I knew this would happen.
I knew that as soon as my new niece arrived, I would become completely smitten – addicted – and instantly start dreaming of my own “someday” babies.
It happens every time someone I know has a baby.
There’s nothing more heavenly to me than sitting with my arms filled with this itty bitty soft pink new person swaddled in cozy blankets, watching baby sleep, gently running my fingers over her fine, silky hair, inhaling that glorious new-baby smell, letting her curl her tiny little fingers around mine. I could do it all day – just sit there and hold her, gaze at her, admire her, love her.
I honestly think this first few weeks, when the world is so new to her, and all she does is sleep in your arms, and no one’s harping at you to put her back in her bassinet…it’s my favourite part.
I crave having my own to cradle in my arms. My own little person to fuss over; to love unconditionally; to be mine.
So. That’s the goal. 1) Find a man 2) get married 3) have babies.
Easier said than done, though, right? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been trying to find ‘The One’ – that guy that I’m going to fall in love with, settle down with, and have super-cute babies with.
WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE ALL THE FRIGGIN NICE, SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE, NON-CREEPY, SINGLE MEN???
I can trumpet all damn day about how independent I am, and how I don’t need anyone to cut my grass or kill my spiders, but fact of the matter is, this is one job that I can’t do on my own.
The boy is kind of key in making the babies.
Ah! But here’s the really tricky part: When you’re trying to find the man to spend the rest of your life with and to be the father of your future children, you’re NOT ALLOWED TO TELL HIM YOU WANT BABIES, LIKE, STAT.
Scares the bejeesus out of them.
Seriously. I know. From first-hand experience.
But it is certainly a “criteria” that is very important to me. And while I realize it’s not exactly something you want to drop on the poor lad on Day 1 - (“so, who’s your favourite band? what kind of cookies do you like best? oh, by the way, do you want to have babies in the not-too-distant future??”) – it’s something that I need to find out fairly quickly.
There’s absolutely no point in me wasting time with a guy who’s not even close to ready for that stage in life, or has no interest in ever reaching that stage in life.
Babies are the end goal, here.
I want to be a mom. So badly.
I know there are a lot of steps to take between here and there. And I know it won’t be easy.
I also know there are other, less conventional ways of achieving that end goal.
But my heart really wants conventional. My heart wants traditional. My heart wants a husband, and a family.
And if it’s at all possible, I’m going to do my best to get it.
It’s all I can think about these days.