Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Let's talk about my fat. And other random stuff.

Is it possible that I'm still coming down from the weekend?  I swear, I'm still not feeling back to "normal" yet.

Thought I'd go random this lovely Tuesday, and share the many little things running through my little brain today...
  • Pretty sure you guys are gonna go Oh my God, here she goes AGAIN!!!...but I'm starting another "healthy eating lifestyle" today.  I'm getting bigger by the day, and my cravings for all things crap are starting to take over my life.  It really hit me last night, after a day of stuffing my face with candy left-overs from Lindsay & Ryan's Candy Buffet, and then indulging in a combination platter from Gavan's last night (chicken fingers! onion rings! zuchinni sticks! fries! giant-ass cup of white sauce! OH MY!!)...I felt like absolute crud.  I'm tired of feeling this way.
  • I'm ashamed of myself.  At Christmastime, I had lost 32 lbs, and I was feeling better than I had in years.  I just let that all slip away, and blamed the world for it, calling it "stress eating".  I got into my dress for Lindsay's wedding, but it was supposed to be so big on me that it would need massive alterations.  That didn't happen.  And while I loved the dress, and loved how I felt in it, I can't help but feel disappointed when I see the pictures, and can't help but scrutinize the fatty parts of me that I know didn't look that bad a few months ago.  Below is a picture of our student minister Nancy & I after the wedding - I love the picture, but hate that I can't stop looking at my flaws...

I am tech and MS Paint unsavvy, apparently...click on the pic to enlarge to read my comments of self-loathing...it's fun, y'all
  • You know why ELSE I need to change my habits?  Cankers.  My mouth was so sore last night (about as sore as my feet!), and no amount of water and Listerine was making it feel any better.  I'm pretty sure the crap I've been eating is to blame for that.
  • And of course, a sales rep just stopped in for a visit with a big box of Tim Horton's doughnuts.  Of course he did.
  • OK.  Enough of this.  You've heard it all before anyways, right?  Here's the good news:  I FOUND MY KEYS!!!  Well, I don't actually have them in my possession just yet, but someone has my keys, I just need to arrange to get them back.  So.flippin.relieved.
  • I started Fifty Shades of Grey last night.  Three chapters down, and I think it's safe to say I'm hooked, even though I haven't really got to the juicy stuff yet.  But I know it's coming, and I can't wait to curl up with my book tonight!
  • Song that I can't get out of my head:  Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.  It has officially trumped What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction.  Yes, I am a teeny bopper in disguise.
  • Have I mentioned lately how excited I am that I'm going to be an auntie again!?  squeeeeeeee!!!!
  • The office is frigid today. Clearly, Lindsay is on her honeymoon, and not here to monitor the boys and their excessive use of the AC.  I generally don't like it as warm as she does, but it's seriously a frigging meat locker in here today.
  • I'm so glad this coming weekend is a long weekend.  God bless you, Queen Victoria, and whatever it is you did to deserve a holiday in your name.  I'm really looking forward to a day off!
Alrighty, I think that's it for now!  Oh, and if you'd like to hear what my Summer Playlist is looking like this year, I'm guest posting for that aforementioned honeymooning pal of mine over at A Small Town Kind of Life!  Check it!

Linking today's post up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday, and also with Stacy for Random Tuesday.



Shawn said...

You're so hard on yourself! Set a goal, if you stumble pick yourself off, say tomorrows a new day, and keep walking forward!

I read Fifty Shades of Grey yesterday, yep I pretty much did nothing else all day. It was a little much for me, I can't wrap my head around that "lifestyle". I'm still trying to decide if I'm reading the next book or not. Let me know what you think.

Thanks for linking up today and stay strong, you can do anything!

VandyJ said...

Snacking kills me. Last summer I snacked my way to 10-15 lbs. of extra weight. It's really sad that snacks taste way better than good for you food.
They have turned off the steam heat in our building on the campus where I work. I now am freezing during the day. Not necessarily a good thing that going outside is a way to warm up.

Connie Weiss said...

I just bought Call Me Maybe and I love it!!

I think you look great in that dress!

Nicole said...

I'm just going to point this out.... we are all our own worst critics... just saying! You look gorgeous! And I think I was hooked just with the 1st chapter I read on amazon. Mark got them for me so that's what I'll be reading later today!

Stacy Uncorked said...

I do stress eating or stress snacking...and have yet to get rid of the baby weight I gained - ahem - 9 years ago. ;) We all seem to be much harder on ourselves than anyone else - and see the flaws that no one else sees. You look gorgeous! :)

I just ordered the 50 Shades trilogy - I keep seeing people either love it or hate it...wonder which one I'll be? :)

Mother's Day Snap-Happy, Network Upfront Disappointments and Mindless TV, Non-Natural Aubrey O'Day, The Hunger Games Enjoyment

Sarah said...

I also started reading 50 Shades on Grey - im on chapter 12.
And YES, this weekend was horrible for the diet, buffet supper, candy, buffet breakfast for mothers day, chinese for supper.

As for the diet, you should check out the ABC The Revolution, Summer Ready in 20 days plan. Phase one, two and three. The give recipes for each meal and excercise options. http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/the-revolution/swimsuit-in-20-days-phase-1

Or if you just want to get back on the eating healthy, check out Dr.Oz's website, tons of yummy recipes there too to try out.

Stacie said...

You are too hard on yourself. Set a small, achievable goal, reach it, and then set another!

And I love teeny bopper music!

Impulsive Addict said...

Ok, STOP PICKING ON YOURSELF! That is a great picture of you!! We ALL have our personal struggles. For me, it's eating bad also. i totally feel your pain. I'm with Shawn. Just set some small goals for yourself and go on with your big bad self!!!

I LOVED Christian Grey. I want to have his baby. Seriously. So sexy. I can't wait for the movie!

Thanks for linking up pretty girl! xoxo

Date Girl said...

We're our own worst critic aren't we? I think you look lovely in that picture. Oh, and heat affects me even when I'm in shape-in fact, when I have a good amount of muscle on me, I feel like I'm even hotter. Match says I'm a furnace no matter my weight. I'm not sure what that's about!

Good luck with your healthy eating. I definitely think you'll feel better. I used to get canker sores all the time when I ate a lot of sugar-especially sour patch kids.

I've been on a health kick trying to lose the last bit of baby weight. It's tough but I definitely have a lot more energy. If we lived closer I'd go walking with you. If you ever need a cheerleader I'm here!

Jo said...

It's terrible how hard it is to stop snacking! I have all these good intentions and then bam, someone brings something nice in to work .... cookies mmh and all resistance crumble.

You are not alone in your struggle!

Nancy said...

I agree with Shawn, you are hard on yourself Jilly. But, you have made a very wise decision...to lose weight becuase you want to be healthier,not to fit into a dress for a special day. That's way less pressure and with less pressure you might be less inclined to stress eat.

have a great long weeknd, you deseve it after the busy-ness of work and wedding!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Crap. Now I have that song stuck in my head!!
Oh, for canker sores? Take Lysine! My friend told me about it and it really works!