Tuesday, March 06, 2012

I ripped the dress. But not because of fatness. It was because of my stupid brother.

In the past six months, you guys have had to hear an awful lot about me trying to lose weight in order to fit into bridesmaid dresses.

And I realized just now that I never followed up on Dress #1.  The one I had to squeeze my butt into for my brother’s wedding on February 11, 2012.

Oh, yes.  That’s right.  There’s a story to tell.

As you may recall, I faced the fiery little dragon and lived to tell about it.  She turned out to be a miracle worker that managed to get me into that dress.  Well… at least, a month in advance, I got into it.  And figured I was good to go.

But then everything happened with my dad.  

My dieting and weight loss goals kind of flew out the window.  For the month leading up to my dad’s passing and Luke & Amanda’s  wedding, I was stress-eating.  A lot.

And so, on the day of the wedding, having not tried on the dress again since that day at the store, I wasn’t 100% sure it was going to fit.

Talk about a sigh of relief when it did.


Life was stressful enough right about then.  I didn’t need to add any ‘dress drama’ to the occasion.

Thankfully, Luke & Amanda’s big day was just about perfect, all things considered.

Photos courtesy of the lovely Leslie at Lestanto Photography

And I think Steph and I looked pretty rad in our BM dresses, too.

With Sherri-Lynn and Steph

With Britt & Cowan

But of course, despite my best efforts, I had dress issues regardless.  It wouldn’t have been right, I suppose, had I escaped completely unscathed, after all that worrying and fretting and busting my ass to fit into it.

Something had to happen to my dress.

The good news is that it wasn’t because of my fatness.

Oh no.  I had another culprit to blame.

You see, brother dearest was a little miffed at the fact that I teased him (just a little…hardly at ALL!) in my speech at the dinner.  And so, he faced off with me on the dance floor later that night.

He pretended to kick me.

So I tried to faux-kick him back.

And that’s when the dress ripped.

Riiiiiight up the back.

I heard it.  I felt it.  My jaw dropped, and I grabbed at the rear of my dress. It was bad, I could tell.   And I instantly started scrambling around, trying to find someone who could help me before my butt fell out completely.

My sister was the first one I found as I tried to back off the dance floor without anyone noticing. 

“Kara.  I ripped my dress.  I have to go home.  I swear to God, my ASS IS SHOWING!!”

(Please keep in mind that my ass would not actually have been showing.  Oh no.  I was wearing an undergarment that literally went from my knees up to my boobs.)

(Really, I’m not sure what’s worse.)

Anyways.  Sister to the rescue.  She bent down to examine the damage, and quickly reported, “Don’t worry, you can’t see anything.  The lining of the dress didn’t rip.  You’re still completely covered.  No one will even notice.”

Thank the GOOD LORD!!!!!

(My brother-in-law was horrified that I posted this picture on Facebook.  I was just relieved that I could.  This picture COULD have been much worse.)

Anyways, I just couldn’t resist sharing my butt picture with blog land.

I was thatclose to having to leave my brother’s reception early.

Thankfully, I was able to return to the fun on the dance floor without anyone finding out about the dress debacle.

HA!  Who am I kidding.  I spent the rest of the night bending over to show people just how close I was to having my butt on display.


So.  Yes.  All things considered, I would say we had a great time.

But let’s hope that I get into Dress #2 on May 12 for Lindsay & Ryan’s wedding without as much difficulty.

Resuming the diet today… :)

Linking up today’s post and the picture of my butt with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn for Talk to Us Tuesday!!  Thank goodness they have no rules.   Not sure a picture of my butt would be allowed on just any linky party…



Stacie said...

I so needed the laugh that this provided! You have got to love brothers!

Date Girl said...

Oh no!! First off that dress is gorgeous! I love the color. Second, yes it could have been so much worse! My friend was a "groomsmen" in our gay friend's wedding, and she had to wear a tux. They don't make pants for women's bums and when she got low, hers ripped right on the booty!! Not a pretty sight, haha.

Jodie said...

Haha, so funny!!! This would totally happen to me! :)

You looked gorgeous!! The color of the dress looks amazing on your skin tone!!

Nicole said...

a couple of those pics so could have been on Twilight :). And oh yeah, you dress could have been way worse

Sarah said...

haha JILL!
When I saw that slit up the back of the dress, I just thought it was part of the design of the dress, I had no idea you had ripped it until you said so.

Either way, you and steph both looked gorgeaus that night!

Connie Weiss said...

That dress is beautiful on you!

So glad your ass didn't fall out.

Shawn said...

You looked beautiful!

I had a similar thing happen at a friends wedding but the seam of the dress went up the side. I spilt that seam all the way to my waist, I kid you not. A few safety pins later I was back in action on the dance floor!

Good luck getting back on track, you can do it!

Thanks for linking up with us, we heart you!

Anonymous said...

Oh wow....thank you so much for posting this!!!! I can only imagine your horror at first, but I swear, it makes SUCH a great story now! :o) (And you looked lovely in the dress, by the way...)

Stacy Uncorked said...

First of all, love the dress - you look stunning! Your brother sounds just like mine, and I could totally see that happening to me, too. And I bet it was such a relief that your whole butt wasn't hanging out so you could stay at the reception - and show your butt around and on the interwebs...heh! You crack me up! :)

Being Warrior Cat Scourge, Diamond Candle Obsession, Wine-Opoly and Chocolate Fun

VandyJ said...

First off, I love the winter wedding photos.
Second, you looked fabulous. So glad the rip was not critical.
Got my fingers crossed for you and dress #2.

Impulsive Addict said...

Jill....you look BEAUTIFUL! I love that color on you too. BUT OMG! I can't believe your dress ripped!!! You are so lucky!!! It will be a funny memory later on too!

Thanks for linking up! I hope you're doing well. xoxo

Dollie @ Dollie Creates said...

You looked beautiful! Looks like you had a great time, atleast you will always have a fun story to tell about the wedding :)