Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Single Girl Files: Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell

You know what's really tough about being a single girl?

Hearing about how others perceive you. That's one thing that has really bothered me over the years. I live in a small town, as you know, and people talk. People speculate.

It drives me in-saaaaane.

I'm having a hard enough time figuring out why I'm still single all on my own. I don't mind when friends offer input and advice -(and that includes you, my bloggy friends!) - in fact, I'm glad they (and you) do.

But there are some things that you just don't like to hear.

Recently, these comments have ranged from one end of the spectrum to the other, and it's been rather confusing.

For instance - several weeks back, there was a party at our infamous little local bar, Gavan's, for Gail Gavan, the daughter of the former owner (and our very own celebrity!), on her 50th birthday. The place was bursting at the seams with people who had gathered to celebrate with her. Where else would I be on this night? Of course I was there. Everyone was.

I was chatting with a friend of mine, when suddenly he said, "Oh, a guy I work with told me I'm just like you."

Puzzled, I asked, "Oh yeah? How?"

"He asked what I was doing this weekend. I told him I was going to Gavan's. He said, 'Oh you're just like Jill Young, always going to Gavan's'."

I was even more confused. "Yeah? And who is this that you work with?"

"Um, do you know..." and he proceeded to name a guy who I dated a few years ago. And by "dated", I mean we went out a few times, but all the while I was wishing he was someone else, constantly comparing him to another guy that I liked, and knew I was wasting both his time and my own, but gave it a go because my mom was really really hoping he was 'the one'.

And yes, at the time, I was going to Gavan's every weekend, which I guess he must've thought was lame. But frig him! Those were some of the most fun times in my life. In fact, most often, I was turning down dates with him because I would have rather got my drink on with my friends there, than go out with him.

And anyways, as I proceeded to indignantly tell my friend, I'm hardly ever there any more! "Did you tell him that?? That I don't spend every weekend at Gavan's anymore???"

He confirmed that he had, in fact, told him that. But still, I was a little hot under the collar.

Spend all my time at Gavan's...imagine! I have a damned life! I do other things! I go other places!!

I was barely finished calming down from this huff when I was dragged in the total opposite direction.

Without going into a whole lot of detail, I've had my eye on another local single dude, off and on, for quite some time. A friend of mine agreed that he would be a good guy for me, and because she had a close connection to him, she offered to do some ground work for me to see if there was any interest on his part.

A few weeks later, she reported that her close connection didn't think it would work out because he wouldn't like that I go to church.


I mean, seriously... WHAT?!?

One guy is making fun of me because I spend too much time at the damned BAR, and the other is turned off by the fact that I go to CHURCH??

Honestly. What am I supposed to take out of this?

I live in a small town, people. There isn't a whole lot to do. On Saturday nights, yes, from time to time, I go to Gavan's and have a drink or two. Or ten.

And then I get up on Sunday mornings and I go to church.

I respect other peoples' beliefs, and I certainly don't feel the need to force my own on anyone. But I do know for sure that if I'm going to be with someone, they need to respect mine as well. I do not need a man who will come to church with me every Sunday, but he also needs to be okay with the fact that I do. My faith is important to me. It has got me through this past year of complete disaster.

I also need someone who is okay with the fact that if I decide to go out for a fun night, chances are it's going to be Gavan's. I'm comfortable there, and I've had many, many good times there. Yes, once upon a time it was like a second home to me on weekends, but that stage of my life is over now, and ideally, I'd rather be at home with my boyfriend watching movies or going out to dinner or doing something with other couples.

But there will still be nights at Gavan's. That's not going to change.

So what have we learned from all of this?

Well...I guess #1 is that I don't regret the fact that I never ended up with the first guy who thinks I'm a barfly. Real nice.

And #2 is that I've officially crossed off another "potential" who clearly never would have worked out, since I'm never going to give up my faith and beliefs for a dude.

So in conclusion, this leaves me as a confused single girl who is now caught somewhere between heaven and hell.

Ah, the joys.


Stacy said...

You can't please them all I guess...LOL

Stacie said...

One of life's greatest lessons, more often than not, you are darned if you do, darned if you don't, too nice for some, not nice enough for others, blah, blah, blah. Keep looking until you find the one who likes everything about you!

Nicole said...

Boy I wish I was familiar with the area you live in. It almost sounds like you live in a very secluded place, but I'm sure that's not true either... I only say this because heck I live in a small area (although sounds larger than yours maybe) and my sister-in-law has been married 3 times... and they've now split and she's still finding guys. There are so many great guys out there, definitely don't change who you are for a guy! That's the worst. And eventually God will drop the right guy in your lap (hopefully not literally :)) and you'll wonder what you ever saw in other guys. But being single is hard! I know. Maybe one of these days I'm going to have to come up there and take you guy shopping... LOL :)

nancy said...

I agree with Nicole, that one day the right one will come along. He will be proud that you have a strong faith. You will bring up beautiful babies with him, who will be baptized and taught that we need to live with gratitude to God for the abundance of goodness in our lives. I am proud of you Jill.