Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Bachelor: Ugly Meets Ugly

Last night was the debut of The Bachelor: Rome - and I'm going to re-cap it because I devoted two hours of my life to watch it, but I'm making no promises to do so in the future. I was completely disappointed and annoyed with the whole production, and here are a few reasons why:

I'll begin with the object of the show, "Prince" Lorenzo Borghese. Touted as Italian royalty, it didn't take me long to figure out that Prince Lorenzo was a bit of a fraud. He himself explained to the viewing public that his title of prince is because he has a former Pope in his ancestry, and eighty zillion years ago, that Pope gave all of his family titles. So I don't think that makes him a real prince. And just because his family's name is all over Rome doesn't mean he's that important. That might've impressed the ladies, but it sure didn't impress me.

The second problem I have with the dude is his name. Lorenzo. Lorenzo. It's not a cool name. Not unless you're a hunky Italian lad with a thick charming accent. Nope. Lorenzo's a New Yorker whose claim to fame is his family's involvement in the cosmetic industry. Whoopi-doo. He doesn't even speak Italian, as we later found out when he tried to engage in a conversation with an Italian girl. He wanted to know if she liked sports. When it was clear that she didn't understand him, he asked if she liked guns, if she shot people, if she hunted giraffes. Then he laughed and said he was just kidding. Yeah, that was funny. Idiot-stick.

Thirdly, and most importantly, he's not hot. He looks slimy, his hair is floopy, he's not buff, he's not tall...he's non-descript. And he's got about as much charm as a snail. Compare him to last year's Bachelor - the handsome, intelligent, sweet Dr. Travis Stork. Lorenzo couldn't even carry his stethoscope. One woman said that Prince William ain't got nothing on Prince Lorenzo. Sorry, darling, but I'd even take Prince Charles over this doofus.

This brings me to the next big problem: The women brought in to swoon at his feet. If I'd been them, I would've hopped back into that limo and demanded a refund. I think they must've drugged them or something, though - they all gushed about how "sexy" Lorenzo is and all stated that they absolutely must be his future wife or they'll just die! One girl even sold her car so she could afford gowns suitable for such an adventure. If I were her, I'd have felt a little ripped off.

But let's forget for one moment that Lorenzo's dorky-looking. Let's just pretend he's Wade Redden or someone of that hotly stature. Okay, so he's standing there, and then the women start piling out of the limos - does he not see what I do? These women are not very attractive. Surely to God he must notice that they're caked in too much make-up, wearing ghastly dresses, and acting completely fake in an effort to win his heart. But no. Good ol' Lor insists that he's stuck in the best dream a man could ever have. Umm...okay. I'm not a guy, so I'll leave that judgement up to him, but I'm pretty sure some of the past bachelors have had much nicer "dreams".

I'd like to point out a few of the ladies for whom I took an instant hate. There's Miss. Grouch-face. I believe her real name is Gina. She was all googly-eyed and sweetness when Prince Borghese was around, but when other girls were clawing all over him, she stood in the background with her mouth pursed and her eyes shooting daggers. She looked like the Devil. But somehow, she got a rose. Then there was the over-the-top Desiree, who boogied for Lorenzo in her short, revealing white dress, and she crawled right under my skin by calling him "Baby" every chance she got. Lorenzo was instantly smitten, though. I just hope he knows she called the cameraman "baby" too...it's not exclusively his nickname. But somehow, she, too, got a rose. And of course there was the socialite's daughter. I think her name was Lauren, but I'm not sure. I don't know what a socialite is, but from the sneak peek into her home that they shared with us, I think it means her mom scampers around their mansion in a skimpy red dress, fussing over her little girl. She chose to wear a tiara to distinguish herself as Lorenzo's "princess" right off the bat. Honey, no need to wear the tiara...he should remember you because you're HOMELY. And yet, somehow, she also got a rose.

Finally, the biggest fault I have with this show is that they drag it all on for so damned long. Last night's show easily could have fit in one painful hour, but they insisted upon drawing it out for two long, excruciating hours. Another pet peeve of mine is how they highlight the upcoming events as they head into each commercial - so you pretty much know before it happens that one girl is gonna get the prince to hug a tree, that two Roman goddesses are going to descend into the catfight, that some poor bitch is gonna sing opera from a balcony in hopes of impressing, and that the dumb curly-haired blonde lady is gonna get plastered. And why, exactly, is there always such a spotlight put on the drunk girls? Why must they always be painted with a black brush? You toss a pack of nervous women into a castle and provide them with bottomless champagne glasses - how many of 'em do you think are going to emerge at dawn walking a straight line? Hell, if I showed up for this show and found out Lorenzo was the grand prize, I'd probably want to get shitfaced too.

All of this being said, the Canadian girl was one of the very, very few who impressed me, and because she won a rose last night, I'll probably tune in next week, just to make sure that he spares her a rose next week. I'd hate to see such a nice, down-to-earth gal getting stuck having to go on more stupid dates with the big scuzzball.

And that concludes my re-cap for The Bachelor: Ugly Meets Ugly. If you watched it...I'm so sorry I made you re-live it all again.

Have a good one, kids!

8 comments:

Stacy said...

Good Morning,
The Bachelor doesn't really turn my crank either Jill - well lastnight Ricky and I devoted 3 hours of playing Chip FM Bingo and we didn't win ONCE - not even the $50 we spent on the cards, nothing, NADA...not impressed and now I am tired today. So tonight is the night I guess eh Jill - from this day forward, we will have re-caps of the Sens games. Ricky is excited - guess I'll be watching America's Next Top Model alone tonight. Don't forget Jill, for those games that you don't get, feel free to come over and watch it at our place, if you can stand with Ricky apparently always cheering for the opposite team just to p*ss you off! LOL. Anyways I have a feeling that this day is going to drag on - it's dark and gloomy and apparently, going to rain all day. Yuck - but I hear the weekend will be nice and sunny. May have to start raking some leaves. The fun begins!
Anyways have a WONDERFUL day everyone!

Anonymous said...

Well Jill, I didn't stay up to watch the Bachelor and I am glad I didn't. Your recap was funny and I am guessing pretty much to the point. I wonder if Dr. Travis is still with the school teacher. I always wonder... but then we only hear when they brake up.
Last night I watched a Gilmour Girls repeat because there was nothing else on. Wayne made me supper and he even made me peas... which is very special because he loathes peas. And for Sara's question from yesterday, I am not going to ball banquet, I never paid to go when she asked. I am not sure if Wayne is going, I keep telling him to go... but he hasn't said if he is or not yet.

Well the fog was thick this morning, hope the day goes by fast so I can go home and relax!

Sharon

Anonymous said...

Oh and Jill and Sara, thank you for the lovely cards. I forgot to mention that in my last post!

Sharon

Stacy said...

Just so you know Sara - after Sharon's comment, just want to make everyone aware that no one paid for their "guest" so just so you know it's $13.00 at the door - the guys have already paid, it was included in their fee of $50. Sara - if you get there before us, save us a spot, I hope we don't have to sit with our team...lol. I think it's Roast Beef Dinner (yuck) and Black Forest Cake or something - I'm not too fussy on that! Just wanted to pass that by in case you thought you weren't allowed to go because you didn't pay. Leslie is just collecting the money at the door.

Talk to ya's later!

Jill said...

Morning, ladies -
Well, my day just got peachy. We have the computer tech guy coming to fix the network today here at work, so once he arrives, I'm a free bird! Yipee! I'm going to join Mom, Grandma, and the aunts for lunch out at the Village Inn in Shawville! I'm so excited!
So I guess by the sound of things everyone's getting primed for ball banquet on Friday night. I'm very excited to party. I may even drink. Ya never know.
Sharon - you're welcome (for the card). I hope you had a good day! And that's nice that Wayne made you peas - I'm with him on the loathing part, though...haha!
And yes, Stacy, you're right, hockey starts tonight - I can't WAIT to re-cap it! Of course, should the Sens lose, there shall be absolutely no mention of hockey at all - just a word of warning! ;o)
Take care gang!

Anonymous said...

Oh I will have to tell Wayne about the Black Forest Cake, he will be going for sure. He loves black Forest.

And Peas are the best vegetable along with Carrots, that's why the old saying goes "went together like peas and carrots" because THEIR the BEST!

GO SENS GO!


Sharon

Priscilla said...

I like peas too.

Anonymous said...

Just a little something to get the blood flowing through Jills veins I saw this tidbit on HOT 899's Josie and the city morning bit from yesterday!

--A very reliable source I have in Toronto told me that Liberal MP, Belinda Stronach is pregnant with former Toronto Maple Leaf’s tough guy, Tie Domi’s child. In a divorce application filed on September 18, Leanne Domi asserts the end of her marriage was directly related to an “intimate, sexual relationship” between Belinda and her husband. --

How do you like them apples!

Sharon