If there’s one thing about dieting – or making a “lifestyle change”, as I try to call it - that I’ve realized, it’s this: Some days, it feels like I’m making no progress at all.
I call those my “fat days”. Those are the days that I look in the mirror and think, “I don’t look any different. The scales say I’m losing weight, but look at all this flab that’s left to go! I’m never going to look the way I want to look…”
There are days when I try on old clothes that used to fit, and I’m still not quite there, and it’s discouraging.
And there are days when I slip up. I eat, more than I should. I have a chocolate or woof down half a bag of pretzels (which is wayyy more than the “recommended serving size”!!) I indulge in something that I regret afterwards. I’ve been carefully planning my “treats” for the most part, to avoid the guilt, but on the odd day, I lose control. The willpower fades.
I try to stop myself before I shove something in my mouth, and try to figure out the calories I’m about to ingest. I ask myself, “Are you hungry? Do you really want this?” But sometimes, before I can answer those questions, I have shoved the food in my mouth and it’s too late.
The “fat days” suck. They make me want to regress to my old ways, to abandon exercise and healthy foods, to say, “To hell with it all. I love food too much for this shit.”
The good news is that there are also “skinny days” to counteract the “fat” ones.
Today is one of those blissful skinny days.
When I stepped on the scales this morning, I had officially hit the 30 lbs. lost mark. (I have not updated my ticker yet, since I try to only do that on Tuesdays…we’ll see if I can pull through the weekend and maintain that! Pray for me, people!!)
There’s nothing more rewarding than seeing a lower number each time I step on that scale. It’s definitely motivating. After having gone through a month-long plateau, it seemed, where I didn’t lose much at all, to see that number dropping again is so…gratifying. It makes me think, “Hey, I can keep eating carrot sticks and kiwis if that’s what’s going to happen! To hell with the poutines and cheeseburgers!”
I knew December would be a challenge, with potlucks and Christmas parties and cookies and sweets abound, but so far, I’m still losing. Eight days into December, and I’ve managed to keep it under control. Granted, I haven’t been to very many of those potlucks and parties yet, but still…I’m doing okay. I’m watching portions, I’m figuring out my calories, and I’m keeping track.
I truly think the best part of the “skinny day”, though, is feeling like my clothes are so loose they might fall off. That’s exactly how my work pants feel today. So loose and baggy that it’s probably not even acceptable to be wearing them in a work environment. They’re down-right sloppy-looking.
But to be honest? I don’t want to move to the smaller pair waiting in my closet yet. I want to enjoy this feeling of walking around in super-loose-fitting clothing, feeling like I have to keep hiking my pants up, feeling as though I could spin them right around me if I wanted to.
I haven’t felt that in a really long time. It brings a smile to my face.
On the “skinny days”, I feel like I walk taller, I feel like I sit up straighter, I feel almost graceful.
I have to ground myself on the “skinny days”.
You’re not there yet, Jill. You still have a lot of work to do. Get your head out of the clouds; don’t slap yourself on the back too hard. You’ve got a long way to go.
And I do. I still have a long way to go to reach my goal weight. Things aren’t going to get easier. It’s going to take even more dedication, more willpower, more exercise to accomplish my goals.
The battle is never going to be over.
But the “skinny days”?
The “skinny days” make it seem like anything’s possible.