You need a man around here
You can't do it all by yourself
To me it's painfully clear
That you could use a little help
Someone to kill the spiders (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Change the channel and drink the beer
Seems to me that you sure need
A man around here
This isn’t the first time I’ve used these Brad Paisley lyrics to emphasize just how badly I need a man.
But I’ve been humming that chorus – that one line, in particular - ever since I found this on my back landing last Friday night:
Yes. For real. It was a behemoth TARANTULA!!!!!
(or some other big scary variety of spider, probably not a tarantula, but whatever, it was huge and scary)
Friday evening, I had a big gang of girls in to shower our friend Lindsay with gifts & good wishes, as her wedding is upcoming this Saturday. After the shower, I was tidying up, and waiting for my friend Brenda to come over. I went down to the back landing, heading down to the basement, to retrieve a whole bunch of junk that I had left there. (The landing is my “hiding spot” for junk when I have people over.)
And that’s when I saw him.
I froze. I gasped. I may have screamed. I’m not sure.
And then I stood there and waited for Brenda. (And took pictures on my phone, of course.) I was afraid if I moved, he’d run away and disappear and I’d have no idea where that monster was in my house.
And that was something I just could not risk.
I thought, for a split-second, that I could be brave and capture him under a cup. But as soon as I got into position to slam the cup down over him, I freaked out and went and stood back up at the top of the steps.
It felt like forever before I finally heard Brenda come in.
“Brenda…? I need your help…”
“There’s a really big spider in here and I don’t know what to do!”
“Oh, Jilly…” she kind of chuckled, like no biggie, you big baby, and came into the kitchen. Then she saw him. And she said, “Ohh…” and held up the little wad off tissue she’d brought with her and said, “I don’t think this is gonna work.”
She eventually squished him under a big paper plate. She said she knew he was dead because she heard the crunch. She’s far braver than I am.
And so….This is why it would be much better if I had a husband. I was just lucky this time, knowing Brenda was on her way down. Otherwise, I would have had to call someone to come down. Keep in mind, this was around 10:30 PM on Friday night, so I couldn’t have called my mom or anyone like that. I’m not sure my mom could have killed it, anyways.
It would have been so much more convenient to sweetly call out, “Oh honey! I have a job for you!”
I am eternally grateful to Brenda for being there to slay this dragon for me. I pray I never see another one in my home again.
But if I do, there had better be some hot, shirtless man there to kill it for me.
Because that’s what husbands are for, right?? ;)