Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Single Girl Files: You can’t tell the boys you want a baby…

I knew this would happen.

I knew that as soon as my new niece arrived, I would become completely smitten – addicted – and instantly start dreaming of my own “someday” babies.


It happens every time someone I know has a baby.

There’s nothing more heavenly to me than sitting with my arms filled with this itty bitty soft pink new person swaddled in cozy blankets, watching baby sleep, gently running my fingers over her fine, silky hair, inhaling that glorious new-baby smell, letting her curl her tiny little fingers around mine.  I could do it all day – just sit there and hold her, gaze at her, admire her, love her.

I honestly think this first few weeks, when the world is so new to her, and all she does is sleep in your arms, and no one’s harping at you to put her back in her bassinet…it’s my favourite part.

I crave having my own to cradle in my arms.  My own little person to fuss over; to love unconditionally; to be mine.

So.  That’s the goal.  1) Find a man  2) get married 3) have babies.

Easier said than done, though, right?  I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been trying to find ‘The One’ – that guy that I’m going to fall in love with, settle down with, and have super-cute babies with.

But we’ve already covered the small-pond problem.  And the great expectations problem.  And the standards problem.  And the on-line dating problem.


I can trumpet all damn day about how independent I am, and how I don’t need anyone to cut my grass or kill my spiders, but fact of the matter is, this is one job that I can’t do on my own.  

The boy is kind of key in making the babies

Ah!   But here’s the really tricky part:  When you’re trying to find the man to spend the rest of your life with and to be the father of your future children, you’re NOT ALLOWED TO TELL HIM YOU WANT BABIES, LIKE, STAT.

Scares the bejeesus out of them.

Seriously.  I know.  From first-hand experience.

But it is certainly a “criteria” that is very important to me.  And while I realize it’s not exactly something you want to drop on the poor lad on Day 1 - (“so, who’s your favourite band?  what kind of cookies do you like best?  oh, by the way, do you want to have babies in the not-too-distant future??”) – it’s something that I need to find out fairly quickly.

There’s absolutely no point in me wasting time with a guy who’s not even close to ready for that stage in life, or has no interest in ever reaching that stage in life.

Babies are the end goal, here.

I want to be a mom.  So badly.

I know there are a lot of steps to take between here and there.  And I know it won’t be easy. 

I also know there are other, less conventional ways of achieving that end goal.

But my heart really wants conventional.  My heart wants traditional.  My heart wants a husband, and a family.

And if it’s at all possible, I’m going to do my best to get it.

It’s all I can think about these days.


Linking today’s Single Girl Files post up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday!



Stacie said...

I know when you are single and waiting, it seems like it will never happen, but I didn't marry until I was 30, so it will happen. Do it right and you'll only have to do it once!

Connie Weiss said...

I was you just 9 years ago. And I was getting OLD.

I prayed my ass off. And wrote in my journal about the man I wanted to meet. I kissed a lot of frogs.....and then one day.

BAM! I found him and we got married and had babies.


A few days ago I asked on my blog FB page where people met their spouses because my sister is having the same problem you are. I got some good responses.

Anonymous said...

This is going to sound so opposite but I honestly think there are some guys out there who do want kids. I have several friends who were not freaked out by the idea of kids. The thing is not to tell them up front. :)

Nicole said...

Become Nanny Fine, move in with a multimillionaire whose repressed b/c he lost his wife, has 3 kids who are practically grown, live with him for 5 years raising those kids, marry him, go on a fabulous honeymoon, get pregnant with twins. Ok I need to stop watching tv :)

VandyJ said...

It will happen. I found mine early, but I had a friend who kissed tons of frogs and then she got a new job, started dating a guy at her work and they live in Alaska now. You never know what corner you will turn and find the perfect for you guy.

VandyJ said...

It will happen. I found mine early, but I had a friend who kissed tons of frogs and then she got a new job, started dating a guy at her work and they live in Alaska now. You never know what corner you will turn and find the perfect for you guy.

Nadine Hightower said...

Oh Jilly! It will happen. Let's find that spider killer first. then the baby.

Beth said...

Oh, right on the nose! Until a month ago, I was in the EXACT same boat. And while I didn't tell boys I wanted babies on the first date, if we became exclusive I did bring it up. If it frightens them away, well then, they aren't the right guy for you. But since holding babies is the best, comfy, peaceful, loving experience ever, and we're hard-wired to consider it (as women), I think it's reasonable to want a hubby/father figure.

I never believed the whole "your soulmate is on his way to you, just be patient" stuff- it seemed like a lot of hope and little reality. But that's what happened with me, when I was actively NOT looking for it (literally, on vacation in another state). So....patience, I guess, is the key. You have plenty of baby-making years left in you. For now, hone those mommy skills by spoiling the babies you have access to, and keep your eyes open for the right man in an unexpected situation.

Good luck!

Steph said...

It will happen. The first step is having a goal and it seems like you do. I'll send good vibes your way.

Impulsive Addict said...

Oh sweetie...I know it's frustrating. But think of it like this. If you can check off #1 from your list, the other 2 goals fall into place soon after.

And yes, boys freak out a little bit if on the 1st few dates, you start talking about having babies. They're so weird. Why can't they share our viewpoint?

Stay positive! You'll meet him when you least expect it! I did!

Date Girl said...

I want you to have that too, so much. Especially #1, because well, once you have that, like IA said, the rest falls into place. And even if it takes awhile, you'll have that partner by your side, through the ups and downs that come with after "I do".
I know this sounds cheesy, but before I signed up for online dating, I made a list. It was about 2 months before I met Match, of all the goals I wanted in my perfect mate. And I'm telling you-he met all of them. It's a fun idea, and you know what, it puts it out there to the universe.

Date Girl said...

PS my hubs talked babies first. And I was the one who was freaked out. Your future Mr. may have babies on the brain just as much as you. :-)

Emmy said...

I asked Eric how many kids he wanted after we had been dating about two months- I totally meant in general not for sure with him. Totally freaked him out (he later told me)- but it also got him thinking ;)

3 months later we were engaged, 4 months later we we married.

Shawn said...

I can tell you one thing, I do not envy you single girls one little bit! I agree it does appear as if all the good ones are taken but there're not I promise.

Your Mr. RIght will come along, probably when you least expect him to. Good luck finding him.

Thanks for linking up!