Confess before the long weekend…

Oh, long Shawville Fair weekend!  Thank goodness you’re finally here!

Let’s get things rolling with a few little confessions first…

Linking up with Aubrey @ High-Heeled Love.

I confess… I think Thursday night at the fair is quickly becoming my favourite night to go!  It’s a quieter night – at least, to walk around and check out the handicrafts and exhibits (I hear the truck pull had a huge crowd, but we didn’t go near it) – and it seems to be the night that a lot of locals choose to go, so there’s many friendly faces to chat with.  LOVED the fair last night!

I confess… that although I was tempted, I held strong.  I had the two slices of pepperoni pizza from Billy T’s, as I had planned, and avoided all other delicious treats.  I suppose this would be a juicier confession if I told y’all I fell off the wagon and hoovered down every deep-fried thing I came across, right?  Sorry. ;)

I confess… that although I try not to get too “excited” about food these days (get excited for a jog, Jill!  Not food!) – I have to admit I’m pumped to try out “Bonnie’s” food booth at the fair either tonight or tomorrow, after Holly’s recommendation in the comments yesterday. ;)  I’ll be stopping by at some point for sure!!  And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to going to The Lonestar Sunday for Stacy’s big birthday dinner.  The famous chips & salsa alone have me salivating… And of course I’m excited to just hang out and visit with everyone while celebrating Stace’s big 3-0!

I confess… that I get wound up and worried over stupid little things.  No surprise, right?  This morning, it was over the fact that my aunt & uncle are giving me a bedroom set that they aren’t moving with them to their new house – a headboard, night tables, and dresser.  I’m so excited to get a nice, new-to-me beautiful set of furniture like this, but I almost canned the whole thing because I didn’t think I could find enough guys to help move it upstairs, and I’m not convinced it will fit up the stairs to begin with.  Stress much?  ugh.  Of course, a few quick emails and texts to a few of the best guys I know assured me that there will be hands on deck to help.  *phewf*

I confess… that life would really be so much easier with a husband.

I confess… that I don’t care if it’s raining tomorrow night.  I will stop at nothing to get to Dallas Smith.  Trooper, on the other hand?  As much as I’d like to see them (for the 2 songs I know), I’m not braving rain or thunderstorms tonight to go… We’ll play it by ear!

I confess… that I was shocked this morning when my mom told me she might come back up to the fair with me tonight, because she’d love to go to the steer auction.  Seriously.  My mother.  At a steer auction.  ??!?!??Completely baffled by this.  You think you know someone…

I confess… that as much as I want to go to the fair tonight, there is a part of me that would rather hang out with Dexter.  I’ve got the finale of Season 2 up next, and I can’t wait to see what happens!

I confess… that I’m really glad the first day of school is over for the little kids.  Tummy can return to normal now that we’ve jumped that hurdle.   What a relief.

OK.  Is it time to go home yet?!?!?!

Have a fabulous long weekend, everyone!!!!  C’mooon end of the day! ;)

The back-to-school blues, and other randoms.

It’s a grey, overcast Thursday morning here, and all I’ve got is some random to share today…

• It’s been 11 years since I finished college.  I have no children of my own.  So can someone please explain to me why the first day back to school still causes me to feel blue?  Why seeing the kids waiting for their buses this morning makes my tummy hurt?  Why I get tears in my eyes looking at all the “first day of school” pictures my friends are posting of their kids on Facebook?  Why I feel so sad, even for the happy ones?

My nephew looks way happier than I ever did… I was usually crying.

• It wasn’t so long ago that I posted about how normally this time of year leaves me feeling depressed and unsettled, but that this year I was actually looking forward to Fall and getting excited for it.  Apparently all I needed was the first day back to school to get that old, blue feeling back again…
• I swear, if I ever have kids of my own, I’m going to have to homeschool them.
• OK – happy things, happy things… It’s FAIR TIME!!  The good ol’ Shawville Fair is always a highlight on my calendar, and I’ll be getting my first taste of the 2013 edition tonight!  Mom and I are going to head up there after work.  She wants to take in the opening ceremonies, we’ll browse the exhibits and craft displays, and have some delicious fair food.  So excited :)

• Ah, yes.  Fair food.  Were you all waiting for me to do the customary I’M NOT EATING FAIR FOOD THIS YEAR post?  I mean, it would make sense since I’ve changed to my new healthy lifestyle, right? Nope.  Not gonna happen.  Not this year.  I’ve learned that it’s all about balance.  Depriving myself of the yummy treats at the fair might give me satisfaction in the end, but the struggle while I’m there isn’t worth it.  The key is to be selective; picking one of two treats to have – like tonight, I’m hoping to have a slice or two of Billy T’s pizza – instead of five or six treats (fudge, Beavertails, poutine, ice cream), like I used to.  And making sure the rest of my day allows for the treat.  I’ve already figured out that if I have two slices of pizza tonight, I’ll still be under my daily calorie goal on MyFitnessPal.  It’s do-able, I just need to be strategic about it!

• I have set myself a limitation, though, which is going to be important for me this weekend if I hope to survive the Fair without gaining 5 pounds:  nothing deep-fried.  It’s a toughie.  The deep-fried goodness is a big feature of Fair delicacies.  They deep fry everything these days.  So I’ll be in line for the likes of pizza and 4-H burgers, instead of the deep fried Mars bars, pickles, and the Poutine Machine…this is my solemn vow.
• Another change for me this year?  No ‘big white ride’ for this kid… That’s right, I said it.  No beer tent.  Or, at least, no drinks from the beer tent.  I’m honestly not even sad about it – the crazy crowds, the long lines, people spilling  beer on you, the terrible hangover the next morning… I’m skipping it this year.  Sure, I’ll be around the tent – that’s where you meet up with people you only get to see once a year! – but I’m staying out of the craziness for the most part.
• There is one treat that this weekend will hold that I’m MOST looking forward to, even more than the Fair, and that is Stacy’s 30th birthday dinner at The Lonestar on Sunday evening!  I think I said it once already this week, but… I can’t wait!
• I’m reading Room by Emma Donoghue – our next book club selection – and while it’s taken me a while to get into it, I feel like I might finally be reading something that’s going to take hold of me.  It’s been a long time since I read a book that I just couldn’t put down.  I have high hopes for it, and I’m also excited for the bundle of books I have coming to me from the Chapters Indigo website, which I ordered yesterday.  I KNOW what you’re thinking … “so much for Jill and her no-frivolous-spending policy”.  But I had gift cards to use!  Swears!!

• I had the worst jog everrrr last night.  As I headed out around 5:30 from my mom’s, she sing-songed, “It’s tooo hooot to be joooogging…”  Yes.  You win, Mom.  I had to pep-talk my way through at least half of it, and I ended up cutting it 5 minutes short because I thought I was going to keel over.  My head started to ache about half-way through, and by the end I almost felt light-headed.  Won’t make that mistake again… But hey.  I did it.  Soooo looking forward to non-humid Fall jogging…
• I’m also looking forward to starting a new work-out program this fall/winter.  Haven’t decided yet if I’ll start it before Christmas or after, but I’ve decided to try out Les Mills Combat.  I think it’ll combine my love for TurboFire with how much I used to enjoy going to Karate.  I’m really excited about it, and hoping it’ll take me to the next level with my fitness.  Which is code for, “I hope it finally helps me get rid of my spare tire”.  That damn thing is clinging on for dear life.

Hope you’re all having a great day, and that the back-to-school blues aren’t getting you down… *sniff*sniff*

A Tuesday Happy List… because I need to remember the happy :)

It’s been one of those mornings.  You know the kind.  Nothing majorly disastrous has happened, but a series of small blunders have piled up, leaving me in a bit of a grump.

My Keurig balked on me and I had to smack it really hard to get it to spew out the coffee.  I cut up too much watermelon for my snack and couldn’t find a container big enough to put it all in.  When I did find one in the jungle of plastic containers in my cupboard, about eighty million others came tumbling down with it.  My lunch wouldn’t fit in the bag I carry it in.  I couldn’t get the foil thingy off the new bottle of Coffeemate I opened.  AND my garage door was stuck and I had to fight to get it open.

*sigh*

So needless to say, I think it’s a perfect day to bring on the happy.  And that is why I’m linking up for the very first time with Ricki Jill from Art @ Home for her “My Happy List” linky party!

• Spaghetti – Such a simple little thing to be happy about!  Homemade spaghetti sauce is one of my favourite things to make, but it’s been months since I’ve made it.  Today is a “rest day” on my work-out schedule, so I’m taking advantage of the extra time tonight to make a special dinner.  I can’t wait to be home and have the delicious smell of sauce simmering in my kitchen!

• A night to putter – It seems lately my week night evenings have been busy – nothing major, just rushing to squeeze in a work-out, grab a quick supper, and do the things that need to get done before bed (laundry, dishes, etc.) Tonight, I have a clean slate, and I actually look forward to having time to change the scent in my Scentsy warmer, paint my nails, read a few extra chapters in my book, and just relax on the couch for a change!
• Dexter -  My mom told me on the weekend she’s sick of reading about Dexter on my blog.  Sorry, Ma, but he’s making me happy these days!  I so look forward to watching an episode in the evening before bed.  Tonight, I may even have time for two!

Kara, this blood-spattered Dexter pic is just for you!!!

• Chai tea – It makes me think of autumn, which I’ve so been longing for these past few weeks.  I have a steaming cup of it in front of me right now as I type this!

• My book – As of right now, this doesn’t actually exist.  All I have so far is an idea that I’ve been rolling around in my head.  But I’ve made a promise to myself to start writing again – beyond the blog.  I’ve always said one of my dreams is to publish a novel, but that won’t happen if I never actually write something.  I think I’m finally on the cusp of it…
• Dallas Smith – He’s been my favourite “musical discovery” of the past year, and I’m looking forward to seeing him live again on Saturday night at the Shawville Fair.  This time, I’ll be more familiar with his songs and I can’t wait to be there singing along!

• My self-imposed budget -  A strange thing to be “happy” about, to be sure.  But I’ve made the decision to really crack down on my own frivolous spending – and, once again, to abolish the use of my credit card.  It’s time to start saving money if I ever want to make some of my “dreams” come true (a new TV, PVR, DVD player, possibly even my own house someday…)  I can’t keep waiting for magic to happen with my bank account.  It’s up to me, and it starts *now*.  I’ll still have my treats – dinners out with friends, movie nights, seasons of Dexter of course! – but my relationship with the Old Navy and Amazon websites just has to end. ;)
• Celebrating -  This upcoming weekend is already an exciting one because it’s Shawville Fair, which is always a highlight on my calendar – but more than that, I’m excited about going to The Lonestar with friends to celebrate Stacy’s 30th birthday!  I can’t wait!!
• Looking ahead -  We’re approaching a season change, which often leaves me feeling unsettled (especially the one from summer to fall), but for some reason, I’m feeling more excited than anything this time.  I’m sure the weekends in September and October will start filling up with activities, but as of right now, it’s pretty quiet for the most part, and I’m relishing that.  I’m looking forward to taking a deep breath and soaking it all in – and being happy in those moments.
• A community to be proud of  - I wrote last week that I was happy to be a part of a community that pulls together in hard times, and that I knew the benefit party for my friend’s brother would be a big one.  I really had no idea at that time just how BIG it would be.  On Friday evening, our little community centre hall was bursting at the seams with support for Harold & his family.  It even made the news!  I’ve never been more proud of my town and the people in it.  I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else… :)

Photo of Harold & the Ferry staff who organized the benefit party

Credit to Dolan Art & Photography

There!  Despite the little things that have gone “wrong” today, it’s so nice to take a step back and breathe in the happy.  I needed that!! :)

Also linking up today for Talk To Us Tuesday with Shawn!

Grandma takes one for the team.

As many of you already know (because I write about it often), I loooove going to the movies.  Love love love. 

The movie theatre is one of my very favourite “happy places”.  I adore the experience of taking in a movie on the big screen, in a darkened theatre, in a big comfy seat, with a bag of buttery popcorn in my hands.

How exactly I came to love movie theatres as much as I do, though, is a bit of a mystery.

The only time I ever remember my dad going to a movie was the very first movie I saw in theatres.  I was really young, so it’s an extremely vague memory, but he & my mom took us to see Honey I Shrunk The Kids.  Seriously.  That’s the only recollection I have of my dad ever going to the movies. 

And my mom?  Well, she definitely got the job of taking me to the movies more often, but it wasn’t one of her favourite things to do.  Usually it involved begging and a little bit of crying to get her there.  Oh, and the promise of Bruce Willis always seemed to help.  (That would explain the fact that I managed to get her out to Armageddon, The Whole Nine Yards, AND The Sixth Sense.)  I can probably count on one hand the number of times my mom took me to the movies when I was a kid, though.

Mom was always quite happy to let Luke & I join my cousin Patti & her boys when they were going to the movies, and it was probably on those trips when I was a kid that made me truly fall in love with the movie theatre experience.

But I definitely didn’t get it from my mother.

I had been promising my niece and nephew all summer long that I was going to take them on a date to the movies.  It’s one of my favourite things to do with them, as I hope to instill in them the same love of “going to the movies”. 

Unfortunately, busy summer weekends kept getting in the way, and I was starting to worry my promise would never be fulfilled.  I finally arranged to take them on Sunday afternoon, and I had been looking forward to it all week long.  I looked up movie times last Friday, and thought we’d probably take in the movie Planes at the theatre in Hull at 2:30.

However, when I decided to double-check the movie times early yesterday afternoon, I discovered I’d somehow made a mistake.  Planes was only showing in French at my go-to theatre, and there were no other movies suitable for children playing in English there at all.  There were options at other theatres, but we were already too late to get to them, or they were going to be too late in the day.

There was one.  And only one.  And that was The Smurfs 2 in 3D at the Colisseum in Ottawa at 2:50 PM.

And Danica informed me immediately that she would NOT go because she would NOT wear the 3D glasses.

I had a real ol’ flipping meltdown.  I told her she wasn’t being very nice.  And I might have actually slumped down in my chair and cried.  (To which my mother admonished, “Oh, c’mon, you’re worse than a kid!!!”)  Caden and I pleaded with Danica to please just try them out, that it would be fun, but she just kept shaking her head “no”.

The reason for my meltdown was two-fold, I believe.  The first part was because I felt like a crappy aunt.  I’m always very careful about checking movie times, and I couldn’t believe I’d somehow screwed it up.  I knew Caden especially was really looking forward to it, and I hated the thought of letting him down because of my own stupidity.

The other part?  Well, that was purely selfish.  But I was mad because I really really love going to the movies, and I’d really really been looking forward to going and getting my popcorn and having fun with the kids.  And I was disappointed that it might not happen now.

Grandma tried to figure out an alternative.  She suggested renting a movie at the store and watching it at her house.  Caden and I both said it wouldn’t be the same.  She then scanned the movie times and was looking up maps to find out where the movie theatre was in Barrhaven, because The Smurfs was playing there, not  in 3D, but I informed her I wouldn’t have time to get all the way out there for the 2:30 showing, and I didn’t even know where the hell Barrhaven was.  Caden and I asked Dan if she’d stay with Grandma while we went on without her, and she just kept shaking her head with that scowl on her face.  The more we begged, the more adamant she became.  She was NOT going to wear those damned 3D glasses, and Caden and I weren’t going to either!!

It was a disaster.  A real ol’ frigging disaster.

Finally, Mom said, “Danica, will you wear the glasses if Grandma comes and wears them too?”

She nodded her head instantly.

Grandma to the rescue!!!

Mom really didn’t want to go.  She muttered something about how the last thing she thought she’d be doing on a Sunday afternoon was going to see The damn Smurfs and wearing silly 3D glasses, but if it was going to keep the peace between me and here darling grandchildren…  she would do it.

We had fun.  The movie was cute, the kids seemed to enjoy it, and lo and behold, Danica didn’t seem to mind wearing those glasses at all as long as Grandma was sitting beside her wearing them too.

Now if only I’d thought to take a picture to commemorate the occasion… ;)

Thank you, Grandma, for taking one for the team yesterday!!  You saved the day for me, and I owe you one now for sure!!!

Friday… Confession Time!

PEACH of a Friday out there, friends!  Let’s get ready for the weekend with a little confessing…

Linking up with Aubrey @ High-Heeled Love :)

I confess… that despite being proud of the way Wentworth Miller came out the other day (in protest of the appalling treatment the Russian government are giving to gay & lesbian people living in that country), I was a little bit sad too.  I’d heard the rumors, but I didn’t want them to be true.  Finding out your boyfriend is gay is always gonna be a bit of a shot to the heart, isn’t it?

I confess… I should’ve known.  That smart?  That sexy??  He really was too good to be true, wasn’t he??

I confess… that the Wentworth Miller “coming out party” still managed to bring a smile to my face, with the texts and emails I received from family & friends wanting to break the news to me gently.  My peeps are the best.

I confess… I’ve been avoiding googling anything to do with Dexter, because I kind of ruined Prison Break for myself by googling the crap out of it while I was watching it (hit wayyyy too many spoilers that took away some of the suspense of the show).  However, after Wentworth’s news broke on Wednesday, I absolutely went and Wikipedia’d my current main man, Dexter (aka, Michael C. Hall) to verify that he isn’t gay.  (fortunately, he has played a gay man in the past on TV and on Broadway, but having been married twice – to women – I think I can confirm that he’s safe for me to lust after. phewf.)

I confess… I miss Dexter.  Last night was the first night in over a week that I haven’t spent any time with him.  And unfortunately, I don’t see much time for Dexter and I this weekend either.  I’m going to have to figure something out, I can’t go that long without my sexy Dexy serial killer!!!

I confess… I’ve been proud of myself this week in my “battle with food”.  I’ve managed to keep it pretty healthy all week long, even when the opportunity to eat out has presented itself.  I’ve steered clear of french fries, opting for salads instead, and that has been a struggle for me in recent weeks.  I feel like I’m finally getting back on track with my healthy eating habits, and it feels good.

I confess… my yearning for fall hasn’t diminished at all since posting about it the other day.  Thankfully, our office is a freezing meat locker, so despite it being 30+ degrees this week, I’ve been able to enjoy one of my favourite “tastes of fall” with mugs of hot Chai tea each morning.  Mmmm!

I confess… that I’ve got a busy & full weekend on deck, and I’m so looking forward to spending time with friends, getting my hair done, and a long-overdue movie date with my niece & nephew.  This is what weekends are all about!

I confess… that even though I’m longing for fall, it seems kind of surreal that next weekend is Shawville Fair time already.  Has it really been a year already?!?  Where does the time go??

I confess… that it’s on days like this that I’m extremely proud of my community and happy to live in such a wonderful little town.  In July, my friend Sarah’s brother lost his arm in a freak accident on the new Quyon Ferry. Tonight, we will gather to show support to him & his family, as his colleagues have organized a benefit party for him, and it’s going to be a big one.  I’ve learned first-hand how it feels to have the people in this town rally around me during hard times, and I’m so glad we are able to do the same for Harold and his family now.  I truly believe in my heart that this is one of the best little places to live in the world, and I’m so proud to call it my home!!

Have a wonderful weekend, all!! :)

WWTKW: The strange thing in my drawer, The Amazing Race, and more…

So.  I promised you guys I’d take a picture of my salad last night.  But I forgot.  I did eat one though.  I was just so stressed out at the time that I forgot to snap the pic. 

See, I went for my first oil change at the dealership where I bought my car, and afterwards when they brought my car back to me, my mom – or, as I like to call her, “Ol’ Hawkeye” - noticed I had a broken tail light.  Even the guys that had worked on my car claimed to have not noticed it. At first, I was allll ready to blame them for it, until I remembered I had kinda backed into my recycling bin a week or so ago.  At the time, I checked my car for scratches and saw no damage, but I hadn’t noticed the tail light.  Son of a BIZZNITCH.  $300+ to repair it, and another trip to Kanata in my near future because of it.  Just when I start to think I’m getting my head above water with budgeting money, life throws me another curve ball. arrrrghhhhh!!!!  Damn you, Life.  Damn you!!!!!

So yeah.  I forgot to take a picture of my salad.  But I had the Grilled Peach & Chicken Salad at Kelsey’s, and it was really yummy, and you’ll just have to take my word for it.  I’ve discovered I have a deep passionate love for goat cheese, which this salad featured.  It was just about the only good thing about the whole frigging evening.

Anyways.  I’m pretty sure nobody actually cares about my salad or my car or my new-found love for goat cheese.  So why not move on to a little Wednesday Q & A?

Linking up with Scriptor & Kenzie for We Want to Know Wednesday!

1. What is the weirdest thing you own?  I’m drawing a blank here, folks.  The only thing I can think of, and I don’t really own them, is a set of playing cards that I keep in the junk drawer of my kitchen that are shaped like penises. (peni?)  And they aren’t really mine.  They belonged to one of my former roommates, who so graciously offered to let me keep them when she moved out.  (*ahem*notSusie*ahem*) ;)

2. What reality show would you want to be on?  I used to love watching Reality TV – Survivor, The Bachelor/ette, Big Brother – but aside from The Voice, I’ve pretty much dropped them all in recent years.  I am, however, following the Canadian version of The Amazing Race which is airing now, and I keep thinking it might be fun.  I was pleasantly surprised to read my friend Stacy’s post this morning to see she thought I’d be a good one to do the race with!  My mom told me the other night she didn’t think anyone would want to be my partner because I have zero patience and she figured I’d have too many meltdowns.  haha!  So there, Ma!!  I can actually see Stacy & I having a lot of fun doing The Amazing Race together.  I’m not sure how far we would get, but anytime we go on an adventure together, we always have lots of laughs and usually a few stories to tell – plus, she’s the friend I’ve had the longest, so we know each other really well.  I think we’d know what to expect from one another!  Stace – we should totally sign up!! ;)

3. When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up?  In the video we did in Grade 1, when asked what I want to be when I grew up, I said a doctor.  A DOCTOR.  Every time I see it, I’m all like, “Say whaaaaa?”  I don’t ever remember wanting to be a doctor, or even a nurse for that matter.  I have no idea what possessed me that day.  I do recall thinking I’d like to be a teacher for a while.  Then somewhere along the way I found a love for writing, so then I wanted to be an author.  And I guess I still do.  Someday…

4. What do you wish people knew about you without you having to tell them?  I guess I’d have to say that I get easily stressed out, anxious, wound up…over the littlest things.  (Like an oil change.  And a subsequent broken tail light).  Most people who know me are already well aware of that, but sometimes I have to remind them.

5. What is something you've always wanted to do but are afraid of?  A few things come to mind… Bungee jumping, getting a tattoo… I don’t think the bungee jumping will ever happen, but I still sometimes think about that tattoo.  Again… maybe someday…

Happy Wednesday, pals. :)

The Tuesday Random

How about getting a little random today? 

Here’s what’s floating through your ol’ pal Jill’s brain this morning…

• Remember last week when I vowed to be more careful with food, and felt “absolutely positive” that I could carry that vow through the weekend?  Well… Epic fail.  Dillon’s birthday party snacks were delicious, and all of my promises to myself to steer clear of them evaporated moments after I walked through the door.  When it became clear that my resolve to stay away from the food was faltering as I drifted closer and closer to the snacks on the island, my Aunt Nora helpfully suggested, “Try out the hummus & veggies, it’s Uncle Elson’s recipe and it’s filled with good stuff for you!”  And I was all like, “Mmm, yum, you’re right, so good!  But here beside it, there’s some jumbo shrimp… and some cheeses and cured meats and crackers… and oh hey, have you tried this Buffalo Chicken Dip?!” *scarf*scarf*scarf*
• My willpower sucks.  BIG time.
• The good news: I’ve been behaving ever since that food meltdown.  Another test tonight, though, as I’m taking my car to Kanata for an oil change, and there’s a plethora of my favourite restaurants riiiight nearby.  I’m having a salad.  I’ll take a picture to prove it.  No french fries!!!!

• Despite the food slip-ups, I’ve been feeling really, really good during my jogs these past few days.   Saturday morning, I ran the longest I ever have, and last night I increased my time and distance again.  I have to twist my own arm to get out there and do it, but I get such a rush during and afterwards… it feels SO good!

• For the past few days, I’ve noticed I have a new little woodland friend hanging out around my house… a big, grey bunny rabbit!  I’ve noticed him several times, just hanging out in my yard, munching on the grass.  He keeps catching me by surprise.  Where has he come from?   I mean, stray cats, the odd dog that wanders over – I’ve come to expect them.  But a bunny?!  I don’t know, but he sure is cute!
• Dexter and I have reached that point in our relationship.  That point where I want to stay home with him all day.  That point where I have to psych myself up to do other things than just sit and watch him.  *sigh*  SUCH a good show.

• I’m totally depressed, though, that these seasons of Dexter all seem to be only 12 episodes long, and that the current season airing is supposedly the final one.  It means that, even though I’m only on Season 2, there is already an end in sight. WHY can’t my TV loves just go on FOREVER?!?!
• I have this slowly-unfurling desire for fall that has started to spread out deep within me.  Strange, since normally I dread the end of summer. I’ve always really loved fall, but getting over that “back-to-school, end-of-summer” hump has never been my favourite time of year… Normally, these few weeks leaving me feeling a little queasy and unpleasantly anxious.  So you can imagine my surprise when lately, all I can think about is hoodies & scarves & leggings, hot cups of Chai tea, being curled up in my cozy quilt with a good book, the beautiful changing colours of the leaves, going for jogs in crisp, cool evening air.  I want to try making my own applesauce.  I want to switch the scent in my Scensty warmer to “Pumpkin Roll”.  I want to dig out my fall decorations.  I want the smell of chili or spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove.  I keep thinking of the scary movies I want to watch leading up to Halloween.  I’m craving fall.

• Seriously.  We’re in the middle of a heat wave – one of the very few this summer has offered up – and I’m wishing it away?!  What the hell is wrong with me??
• I’m trying so desperately not to think about it.  I’m trying to stay “in the moment”, and soak up these last few weeks of summertime.  I’m trying to get excited about the final chances to BBQ and wear shorts & tanks and eat popsicles and corn on the cob and go swimming and sweat hard.  I know I’ll miss it all when it’s gone.  Yet, I can’t seem to stop my mind from drifting to fall…
• When I do look back on the Summer of 2013, I know one thing that I will remember… and that is Robin Thicke.  My summer song has been “Blurred Lines” right from the very beginning, and I realized yesterday morning when it came on the radio and I started dancing around right away that I’m still not sick of it. 

• Speaking of which… I’m also still not sick of my Dallas Smith CD, either, apparently.  Been listening to it in the car to prep for his performance at Shawville Fair next weekend, and I so can’t wait to see him live again!

• Last but not least of the random in my head this morning… I’m aware that I still haven’t written my farewell to Alfie.  But it appears I’m not the only one who isn’t ready to let go just yet.  Word on the street is our former captain took part in an informal skate at the Sensplex yesterday, and was on the ice in his Sens practice gear.  It hurt my heart to see the pictures.  I think I’m still waiting for someone to say, “Whoa!  Hold up!!!  All just a big mistake.  He’s coming back, guys!  Don’t worry!!”  It could still happen… right???

*sigh*

Have a great day, friends :)

Friday… Time to confess.

Oh, hello, Friday.  I’ve been so looking forward to you!

I’ve got a pretty low-key weekend on deck, and I simply can’t wait for going-home-time so that it can commence!

But first… Time to confess…

Linking up with Aubrey @ High-Heeled Love!

I confess…that I already feel better about getting myself back on track with food after writing yesterday’s post.  I’ve learned over the years that if something is bothering me, it usually feels better after I’ve written it down.  I had a good day with food yesterday – and I’m confident I can carry that through into the weekend.

I confess… that weekends are always more difficult to eat clean & healthy, but with this new resolve, I’m absolutely positive I can make it through unscathed by the junk-food demons!

I confess… that my main hurdle this week will be a little boy’s birthday party!  My cousin Dillon turned 2 yesterday, so we’ll be joining his big birthday celebration on Saturday.  Birthday parties = party food… one of my biggest nemesis.  But my goal is to just be conscious of it and watch my portions.  I’ve let that get away from me a bit in the past month; it’s time to focus on it again.

I confess… the Baby Fever is burning up again after I got to snuggle with sweet little Baby Ryder last night!  My sister-in-law Amanda’s twin, Steph, and her hubby, Troy, welcomed their first child the day before my birthday, and I was so excited to finally meet him last night!  He’s one blond-haired little cutie!  Someone… get me a baby, STAT!!!!

I confess… that I was also happy to hang out with my adorable niece Nevie and see all of her new tricks.  Blowing big juicy kisses and snapping her fingers while she dances are my current faves. ;)  I also love that she woofs at her new baby cousin, while her mommy explains, “He’s a baby, not a puppy.”

I confess… that I might have a problem.  And that problem is falling in love with TV criminals.  First it was Michael and Lincoln from Prison Break; now it’s Dexter.  I’ve told a few people now that I kind of love Dexter, and the standard question has been, “Isn’t he a serial killer?”  To which I reply, “Yes, but he’s a GOOD serial killer.”  Ah, how I adore my lovable criminals…

I confess… that you know you’re old whennnn… the reason you’re looking forward to Friday night is because you know you’ve got Season 2 of Dexter waiting for you when you get home, and you plan on spending alllll night with him.

I confess… that when I saw a few friends posting their favourite Elvis songs on Facebook this morning in honour of the 36th anniversary of his death, I had to stop and think of what my favourite Elvis song is.  And I honestly don’t think I can pick just one.  There are just too many to choose from, and at different times in my life, I’ve had different answers - “All Shook Up”, “Suspicious Minds”, “If I Can Dream”, “Burning Love”, “Can’t Help Falling In Love”, “Little Sister”, “Promised Land”, “Heartbreak Hotel”, “Blue Suede Shoes”… I think I’ve called each of them my favourite at some point in time.  But this morning, this is the one that jumped out at me… I’m not sure it’s the song so much as the sexiness that he oozes in this performance from the ‘68 Comeback Special, but… well, let’s just say watching this started my morning off right!

Happy Friday, friends!  Have a GREAT weekend! :)

The fear that lives within me…

Up to this point in my “weight loss journey”, 99% of my posts relating to the subject have been super-ultra-positive.  All “rah-rah-sis-boom-bah” stuff.  I had a goal, I worked hard, I reached it, and for most of the past 8 months, I feel like I’ve been walkin’ on sunshine.

But it’s time to get real, folks.

It’s time to peel back a little bit of the shiny veneer, and expose the dark little fear that has lived inside of me and has grown bigger with each new weight loss goal that I have reached…

I’m terrified of going backwards.  I’m terrified of losing my mo-jo.  I’m terrified of reverting back to my old ways.  I’m terrified of being that 200+ lbs. girl again.

I’m terrified of losing everything I’ve worked so hard for.

Needless to say, the last few weeks haven’t exactly been stellar.

I went on vacation in late July, and kicked it off with my 30th birthday celebrations.  I remained mindful of what I was eating, but for a whole week, I “treated” myself a little more than I have been since January 7th.  And for one whole week, I didn’t really even bother with the calorie-counting.

And it’s been a struggle to get back on track ever since.

I knew this would happen.  I knew this day would come.

Because this isn’t the first time I’ve done this.  I have failed miserably at this weight loss game before, and while this time I’ve come further and feel stronger than ever before, it’s always niggling at the back of my mind how quickly it can all get messed up.  A little slip-up here, a little oopsie-daisy there…

Oh, how quickly I can stumble and fall!

My only saving grace this time?  I have managed to keep up with my work-outs and jogging.  I’ve stuck to my 5-day schedule (4 days of jogging and/or TurboFire, 1 day of Yoga) – I’ve had to juggle my rest days to make it work, but I HAVE made it work.

So at least there’s that.

The problem – as has always been my problem – is the food addiction.

After a week of not holding back and enjoying indulgences, that love of junk food has crept back into my soul, and I find myself craving it again.  And looking forward to the next dinner out.

At home, I’ve been mostly good.  I still don’t buy chips & dip (Jill’s #1 Weakness, as we all know), and I’ve kept my groceries to the same healthy, clean foods that have become favourites of mine over the past 8 months.

It’s the restaurants and party foods that lure me and taunt me and beg me to love them again…

I’ve still had some really good days.  But I’ve also had some really bad days.  I haven’t lost a pound since pre-30th-birthday.  Not that that’s a big deal – I’ve been saying ever since I hit the 50 lbs. lost mark that I’m OK being here for a little while.

It’s the fear that the pounds are going to start creeping back on the less careful I am that has gripped me the past few days and caused me to deeply worry about myself.

That’s the fear that has me feeling just a little bit panicky right now.

I don’t want to be afraid of “falling off the wagon”.  I keep saying there IS no wagon to fall off – this is really and truly a lifestyle change this time!!!  - yet I see the sturdy, steadfast resolve that I had just a few short weeks ago starting to crack a little.

I’ve had more alcoholic beverages in the past month than I had in the previous seven months combined.  I hovered over a bowl of Ruffle chips and onion dip last weekend at a party as though my life depended on them.  Appetizers and desserts have started re-appearing before me when I eat out.  Remember that old vow to “learn to love salad”?  … let’s just say, the French Fry has been winning out far more often recently.  And last night, I had not one but two chocolate fudge cupcakes – one of which I had earlier dropped on the ground.

Yikes.

It’s time to get back in the saddle.  I’ve been able to stave off any major damage by keeping up with my work-outs and my daily Shake, but I know that it’s a slippery slope I’ve started down.  If I keep eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and the pounds start creeping back on, then I’ll get frustrated and quit working out too.  That spells DOOM for me.

I don’t even want to GO there.

But I’ve been there before.  I know how easily I can lose focus, how quickly I can be swayed back to my old ways.

I’m making the promise to myself, here and now, to be better going forward.

That doesn’t mean I can’t still have the odd treat.  But I need to start spacing them out more, like I was before.  And I need to get that firm resolve back.

Salads instead of greasy fries.  Fruit instead of cookies and ice cream.  Chips & dip?? Who needs ‘em!!!

I was bound to hit a rough patch somewhere along the way.  But now, it’s how I deal with it that will be the true test of character.  It’s time to re-visit all the things that helped me be successful in this endeavour, and make sure I start following them to a “T” again.

I don’t want to go back.  I want to go forward.

Another challenge that I’m ready to face.

Bring it.

WWTKW: This or That

Happy Wednesday, friends!

I’ve had ideas brewing for posts all week, but it’s just been another busy one without much time… I’m breaking for a few minutes this morning, though, for a quick We Want to Know Wednesday post!

Linking up with Scriptor & Kenzie for today’s “This or That” questions :)

1.) Water or coffee/tea/soda?

Jill’s drink of choice is – and always has been – water.  Because of a milk allergy that I had as a child, I was always more of a water drinker.  Don’t get me wrong, I love a cup of coffee in the morning, a cup of tea in the evening, and a Diet Pepsi on the odd occasion.  But nice cold plain ol’ water has always been my #1, and now with my “healthy living ways”, I drink gallons of it every day.

2.) Beach or Mountains?  Beach, beach, beach.  One of my favourite places to be.  I love being by the water.  Nothing I enjoy more than having my toes in the sand, the smell of sunscreen on my skin, and a good book in my hands!

3.) TV or a book?  That’s a toughie… I actually don’t watch much regular TV anymore, due to my on-going issues with a malfunctioning satellite dish cord.  But I do usually have a TV series on DVD on the go.  (Currently, it’s Dexter.)  That being said, there’s nothing quite like a good book.  It’s really a toss-up for me… I’ll go with TV, but I can’t live without my books either.

4.) Lots of activity or quiet getaway?  I’ll say “quiet getaway”, but if I’m away on a trip or on vacation, I’d have to say I like a mix!  Some days of quiet relaxation, others of adventuring & sight-seeing & activity.  My week at the Draper camp a few weeks ago was a good example of that mix.  At times, I enjoyed quiet reading time; other times, I was playing with the kids, kayaking, swimming, paddleboating…

5.) Comedy or drama?  Wow, some of these are tough to choose!  Depends on my mood.  I like both, depending on how the spirit moves me.  Sometimes I purposely go for comedy, other times I have my heart set on drama.  But overall – I’d say I more often choose comedies, I guess… cheesy romantic comedies are a guilty pleasure of mine!