In a Rut

Ever feel like you're in a rut? Like you're just stuck, and you can't get out, and you don't really know why you feel like that, but it makes you cranky? I had that kind of a weekend. Where you just feel discontent and crabby, and when you try to reason with yourself, you can't even pinpoint what exactly is wrong, but it just all feels so wrong.

So yeah, it's safe to say I didn't have a good weekend. But it wasn't a bad weekend either. I was just...in a rut.

Friday night I scrapbooked for four hours. Four long, productive hours. Then I watched two episodes of Grey's Anatomy from Season 2 and went to bed. Not a whole lot to complain about there, but I could feel the seeds of discontent being planted even then.

Saturday, Stacy and I went to Toys 'R' Us, where I bought presents for Caden's upcoming first birthday. I bought CDs and DVDs - all those things that normally make me a very happy kid. We ate lunch at Monkey Joe's, because that's what I was craving. I even bought donuts at Tim Horton's, because I really wanted a honey crueller, and I wanted to get my family a treat. I did all the things that usually make me feel fulfilled and happy, but instead I came home feeling restless.

So then I played with Caden - he's getting very cute, by the way. For instance, when he's doing something bad, and I tell him "No!" in a loud voice, he stares at me, turns red, and then shouts at me. Just baby gibberish, but it cracks me up. And when he got upset because his mommy and daddy left him to go to a ball banquet, I gave him the TV remote to play with to keep him happy. Which it did. He slobbered all over it, and by the time I took it away from him, it was full of teeth marks and half the buttons didn't work. If only chewing on a remote control could have made me feel better...

Playing with Caden always makes me happy, but by the time he went to bed, the restlessness had returned full force. I watched a bunch of episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and I was almost about to put on my pj's and go to bed. But I felt like I just had to do something, so I went to Gavan's with Luke and Kristen. Just in case my husband happened to be there, waiting to meet me. He wasn't. Lots of boys walked by and stopped to say hi and chat, but they were all taken or my relatives. None of them were my husband-to-be. It made me more depressed, so I went home, and watched two more episodes of Grey's Anatomy. It soothed me enough to go to sleep.

Today was by far the worst. I felt super-antsy, super-bitchy, and just super-annoyed with everything. I lay on the couch, watched a lot of Grey's. (You could say I spent more time this weekend with Meredith, McDreamy, and the gang than anyone else. A true testament to just how truly pathetic my life is right now.) Even right now, as I sit here at my computer and whine away to you, my faithful readers, I feel exasperated. I just wish something would happen. I wish I had a better way of explaining just how desperate I am for something...for anything. The problem is...I don't know what that anything is.

So I'm in a rut. I'm stuck in a rut, and I don't know what to do. I know, this probably sounds like I'm throwing a pity party for myself, and maybe I am, but I'm not doing it so that you guys feel sorry for me. I'm just doing it 'cause I need to vent. Venting always helps. So please forgive me for the rant of discontentment. I promise, I won't do it again anytime soon. When I'm in a rut, it usually doesn't take me long to get out.

Tomorrow I should be back to normal.

Thanks for listening. Have a good week, everyone!