Sunday, October 01, 2006

In a Rut

Ever feel like you're in a rut? Like you're just stuck, and you can't get out, and you don't really know why you feel like that, but it makes you cranky? I had that kind of a weekend. Where you just feel discontent and crabby, and when you try to reason with yourself, you can't even pinpoint what exactly is wrong, but it just all feels so wrong.

So yeah, it's safe to say I didn't have a good weekend. But it wasn't a bad weekend either. I was just...in a rut.

Friday night I scrapbooked for four hours. Four long, productive hours. Then I watched two episodes of Grey's Anatomy from Season 2 and went to bed. Not a whole lot to complain about there, but I could feel the seeds of discontent being planted even then.

Saturday, Stacy and I went to Toys 'R' Us, where I bought presents for Caden's upcoming first birthday. I bought CDs and DVDs - all those things that normally make me a very happy kid. We ate lunch at Monkey Joe's, because that's what I was craving. I even bought donuts at Tim Horton's, because I really wanted a honey crueller, and I wanted to get my family a treat. I did all the things that usually make me feel fulfilled and happy, but instead I came home feeling restless.

So then I played with Caden - he's getting very cute, by the way. For instance, when he's doing something bad, and I tell him "No!" in a loud voice, he stares at me, turns red, and then shouts at me. Just baby gibberish, but it cracks me up. And when he got upset because his mommy and daddy left him to go to a ball banquet, I gave him the TV remote to play with to keep him happy. Which it did. He slobbered all over it, and by the time I took it away from him, it was full of teeth marks and half the buttons didn't work. If only chewing on a remote control could have made me feel better...

Playing with Caden always makes me happy, but by the time he went to bed, the restlessness had returned full force. I watched a bunch of episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and I was almost about to put on my pj's and go to bed. But I felt like I just had to do something, so I went to Gavan's with Luke and Kristen. Just in case my husband happened to be there, waiting to meet me. He wasn't. Lots of boys walked by and stopped to say hi and chat, but they were all taken or my relatives. None of them were my husband-to-be. It made me more depressed, so I went home, and watched two more episodes of Grey's Anatomy. It soothed me enough to go to sleep.

Today was by far the worst. I felt super-antsy, super-bitchy, and just super-annoyed with everything. I lay on the couch, watched a lot of Grey's. (You could say I spent more time this weekend with Meredith, McDreamy, and the gang than anyone else. A true testament to just how truly pathetic my life is right now.) Even right now, as I sit here at my computer and whine away to you, my faithful readers, I feel exasperated. I just wish something would happen. I wish I had a better way of explaining just how desperate I am for something...for anything. The problem is...I don't know what that anything is.

So I'm in a rut. I'm stuck in a rut, and I don't know what to do. I know, this probably sounds like I'm throwing a pity party for myself, and maybe I am, but I'm not doing it so that you guys feel sorry for me. I'm just doing it 'cause I need to vent. Venting always helps. So please forgive me for the rant of discontentment. I promise, I won't do it again anytime soon. When I'm in a rut, it usually doesn't take me long to get out.

Tomorrow I should be back to normal.

Thanks for listening. Have a good week, everyone!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Jill!

I have been there. More times than you would think. It actually happens a lot more since we moved to the house. I will get so frustrated with it and then I just go down down down until I am in a rut. My last episode was one of Cluster Flies... they caused my last rut just last weekend... I am better now though... after the weekend was over and the flies subsided it got better.
This weekend was just too buys to think about anything. Friday night I worked. Saturday morning I flew to the city to help Ashley pick out material for the bed topper I have been contracted to make for her mom. Then I got home, cleaned, did dishes and made 14 mini pies and 5 big pies. This resulted in a rolling pin callus that hurts! Then I made supper with Linda for the hard working men that worked on my house all day. Then I did laundry and went and saw the new calves and of course my calf.
Sunday I sewed all day long working on the Pasch bed topper. I got all 18 blocks complete, cut out the fabric for the sahsing and worked on a bit of my own thing. Then I watched the Race and went to bed.

It was quite the weekend and I am so excited for the long weekend coming up!

Sharon

Stacy said...

Well Jill - sorry to hear you were in a rut - but i know how you feel - believe me! Anyways we didn't do anything much either - Saturday we had Katie - we put on Uptown Girls and the three of us were falling asleep - so we all went to bed at like 9 - Sunday, didn't accomplish much again. Anyways you said it Saturday Jill -its a good idea to relax this weekend because this coming weekend is the ball banquet - the following is Car Rally and Caden's birthday - the following is Steve Agnew then the Halloween Party - so you shouldn't have a "dull weekend" again for at least a month!
Anyways have a great day!!

Jill said...

Glad to hear you guys have had rutty days lately too. I already feel better today, looking ahead to all the stuff coming up. Dull weekends depress me, but Stace, you're right - no dull weekends in the forecast for awhile!
Sharon - sounds like quite the busy weekend! Oh, and tonight I'm going to do my Race Re-cap, so everyone tune in tomorrow for that! haha...
Take care, girls!

Stacy said...

Amazing Race this time around just isn't doing it for me - I don't really have a favorite team - I mean we have to have a couple like Kimberly and Rob (is that their names) who fight all the time and stuff like those other couples on every season - Sarah - the one with the fake leg there, she drives me nuts - the "happy" boys drive me crazy and oh so close lastnight, they could have gone home - that Mary and the Coalminer, her voice drives me insane and her "sprained ankle" every episode - go home already. The black single moms - well lastnight she said that the challenge was just as hard as childbirth....wtf and she was wandering around in Vietnam in her bra....that's my opinion of the people. The beauty queens aren't even pretty and the only couple I liked, went home lastnight - the dad and the lesbian daughter.
Oh well - well tonight is BINGO night...lol - Jill you should join us some night - $5.00 and you can win $200 the first one (double bingo) then $300 the second one (BNO) and $1000 (full card) - it only lasts a half hour - starts at 7 PM on CHIP FM...lol - we haven't won yet but I feel our time is coming soon!
Anyways, almost time to go home!
Take care

Anonymous said...

hi Guys

I am writing this now at 8:00 at night, no one will probably even read it because tomorrow will be a new blog. BUT just in case, here I go....(besides if tomorrow's blog is a recap of The Amazing Race than I won't have much to say. I am more interested in the "rut" topic.
Jill- I kinda got the impression you were in a bad mood when I called you Sunday afternoon. Don't worry everyone has ruts...I found this week-end kinda low key too. Actually Sunday after talking to you my afternoon went blah, blah...boring. Nothing to watch on TV, I was feeling yucky and didn't know if I wanted to eat supper or not, Graham didn't know what to do with me and he ended up falling asleep before 9, while I lay awake not even tired yet. So I guess we all have those times. But Stacy is right- this whole month is fun, fun, fun! You won't even have time to think about a rut. Thanksgiving is just rolling in- turkey dinner here we come. Think about all you have to be thankful for..ha ha.. I know I'm dumb.
Stacy- did Jill tell you about what Graham thinks we should turn our car into for car rally? He has it all thought out- how to do it, where to get the stuff to make it. He kept telling me to pass this idea on so I finally did. He is very anxious to get planning. Anyways I won't say what it is just incase ppl reading take our idea...lol.
Sharon- how is the house coming? I should drive back and check it out sometime soon.
Hello to PK out there- haven't heard from you in awhile!
Well I guess I have nothing else to say...I have to go find some turkey art on the internet.
OH- what's up with another school shooting???? Seems like girls are the ones being targeted too...
Talk to you all later
Sara