Tuesday, May 08, 2012

The Single Girl Files: I need someone to kill the spiders…

You need a man around here
You can't do it all by yourself
To me it's painfully clear
That you could use a little help
Someone to kill the spiders (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Change the channel and drink the beer
Seems to me that you sure need
A man around here

This isn’t the first time I’ve used these Brad Paisley lyrics to emphasize just how badly I need a man.

But I’ve been humming that chorus – that one line, in particular - ever since I found this on my back landing last Friday night:


Yes.  For real.  It was a behemoth TARANTULA!!!!!

(or some other big scary variety of spider, probably not a tarantula, but whatever, it was huge and scary)

Friday evening, I had a big gang of girls in to shower our friend Lindsay with gifts & good wishes, as her wedding is upcoming this Saturday.  After the shower, I was tidying up, and waiting for my friend Brenda to come over.  I went down to the back landing, heading down to the basement, to retrieve a whole bunch of junk that I had left there.  (The landing is my “hiding spot” for junk when I have people over.)

And that’s when I saw him.

I froze.  I gasped.  I may have screamed.  I’m not sure.

And then I stood there and waited for Brenda.  (And took pictures on my phone, of course.) I was afraid if I moved, he’d run away and disappear and I’d have no idea where that monster was in my house.

And that was something I just could not risk.

I thought, for a split-second, that I could be brave and capture him under a cup.  But as soon as I got into position to slam the cup down over him, I freaked out and went and  stood back up at the top of the steps.

It felt like forever before I finally heard Brenda come in.

“Brenda…?  I need your help…”

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s  a really big spider in here and I don’t know what to do!”

“Oh, Jilly…” she kind of chuckled, like no biggie, you big baby, and came into the kitchen.  Then she saw him.  And she said, “Ohh…” and held up the little wad off tissue she’d brought with her and said, “I don’t think this is gonna work.”

She eventually squished him under a big paper plate.  She said she knew he was dead because she heard the crunch.  She’s far braver than I am.

And so….This is why it would be much better if I had a husband.  I was just lucky this time, knowing Brenda was on her way down.  Otherwise, I would have had to call someone to come down.  Keep in mind, this was around 10:30 PM on Friday night, so I couldn’t have called my mom or anyone like that.  I’m not sure my mom could have killed it, anyways.

It would have been so much more convenient to sweetly call out, “Oh honey!  I have a job for you!”


I am eternally grateful to Brenda for being there to slay this dragon for me.  I pray I never see another one in my home again.

But if I do, there had better be some hot, shirtless man there to kill it for me. 

Because that’s what husbands are for, right?? ;)


Linking today’s Single Girl Files post up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday!!



Sarah said...

I. Can't. Even. Imagine. I don't think I have ever seen a spider that big, in real life, crawling around. I would probably would have did the same thing, yelled for BRENDAAAAAAAA!

Xazmin said...

((Shudder)), spiders give me the willies more than any other creature on this earth!

I'm so sorry for your trauma! Glad you had a friend on the way to rescue you!

Sometimes husbands aren't the best for these jobs though. Seriously, my husband will try to smack one that is on the ceiling with a shoe or something, and he ends up missing, and it drops, and ends up somewhere we can't see....happens all the time! Ack!

Jodie said...

Omg, Jill!! I'm totally with you on this!!! I'm glad your friend was there for you! ha! :)

Stacie said...

Oh, I hate when you hear the crunch...sooooo gross!

Steph said...

Gross! That's totally what husbands are for along with taking out the trash.

Nicole said...

hehe I could have squashed that. I need a man for those damn snakes :)

Impulsive Addict said...

I'm ok with spiders. It's the snakes and scorpions that give me the shivers. We get several spiders in our house since we live outside of town. If they're big and hairy, I have M kill them for me! HA!

I hope you don't get any more!! =)

Thanks for linking up with us Jill! xoxo

Ricki Jill Treleaven said...

What is up with the spiders? We have been overrun with them, too.

Nadine Hightower said...

Oh Jilly! I love that. Oh Jilly. I am zen with spiders. I have one that is the shower most every day. he's big and brown, many people confuse this type of spider with brown recluses and they can be huge like taranulas. The shower spider is a wolf spider. he stays on his side and I stay on mine. we're good. But the day the wicked ninja spider was guardin' my razor... he had to go! He stood there lookin' like the Karate Kid Stork Move!! He was no match for the poof spongey thing and down the drain he went! There is also a beetle... he has no concept of boundaries!! On my leg like a humping dog!! He had to go!! one swipe with the poof thing and a whack with a shampoop bottle, he was no more!

Be brave Grasshopper until you find that husband that will change the channel and drink the beer.

Stacy Uncorked said...

AAAAAAAH! That ginormous spider totally would have freaked me out. Who am I kidding? The picture of it is freaky enough! :)

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Date Girl said...

I totally know that feeling. I hate spiders! When I lived alone I had a WOLF spider in my house. Google it. Scary as hell. I vacuumed it up, screaming the entire time.

Jillian said...

I once had one dangling from the light in the middle of my bedroom and I was freaking out....I killed it but not after I freaked for a bit