because I have an extremely over-active imagination, and watching them results in me not sleeping well and needing almost every light in the house on, every night, all night, for months.

But every so often I get the urge to see one. And lately, Paranormal Activity 2 had been calling my name.

Occasionally Luke & Amanda let me watch a movie with them, and for the past few weeks, I've been suggesting the follow-up to Paranormal Activity, which thrilled and delighted spooky film fans a few years ago. I saw the original with some friends, and still, at times, when I think about it, my imagination runs wild and I start hearing all kinds of creepy bumps in the night. (And in the daytime, too.) How could I see the first one, and not the second one? However, L & A weren't about to watch the sequel with me.

So I figured yesterday was the perfect time to view it. In the middle of the afternoon. Far away from the dark and eerie quiet of night time. With the soothing sounds of snowplows rumbling up and down the road outside.

Surely I would be okay, right?

Wrong.

It takes very little to freak me out. And I can confidently tell you that this one didn't bother me nearly as much as the first one. But still, I was jumpy. During the movie, with the blinds wide open, and the snowplows zooming by outside, I was jumpy. Strangely enough, it sounded like someone was walking around upstairs in my house. (Probably car doors slamming at the post office next door, but it sounded like footsteps on my second floor.) Also, I had a load of laundry in the dryer in the basement, and my fish tank (which desperately needs to be cleaned. again.) is low in water, and so I could hear the water running in that the whole time too.

All these little noises = MY HOUSE IS HAUNTED BY CRAZY DEMONS AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

So I packed up my chips and chocolate bar and Diet Pepsi and movie and took it to my mom's to finish watching it. I actually started to worry that by watching the movie in my home, I was inviting the demons into my house. Like opening up the front door and saying, "Hey demons, c'mon in, I need some company, we can be friends". No way, nuh-uh, not welcome.

So I took them to my parents instead.

I slept with the hall light on last night. But truth be told, that light's been on every night for months, thanks to a combination of Orphan and many episodes of Criminal Minds. I think it will probably have to stay on for the rest of my life.

*sigh*

In closing, I'd like to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN BIEBER!! 17 years old today!! My little boy is growing up!! ;) Everyone listen to "Baby" in his honour today, okay? Okay.

Bits & Pieces of Wednesday Night TV

I had lots of shows to watch last night, yet I only managed to see bits & pieces. For one thing, I forgot (somehow??) that Wednesday is now my "major" TV night of the week, and had already accepted an invitation to a scrapbooking night at our local Family Centre. I jumped at the chance, since I *still* haven't started the scrapbook I've been wanting to do for Danica, despite having all supplies needed, as well as pictures sorted for it. And after sitting at the Centre and chatting with the other ladies for an hour and a half, I *still* don't have anything done.

I'm hopeless.

In any case, after an hour and a half of doing nothing but chatting, I went home to catch the end of Survivor, half of American Idol, and ten minutes of Off the Map. My thoughts:

SURVIVOR

By the time I tuned in, the tribes were already heading to the challenge, where Phillip, once again, made a complete ass of himself. The other tribe gave up the idol to Jeff, vowing to win it back, and when Jeff asked Phillip how that made him feel, he said something along the lines that being challenged like that made the animal come out of him and no man on that other tribe could outlast him.

I told you guys the pink briefs were hot...

Um, yeah. Wrong about that, eh Phil? After the two teams were fairly neck-in-neck throughout most of the challenge, it came down to a face-off between Ralph and Phillip as they were the designated ball-throwers, trying to break 5 tiles and win the challenge. Ralph won. Not Phillip. Echoes of his pre-challenge pompous statement came back to haunt him.

Fortunately for Phillip, Rob, clearly still in the driver's seat of this tribe, had other plans. Completely pissed off that good Christian boy Matt went to shake the hands of his opponents after their triumphant win, Rob had changed his original plans of voting off Phillip or Andrea, and instead set his sights on Matt.


Phillip again caused Tribal Council giggles when he showed Jeff & his tribemates the animal tattoos on his biceps - one a lion, the other a gorilla - and then spouted off about becoming an animal when someone attacks his family or his country. When attacked by the other tribe? Apparently he becomes a kitten or something. However, Rob had Phillip tucked safely under his wing, preventing any more episodes like last week's Tribal Council Truth Circle. His sneaky little trick to keep Phil's yap shut? Told him he'd indicate who to vote for by touching that person's right shoulder right before voting. Smart move. It prevented Phillip from spilling the beans. Rob wisely tapped Kristina's shoulder, knowing she would be playing her idol, so Phillip's vote really didn't play into Rob's "Let's Blindside Matt" plan. Matt received the most votes and was shown the door to Redemption Island.

AMERICAN IDOL

I know I haven't blogged yet about this season, and I only saw the last hour of the two-hour episode, when they began whittling the Top 40 to the Top 24. This is the first time in a few years that I've actually been paying attention to Idol again. For one thing, I love the addition of Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez to the judges panel. I didn't think this show could survive without Simon Cowell, but apparently it can - I think it might even be better. It's a little odd that Randy is now the "mean" one, as he doesn't hold a candle to Simon's bitter, blunt judgements, but overall, the group dynamic is perfect.

Oh, and by the way, I looooooooooooove Steven Tyler.

What I did not love? That they sent Chris Medina home. Especially after he did an amazing job in his final performance with Coldplay's "Fix You".

Chris' story touched many Idol fans after we met him in the audition rounds. Chris brought along his fiancee Juliana, who he was set to marry a few years ago, but months before the wedding, she was in a terrible accident that has left her wheelchair-bound and severly disabled. Julie wasn't expected to live after the accident, but she fought hard to survive, and Chris stuck by her while their dream life together crumbled around them.


If there was anyone that deserved this shot, it was Chris. I was floored when the told him he hadn't made it through. He handled it with class and grace, thanking the judges for the opportunity, shaking their hands, and promising to continue on for himself and Juliana. I think J.Lo would've been happier if he'd fallen apart, screamed profranities, and told them all to go to hell. His humble farewell left her in tears and telling Randy and Steven that she doesn't want to continue on.

And so the show wrapped, leaving us wondering if Jenny from the Block will be back alongside her judging buddies tonight when they finally reveal the Top 24...DUN DUN DUNNNNNHHHHHHHH...

OFF THE MAP

Any Off the Map fans out there? This is the new one from the creators of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, which debuted in early 2011, and so far, I'm loving it. The problem? It's on at 10 PM, and I rarely stay up to watch 10 PM shows. If I get my act together, I can catch it at 7 on one of the eastern stations, but of course last night I forgot and went to scrapbooking.

So I tried to stay up later last night to watch it. I fell asleep 10 minutes in, so I don't really have much to say about it. Other than this: If you haven't tuned into it already, you should. The biggest delight for me is that Zach Gilford plays one of the young docs who ventures to an isolated, primitive area in South America to work in the lone clinic in the area. Gilford once played the handsome, bumbling quarterback Matt Seracen on my beloved Friday Night Lights. Along with Gilford, it's fun to pick out former Grey's and Private Practice alumni who have graduated on to this new show. Also starring is Rachelle Lefebvre, who previously played evil vampire Victoria in the first two Twilight flicks.


Hot doctors. Hot sun. Hot location. Yep. This show is hot, hot, HOT!!

So that's my Wednesday night story. String it all together and you might have an actual full-length TV show.

Let's Talk Boy Stuff. Like, NASCAR. Not Bieber.

So. We need a Bieber break, huh? Okay, maybe not all of us, but the boys do. I doubt I have very many boy readers, but I know I have a few. And one of them is my brother.

I was at the 'rents for supper last night, and when little brother walked in the door, the first thing out of his mouth was this: "If you write about Justin.friggin.Bieber one more day, I'M NEVER READING YOUR BLOG AGAIN!!!!!" (you could hear the capslock and exlamation points in his voice)

Alrighty then. I can take a hint, subtle though it was.

I actually have a boy topic to discuss: NASCAR.

You see, I've never really understood the interest in watching racecars go around and around and around on a track for hours and hours and hours. And they do this, like, almost all year. Little Bieber-hatin' brother runs a NASCAR pool, and it seems like two days after he announces the winner of one pool, he's starting up the next. Geez, racecar drivers, take a break, would ya?

So I always enter Luke's pool, even though I know zilch about racing. I've tried to learn, people, trust me. But I've just never been able to figure out where the fun is in this. I like when they bring out a celeb to sing The Star Spangled Banner. I like when the airplanes fly over head. I like when they bring out another celeb to say, "GENTLEMEN...START...YOUR...ENGINES!!!". It's all very patriotic and spine-tingling and awesomeness.

And then they start driving. As my 5-year-old nephew would say, Booooooooooooring.

At least there's hot guys, right? Yep. Like Dale Earnhardt Jr., who has been my favourite ever since I first saw a picture of him about 10 years ago. Yummmmm. BUT my dad and brother laugh at me all the time for basing my pool picks on hot drivers, like Earnhardt Jr. It's a girl's perogative, though, isn't it?

This year, however, I decided to act like a real racing fan and pick my 8 drivers not solely based on looks. (Well, okay, I still took Dale Jr. but I have to have some loyalty to my hot boys). I did real, actual research on NASCAR drivers that did well last year and who was expected to do well this year.

Then, I invited myself to a Daytona 500 party. (It's okay, it was my cousin who was having it, I didn't just randomly show up at a stranger's door). When I arrived there, I somehow got myself into another NASCAR pool that costs $2/race. And, as I mentioned, they race practically every weekend, all year long (or like 35 weeks or something like that), so this one costs approximately $75 for the year (I have no idea, someone else do the math). eeeeeep.

We drew numbers out of a hat, and I got the #6 pick. My favourite number! YAY!! So when my turn came to pick a driver for the year, I looked at Luke. Resisted the urge to shout "Dale Earnhardt Jr.!" And whispered, quite urgently, over and over, "Who do I pick? Who do I pick? Who do I pick?"

He finally told me to go with Carl Edwards. And I did.

So let me tell you everything that I know about Mr. Edwards.

1. He's kind of handsome.



2. His car is #99. (That's got to be good, right? Gretzky's #?)


3. He drives a Ford. (This is important in my family).


4. He drives for Roush Racing. (I have no idea what that means).


5. His sponsor is Aflac. (I think).


6. He's Wayne's favourite driver.


7. Wayne has a Carl Edwards cap.


8. Wayne is my friend.


9. Wayne had the #2 pick and went with Jimmie Johnson instead of Carl Edwards.

That's about it. And half of it is more about Wayne than Carl Edwards.

But here is what I have decided, after one race so far this season. (I'm not even sure if they call it a "season" in racing, but whatever)... Watching a race is much more fun when you have money riding on one particular driver, and he's in the top 10 cars with only a few laps left. Edwards wasn't in the top 20 for most of the Daytona 500 (at least, not when I was paying attention), BUT after many crashes and caution flags (HATE those), he suddenly ended up in second heading towards the checkered flag. (That's the finish line).

And I was excited!!!

Of course he didn't win. That would have been too magical. Magical things do not happen to me. But he finished second, and I think that must be pretty good. And the guy that won, I have no idea who he was and nobody had picked him in the pool, so nobody won this week. That pot carries over to the next race.

Voila. A racing fan is born. I actually can't wait for the next one.

Go Carl Go! (and Earnhardt Jr. too, because you're so handsome!)

Hearts & love to Justin Bieber.

Dear Justin,

I don't know how this happened.

Two weeks ago, I could proudly proclaim that I had entirely avoided and ignored you for your entire explosive career thus far, and I didn't feel even a little bit left out. I didn't want to get Bieber Fever, Justin. I didn't want it!!

But then I started seeing the commercials for your first-ever flick, Never Say Never 3D. And suddenly, I started feeling sick. I blamed it on a headache at the time, but the headache went away. And still, I got goosebumps when I saw the commercials.

Fortunately enough for me, I had another friend going through the same thing. Two twenty-somethings, experiencing Bieber Fever? I thought this was an illness that only affected younger people. Like, aged 2 to 16. But apparently it can hit older people too.

I just never thought I'd be one of them, Justin.

In any case, Lindsay and I went to see NSN3D yesterday. And I decided to break down my thoughts on your movie in point-form for you. I do this at the very real and terrifying risk that I will leave many of my family and friends wondering what the hell has happened to me, if I've become mentally ill, or at the very least questioning my once-credible taste in music. I'm blaming the Fever. You just can't help it once it's hit...

• I really, really, really liked the movie. A perfect mix of 3D concert footage, backstage glimpses, interviews with members of your tight-knit circle, gushing girls of all ages, and sneak peeks into your every day life. Tres cool.


• Justin, you know I'm 27, right? TWENTY-SEVEN. It's embarassing for me to write this blog. But you are adorable. I wish I could say I had babysat you or something.


• Purple's your favourite colour? Really, Justin? That's just asking for trouble...


• The smartest thing your mother may have ever done was invest in a camcorder. The home videos were half the magic.


• I think you're adorable, but Baby Justin? Baby Justin melted my heart.


• Someone in the movie said you were the Macauley Culkin of music. No way. You're way cuter than Culkin.


• Okay, so before I said that I didn't care if you were friends with Usher. But I've changed my mind. Usher is incredible. You get big points for being in his circle. And he's just so damn good-looking. He was probably my favourite part of your movie. He gives the "grown-up girls" something to drool over.


• Your mom and grandparents seem like pretty great, down-to-earth people. Make sure you listen to them, above anyone else. From what I saw of them, I don't think they'll ever steer you wrong.
• It's shameful, but when they showcased your stop in Ottawa, I got all giddy. I was like, "OMG, Justin Bieber was in the same arena where my Sens play!!"


• It's too bad you were caught in the movie sporting Leafs duds and sleeping in a Leafs-themed room. Poor thing. Hopefully you wise up someday.


• I know it's a little silly, but I'm kind of proud you're Canadian.
• Pull your pants up, kid.


• Now I'm sure it's necessary for you to have stern influences around you to keep you on the straight-and-narrow, but your voice coach is a bit of a bitch. Remind her once in a while that you're only 16, okay? Remind her that it's impossible for a 16-year-old to go days without speaking. That's just stupid. I don't care if you're selling out Madison Square Garden. A kid has to be able to talk.
• Smart move, pairing up with Little Will Smith (aka Jaden). The little man was smooth!



• You know what? When I was a little kid, I watched a tape of the American Music Awards that my sister had recorded, over and over. Whatever year that was ('91 maybe?) was before you were born, and the big stars of the night were Boyz II Men. And now, you've got them singing & dancing BACK UP on-stage with you? Made me feel old, dude.


• I love that you're not just a cutie-pie face and sweet little voice. You play drums, guitar, piano, and I think they even said trumpet... and you do it well. That gives you some cred.


• More cred? The fact that you've got not only Usher and Boyz II Men on your side, but also artists like Ludacris and Sean Kingston. Whatever you do, though, don't listen to Snoop Dogg. Don't even think about growing your hair long and putting it in pigtails. Not cool, Bieber!


• I've grown fond of several of your songs, but if I'm being truly honest, I still liked them better when the Glee kids sang 'em.


• If you ever come back to Ottawa, I might actually consider getting tix. And if I do, could you please please please pick me to be the One Less Lonely Girl??


• When you grow up into a big boy and get past all this candy-pop music you're churning out now, can you do me a big favour? Play your guitar. Go acoustic. That's when you're truly at your best. You wow me at 16. So in 10 or 20 years? You would be incredible.


• If I had a 14-year-old daughter who was in love with you, I'd approve. You seem like a genuinely good kid.


• Above all else, Justin, here's my biggest hope for you: That you don't let the industry break you. Fame has torn apart many people before you, especially the ones who start out as kids, like you. I'd hate to see them tear you apart, too. You seem like a happy-go-lucky, sweet teenage boy who loves to sing and dance and play instruments. You're respectful towards your elders, you appreciate your fans, and you even seem a little awe-struck at how high up the ladder you have climbed already. I don't actually believe you make your friends say Grace at a pizza joint before grabbing a slice, but you seem to have faith and spirituality. These are all good things. Keep singing. Keep dancing. Keep playing. Stay grounded, Justin, and never let any of this get bigger than you can handle. Don't let them break you.
• I refuse to call myself a Belieber. I just won't do it.

Your newest old-lady fan,

Jill

Seriously, Survivor Contestants? SERIOUSLY?!

Today I had plans for another installment of The Single Girl Files. But then I watched Survivor. And I just can't not write about it. That was, quite possibly, the craziest kick-off episode I've ever seen in my life!

I make no promises to follow this baby til the end. Survivor hasn't been able to hold my interest for the past five years or so, unless Colby was on the show. And while Rob and Russell make for an entertaining tandem, they aren't Colby.

So here are my initial thoughts on last night's premiere episode of Survivor: Redemption Island...

• Is it just me or, did both Boston Rob and Russell look a little on the chunky side when they got off the helicopter on the beach to surprise the rest of the contestants?


• I literally giggled out loud when they introduced us to Phillip. On-screen, where they post his job title, it said "Former Federal Agent (?)". He bragged repeatedly throughout the episode about how he was a former federal agent and worked for three different divisions. If he's telling the truth (and clearly he's more than a little delusional), the people of the United States of America should be concerned about what kind of "agents" their government is employing. Dude is craaaaaazy. More on Phillip to come.


• There's some substantial eye candy this season, with Mike and Grant. And of course I've always thought Rob was a cutey. Love his sexy Boston accent.



• Stacy runs a Survivor pool every year and we randomly draw names for contestants. I couldn't remember who I had picked, but I was pretty sure it was either Mike or Steve. I hoped young, hot Mike. I checked this morning, and it was old, grey-haired Steve. Frig.

This is Mike. Isn't he pretty?



• Instant Dislike Award goes to Francesca. When Rob and Russell hopped off the helicopter and everyone else was cheering, she was shaking her head and audibly saying, "This isn't good. I don't want them here." Atta win over the hearts of two of the strongest Survivor competitors ever. Dummy.


• Kristina, Kristina, Kristina. They tell us you're a law student, but you clearly aren't that smart. First, you were caught in the act by Rob trying to find a clue to the hidden immunity idol while everyone else was busting their butts trying to build a shelter. Then, you aligned yourself with Francesca and Phillip, the two earliest competitors in the race for "Dunce of the Season". Granted, you did find that hidden immunity idol, and without a clue, so clearly you're not a complete idiot. But then you flashed that idol to your alliance, and that, my dear, was the stupidest thing you ever could have done. Good luck to you in the future. Knucklehead.


• Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like Survivor has set up permanent camp in Nicaragua. Haven't the last few seasons been there? Time to find a new locale, Survivor people.


• If I have to watch many more weeks of Phillip strutting around in a hot pink pair of briefs, I think I might ralph.

Where were these yellow shorts last night, huh, Phil?




• Speaking of Ralph - there is a Ralph! A red, hairy, farmer guy complete with jean overalls and a thick hick accent. First impression? Thought he was a doof. But when it came to building shelter, Ralph shone. I haven't seen anyone quite so enthusiastic about Survivor in a long time. Dude was excited to be there!


• I hate that Russell's team won the first immunity. Any advantage that Russell has over Rob sucks in my world. I'm on Rob's side, 100%. There isn't a Survivor contestant in the world that I hate more than Russell. Hopefully Rob can get some swagger back next week.


• The best part about Rob's tribe losing? Being able to watch his face when the disaster that was Tribal Council unfolded around him. It was hilarious. Phillip proved he was one of the stupidest Survivors ever when he not only revealed who was in his alliance right off the bat, but also told the tribe who their plan was to vote off (Rob), and that Kristina had the hidden immunity idol. Kristina and Francesca looked like they were ready to slay him. Most of the rest looked absolutely dumbfounded. Rob couldn't stop grinning. Seriously, Phillip? Have you ever watched this show before??? It was quite possibly the biggest circus I've ever seen at Tribal Council. And it was only the first one!!!!


• Why, oh why, was Phillip able to pronounce Francesca's name properly all throughout the show, but then suddenly he got the stutters at Tribal and started calling her "Francesqua"?


• It was pretty much a toss-up between Phillip, Kristina, and Francesca to go home after Phillip blew that shit wide open. I was a little surprised that Kristina didn't use the idol when everyone knew she had it. But I guess it was a smart move, since Francesca got one extra vote and was sent packing. Ah, but don't count her out people! New twist! She's just gone to hang out on Redemption Island. Next week, who ever is voted out will go head-to-head with her in a showdown, and if she wins, she'll be back. Things could get a little tricky this season...

Overall, I was held captive by last night's episode, and that's big for a first episode. Usually I only have mild interest, because I barely know any of their names and I can't get straight their tribe names either. But this time, the complete craziness that was Phillip and his alliance with Francesca and Kristina kept me hooked.

If I was there with that crew, I think I'd beg to go home.

The Justin Bieber Experience...And Another Good Guy Bites the Dust

Okay. So we've established that I'm a Gleek. And we've established that I may or may not have Bieber Fever. I'm still not entirely convinced.

What I am convinced of? That I adore when the Glee cast does Bieber. That, for sure, I'm in love with.

Now last week I was in love with Puck. This week my fickle heart pulled me more towards Sam. Yes, it makes sense, since he was the leader of the Bieber Revolution in glee club. He started his own one-man tribute band called The Justin Bieber Experience, and when he pulled out the guitar and started up an acoustic version of the Bieb's "Baby"? I was smitten.

Of course, the Glee girls went nuts for it too, thus prompting the majority of the other Glee guys to join Sam in The Justin Bieber Experience. (Highlight: Puck's reaction when Sam told him they had to do something about his hair. And the hoodie with the Bieber hairpiece that he ended up wearing.)

Everyone but Finn, because he and Sam are fighting for Quinn's heart, and Finn refuses to join forces with the enemy, or perform music by an artist that he does not respect.

Funny enough, by the end of the episode, Finn had caught the Fever too. It's inescapable, people. Once you stare directly at the Bieb's amazingness, you are trapped. Trapped, I tell you!

Now, if I'm being honest, as much as I loved the Bieber theme of the night, I do think Glee missed the boat on this episode. Their assignment was 'Anthems' and somehow, that turned into Bieber? I actually agreed with Sue Sylvester (not my favourite part of the show) that they were wasting away this wonderful opportunity to showcase some of the best anthems in music by getting caught up in Bieber Fever. I know, Bieber's pretty iconic right now, but are his songs anthems?? Hell no.

So as much as I did love the Bieberness, I sort of wished they'd saved him for another night and done more musical performances like My Chemical Romance's "Sing". It was pretty awesome.

But I must move on from the Glee/Bieber extravaganza now, because last night, my Sens traded away another one of the good guys.

No, Chris Kelly isn't up on the pedestal where Mike Fisher resided, but he was a veteran presence on this team, and another one of those guys that worked hard and gave his all every game. He was a third- or fourth-liner most of the time, but when he was on the ice, he was giving it his 110%, all the time.

Last night, after being named the "Hardest Working Senator" by the Team 1200 after another loss, this time in a shoot-out to the New York Islanders, Kelly was traded to the Boston Bruins for a second-round pick in this year's draft.

The re-build continues. The fans are supposed to be happy about this.

It just sucks that we're letting all the good guys go first.

And this time, I don't have a country-singing diva to blame for it.

Good luck in Boston, #22.

Music Is My Boyfriend

I survived another V-day. Eeeeasily my least favourite day of the year.

But it wasn't so bad after all. I didn't allow myself to bury myself on the couch with blankets, watch sappy movies, and cry into the oodles of junk food and chocolate bars I envisioned myself buying. Yes, that was actually my original plan for the day.

Instead? I got my ass outta bed. I cleaned out the fridge and freezer. I made pizza and carrot cake for supper with the fam. I shovelled snow. I joked about the lovey-doveys all day long, but really? I didn't run into any of them head-on, so they didn't bother me. Luke & Amanda even let me crash their V-day by letting me watch a movie with them. And they claim that because they've been together over a year, the lovey-doveyness is over anyways.

I'm a lucky kid to be surrounded by great people!

In any case, Love Day got me thinking of things I love. And today, especially, (perhaps brought on by the Grammys Sunday night?) I've been lovin' me my music. I've recently downloaded - or have been wanting to download - some awesome new tunes (or at least new to me)... So here's what my heart's singing these days:

Sweater Song - Hedley
Maybe - Sick Puppies
Grenade - Bruno Mars
What's My Name - Rihanna ft. Drake
Rhythm of Love - The Plain White T's
Marry Me - Train
What the Hell - Avril Lavigne
Marry You - Bruno Mars
Stay The Night - James Blunt
F**ckin' Perfect - Pink
Waiting for the End - Linkin Park
Music from the movie Country Strong (especially songs by Garrett Hedlund!)
Price Tag - Jessie J ft. B.o.B.
Any and all songs by the GLEE Cast!!!
Yeah 3x - Chris Brown
Born This Way - Lady Gaga

In keeping with the music theme... Anybody hear the theme of tonight's ep of Glee? It's like they freakin' crawled up in my Blog and pulled out my dream show. Glee is coming down with BIEBER FEVER tonight.

You have no idea how pumped I am!!! I'm sure I'll be drooling all over it tomorrow, so you have that to look forward to, people! ;)

If I ever see Carrie Underwood, I'm going to shoot laser beams of death out of my eyeballs at her. (AKA The "I'll Miss You Mike" Blog)

First off, I have good news. My Bieber Fever has passed.

Phewf. I was legit worried there for a while, as I know some of you were too. I really think it was just the headache. (It was a bad one). When I got in my car to go home from work yesterday, the first song that came on the radio was that Bieber song "You Smile, I Smile". (Which really does make me smile, because it makes me think of Brenda telling us she thought he was saying "You smell, I smell".) Anyways, I held my hand in mid-air over the buttons, trying to decide if I was really a fan of the Biebs or not. Because if I was, I'd have listened to sappy shit song. But instead, I changed the station.

To a rock station playing "Thunderstruck".

And just like that. It was over. (But I still do want to see the movie, for curiosity's sake.) Also, my teenaged-movie-buddy Brittany texted me last night after reading the Blog to tell me she does NOT have Bieber Fever, but she's being dragged against her will to the movie with a few friends. So I don't even have her to use as my cover.

Anyways, moving on. Yesterday, there was big news in Sens world. Big, bad Sens news. News that brought tears to my eyes and broke the hearts of many women - of all ages, married, single, what have you. Pretty much any female who has any appreciation for a sweet, good-lookin' dude on skates.

Our beautiful Mike Fisher has been traded. To NASHVILLE. Ya know who lives in NASHVILLE?

That blond-haired witch that he married. That stupid, selfish, eeeeeevil Carrie Underwood.

See? See the evil in her eyes??

I knew it. I knew when she came swooping in and stole him away from all of us that it wasn't going to end well for the female side of the Sens Army. But we sighed and smiled. Such a pretty girl. Such a beautiful voice. Such a superstar darling. How could we begrudge our beloved Mikey this wonderful girl?

He popped the question. They got married. Their wedding was front-page news. We oohed and aahed over their honeymoon pics. We had fun spotting her at Sens games.

But I think we all knew it was coming. Whispers that Carrie had no interest in settling in the luxurious home Mike was building for them in Kanata were hard to ignore. Rumours floated from the first moment we heard they were dating that one day she'd be forcing him to ask for a trade to Nashville, her home base.

And yesterday, it all became reality. Fisher's gone. And in return, we get a first-round pick at the draft this year and a conditional 2012 pick.

That's it? We get a couple of picks and Nashville gets the second-hottest guy that ever donned a Sens jersey? (We all know who #1 was...don't even argue with me...)

It SUCKS. I don't care if he was making too much money. I don't care if this is a sign of good things to come. The re-build has begun, and that's supposed to bring hope and optimism for a brighter future for this team that, for the past few years, has been spiralling downward into the abyss, and are currently second-last in the whole league.

But if it had been me? We'd have got rid of Alex Kovalev. Chris Phillips. Jarkko Ruutu. Sergei Gonchar. Anybody but Fisher.

I guess those changes are still to come. But to start it all with the fan favourite? The stud? The guy who gives his all to the community?

Not cool, Bryan Murray. Not cool at all.

So I blame Carrie. For sinking her claws into our good Canadian boy, dragging him into her spotlight, and making him believe that her home is where he needs to be.

God help her if we ever cross paths.

Thanks for the good times, Mike. You were pure class, all the way. Ottawa will miss you dearly.

I Must Be Sick.

Yesterday, I confessed to being a Gleek.

Today, is it possible I have Bieber Fever?

No. No, absolutely not. I have a headache, that is all. No Bieber Fever. There's absolutely no way.

I've been making fun of that little twerp for as long as his shaggy head of hair has been bobbing around. When his songs come on the radio, I change the channel. I laughed when Barbara Walters picked him as one of her most fascinating people of 2010 (or whatever her list is called). I cringed with the Canadian Tenors featured him on their Christmas TV special.

I don't care if he's friends with Usher. Still not interested, Bieber!

Just a few weeks ago, I was talking to a big fan of the Biebs, and I was telling her how I just couldn't - could NOT - get on the Bieber bandwagon. The baby-faced pop sensation is just way too cutesy-wutesy for me.

But then. Then I saw the preview for his new flick Never Say Never. And as I watched the clips of baby Justin growing up, banging on pots and pans and making it sound like music, then spiralling upward into superstardom, from his grainy Youtube videos to packed stadiums of screaming teen girls, I kind of got goosebumps. Chills.

And I found myself thinking, "Dude, where could I find a 15-year-old girl to go see this with me?" Because I'd definitely need a cover. An "Oh, she reallly wanted to go, so how could I say no?" excuse. And I'm afraid my teenaged-movie-buddy Brittany (big Eminem fan that she is) just might not be into the Biebs.

Sick, I tell you. I'm sick.

Britt, if ya wanna go, gimme a call.

Maybe I Am a Gleek After All...

I've always wondered why I couldn't get into Glee. So many people were in love with it, and I just couldn't make it through an episode. I couldn't figure out why. On paper, it looked like it was designed for me: A motley crew of nerds, losers, cheerleaders, and jocks joining together to sing songs and perform, all while battling the daily grind of being a high school kid.

I was one of those high school losers who loved to hole myself up in the basement and dance around and pretend I was going to be the 'next big thing'. Wouldn't it have been awesome if my school had had a glee club?

Oh, right. The little fact that I can't sing. Well... maybe I'd just hang out at the door and wish I could join them. Whatever.

Anyways, when I first started hearing about Glee, I was sure it was going to be my new favourite show. So I tried to watch Season 1, episode 1. I fell asleep. I tried to watch the second episode. And I ended up changing the channel. Then I consulted with a bunch of ball players who informed me I was wasting my time on Glee, I should be watching Criminal Minds instead.

I left Glee behind.

I never looked back.

Until this past Sunday. Superbowl. And being advertised all around it, with much hype and grandeur, was a new episode of Glee. Bigger and better than ever. Right after the big game.

When I got home from the party at Lindsay's, I was still wound up and couldn't sleep, so I decided to give Glee another shot.

And I loved it.

A showdown between jocks, cheerleaders, and glee club, with several members caught between two worlds. A fight to overcome high school segregation to bring all of them together, to bring peace, to win the football game, and to perform the most legendary high school half-time show ever. Hell, it might have been more legendary than some of the NFL Superbowl half-time shows.

They did a mash-up of Thriller and Heads Will Roll, complete with wild zombie make-up and costumes, and it was pretty awesome. Awesome enough to have me tune back in again last night for another new episode? Yep.

So last night, it was the V-day ep. And you all know how much I loathe V-day. But one part of the storyline had me giggling and loving this V-day tribute.

It was Puck. And his relentless pursuit throughout the show of one of his fellow glee club members, Lauren.

Okay, so I already had a lil crush on Puck. He was the only character, in the few times I tried to watch before, that stood out to me. I know, I know. Only because of his looks. Yes, it's true, he totally rocks the bad-boy-football-player-but-I'm-not-too-cool-for-glee-club persona. And him, holding a guitar, singing, while sporting a shaved head with the beginnings of a mohawk...ummm, yeah. Me like. A lot.

Last night, he literally had me laughing out loud as he chased around Lauren, begging her to be his Valentine. Lauren is, um, shall we say...a little on the heavier side? At first, I was thinking, "Oh, she's so like me in high school." But as I saw more and more of Lauren, I realized she wasn't like me at all. I had zero self-confidence, and never expected any guy to pay attention to me. I poked fun at myself all the time. Lauren, on the other hand, embraces her full-figured body, and has Puck running after her, making him jump through hoops to prove his worthiness of being with her.

She kind of inspired me. I wondered why I didn't try to be more like that in high school. Or even now.

In any case, my absolute favourite scene was when Puck led the guys of glee club in a raucous performance of "Fat Bottomed Girls", his love song to Lauren. I was literally LOL'ing. Lauren wasn't impressed, but I was. I loved it.

So, I've been charmed, apparently. After over two years of declaring that I just don't get Glee, I've finally been drawn in. I think I may be a Gleek after all.

And I owe it all to Puck.

Yum.

My Weird Week

I have Weird Weeks from time to time. This happens to be one of them. Here are my thoughts and musings on the week thus far:

• I went on-line to Amazon.ca and made two weird purchases this week. Weekend at Bernie's, Weekend at Bernie's 2, and All in the Family Season 1 on DVD. I don't know why, but I suddenly was dying to watch Weekend at Bernie's, which I haven't seen in years. And it's probably going to be extremely stupid and I'm going to laugh at myself for buying it, but I just couldn't help it. And of course, I got the sequel because you can't have one without the other, right? As for All in the Family, it's one of my favourite shows from my childhood. I've always wanted to own Archie Bunker. Now I finally will. But it's a little weird, right?
• *UPDATE* I just re-read this blog and realized I wrote that I made two weird purchases, when clearly I list three. My weirdness continues. I don't even know how to count.
• I'm very close to having my credit card paid off and starting to chip away at my line of credit. So why - WHY? - am I buying stupid things at Amazon.ca?
• I'm forcing myself to eat bananas. I once heard that the old adage "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" should be changed to "A banana a day keeps the doctor away", because the health benefits of bananas far outweigh those of apples. I'm attempting a healthy lifestyle change, so bananas it is. I hate bananas.
• On Monday morning, I mis-read somebody's status on Facebook and it pissed me off, and then I fired off an annoyed text to a friend about it. After realizing I'd totally mis-read things, I felt like a complete shit. And I've felt bad about it all week long.
• Since coming home from Cuba, I'm into the weirdest club music. I even created a playlist on iTunes.
• Normally, I don't think I'd be paying much attention to the turmoil going on in Egypt right now. But I was glued to the TV along with the rest of the family, watching the news, because my aunt and uncle were in Egypt when the civil unrest began. They were stranded in Cairo for a few days, but ended up being on the first flight home to Canada. When they showed them on the news boarding their plane, I felt like I knew famous people.
• There's this guy. I don't really know him, but I want to know him. I've been encouraged by a mutual friend to go for it, send him a Facebook message and see if we have anything in common. But I have nooooooooooooo idea how to do that without looking like a complete buffoon.
• My dad is driving me nuts this week. Well, he drives me nuts a lot of the time, but this week...this week it's worse. I have no patience with him. That's not very nice of me. He's been sick a lot over the past 8 months, battling bouts of pneumonia while already saddled with respiratory difficulties, and now he has shingles on top of it all. Every time I walk into the house, I tell myself, "Be nice to Dad." But then he starts asking stupid questions about his crossword puzzle, or butting into my conversation with mom, or trying to tell a story I've heard a million times before, and I usually end up roaring, "YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!" Mean. I know.
• I almost bought Pajama Jeans. I keep hearing about them on talk shows and in the news. Comfy pajama pants that look like jeans. Sign me up! So I went to the website (because they're not available in stores), and was all set to pay they $39.95 plus shipping and handling (hey, they were throwing in a free grey t-shirt), only to find out they don't ship to Canada. I'm thinking it's probably for the best.
• I've had the weirdest craving the past few weeks. Philly Smoked Salmon cream cheese spread on Vinta crackers. So I bought some last Friday, and now, at almost any time of the day, you can find me salivating over it. I don't even like salmon.
• Is it weird that I'm listening to "Guantanamera" right now?
• I haven't played guitar since Christmas Eve. The other night I picked it up, put my fingers on the strings, held it for a while, then put it back down. I have no idea why I can't play it.
• I finished reading The Kite Runner and I know the whole horrible story, in all it's gruesome details. But when Lindsay suggested watching the movie, I kind of recoiled from the idea. It was hard enough reading it. I don't think I can watch it.
• This morning on the Team 1200, they were talking about mules. (Because the Sens lost 7-5 to Detroit last night, and Johan Franzen scored 5 goals, and his nickname is "Mule"). They researched what the difference is between a mule and a donkey, and apparently a mule is the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse. Huh. Learn something new every day...
• I keep telling people I wish I was still in Cuba and away from the cold and all this snow we got yesterday, but I'm lying when I say that. I'm very happy to be back in winter mode. I think I would miss it if I wasn't here.
• Is it normal that my back is still itchy almost two weeks after getting a sunburn?

There you have it. My weirdness, spilled all over the blog for you. :)

The Single Girl Files: The Flirt Face

Here we go. The first real installment of The Single Girl Files!!

As mentioned in my introduction to The Single Girl Files, I'm 27 years old, and have been perpetually single throughout my teen and adult years. While I'd like to blame the dudes, my town, the limited social scene in my area, the world, for my lonely "just me" existence (and in future installments, I WILL blame them, you can count on that), I think it's probably best to start off by facing the cold hard truth.

A big part of why I'm single is because...well, because of me.

Just ask my friends and family, they'll tell you. I'm not very brave. I'm not all that confident. I'm a little on the picky side. And I don't like to venture too far out of my comfort zone.

And when I finally do zone in on a guy I'd like to get to know? That's when I have the biggest problem of all.

I don't know how to flirt.

I didn't realize how bad I was at flirting, though, until my skills were put under a microscope quite a few years ago. We're going back about eight years now, to the big white beer tent at Shawville fair...

See, there was this guy. We'll call him Mr. Tall Dark n' Handsome. He was one of the guys who often came across the river to Gavan's, and I got to know him pretty well. He was fun. He was friendly. He was what I considered to be "outta my league", but he was always nice to me. And you know where handsome dudes that are nice to me end up?

Wayyyyyy up high on a pedestal.

He was one of those "serious" crushes. I got totally hung up on him. But he had clearly placed me in the "just friends" category. Sure, he'd talk to me, dance with me, tell me funny stories - but I just knew he wasn't interested in me in any other way than friendship.

I was lamenting about this to my friends Sara and Stacy at the fair, while I stood on tip-toe trying to catch glimpses of his ball cap as he made his way through the crowd in the beer tent.

"Maybe he doesn't know how you feel about him? Maybe you need to do something to let him know you like him as more than a friend?", they suggested.

I told them that I flirted with him all.the.time. That he'd have to be blind not to see how I felt about him.

"Maybe you're doing it wrong? Maybe you need to work on your flirting?" As soon as Mr. TDnH made his way through the crowd and wasn't far from where we were standing, they insisted I go talk to him and try to flirt it up so that they could observe me and see what I was doing wrong.

I sighed. Rolled my eyes. And headed towards him.

I remember very consciously trying to ramp up the flirtyness. I tried to stand as close to him as possible. I tried to hang on his every word as he told me some story. (I don't even remember what he was talking about now). I tried to act like I really cared about what he was saying, looking up at him as though his words were gold to me.

He eventually took off to get another drink. (He may have even offered to get me one, which I probably declined. Another of my fatal flaws. Dude says, "Want a drink?" I almost always say no. Why? Why am I so dense about this stuff??)

I returned to Sara and Stacy, a few feet away, and found them doubled over, laughing.

"Definitely doing it wrong!" was their verdict.

"What?! I'm not flirting right?"

"Well...you kind of make this face," they said. "Like, your lip goes up like Elvis, and you look really confused or something." They told me this through gasps of laughter and giggles. Apparently it was not an attractive face.

I tried to tell them it was whatever he was telling me, it must have been a slightly confusing story or something. I was trying so hard to express that I cared about what he was saying.

Obviously all I did was look like a goof.

My friends still bring up The Flirt Face from time to time. Especially when I'm complaining about my boy du jour not paying attention to me, not realizing how much I like him. I can almost bet that Stacy or Sara will ask, "Well...did you make The Flirt Face? Maybe that's why he doesn't seem interested?"

While I'd really rather not have any photo evidence of The Flirt Face, the girls thought this blog wouldn't be complete without a picture of it. A few weeks ago I was telling them about my The Single Girl Files idea and how I thought The Flirt Face would be a perfect story to tell, so they insisted I make the face while Lindsay photographed me. After a few attempts that they said didn't quite look like The Face, one of them suggested I look up, as I was doing that night with Mr. TDnH. Sure enough, that did it.

So here, without further ado, is a big reason why I'm still single:


*sigh* God help me.