And you know what I love about this brand new bloggy linky party? NO RULES. Just talk about whateeeever our little hearts desire.
I do realize many of you are probably very sick of hearing about The Diet, but it occupies my thoughts 98% of the day, so tough beans. We’re gonna talk about it again.
My first weigh-in was August 22, so we’re three weeks into this thing, and I’m stuck at 8 lbs. lost. In the past week, I haven’t dropped an ounce. Do you know how FRIGGING FRUSTRATING that is when I’m trying so hard to only eat healthy foods, and smaller portions?
And don’t even get me started on that damn My Fitness Pal. That’s where I obsessively track what I’m putting into my mouth every day and the exercise I do. They have established a set number of calories that I should be eating per day. So I keep eating roots and berries and dirt and water, and I plug everything in there, and you know what it tells me more often than not? That I need to start eating MORE or else my body will go into starvation mode and I won’t lose ANYTHING.
But here’s the good news: I have completely cut out night snacking. It was, by far, my biggest weakness. On my first healthy grocery stock-up trip, I bought a bag of pretzels that have sat on top of my refrigerator ever since. I bought them in case of an evening when I couldn’t.handle.it. When every part of my body was telling me to go get in my car, drive to the store, and buy a big bag of Ruffles and a container of dill pickle dip.
Seriously. Just drooled.
But not only have I not done that, I also haven’t even touched the pretzels. Mainly because I haven’t had the urge to. I’ve been keeping myself busy in the evenings, warding off the couch-potato-syndrome. I’ve been playing the Wii Fit and going for walks and doing things around the house. OH, and getting lunch ready for the next day. That’s a bigger chore than it used to be. Now I have to chop veggies and fruit and get it all packed up ahead of time. I’m no longer grabbing last-minute junk as I fly out the door in the morning.
Another reason for not touching the pretzels? Fear. I’m afraid if I crack into that bag, I’ll eat the whole thing, and I’ll be reminded of the salty goodness of my night time snacks. I’m afraid simply the sound of that crackly bag in my hands will trigger that “I NEED CHIPS” voice in my head. I’m afraid I will fall victim once again to the chip-and-dip cycle.
(For those not familiar with the chip-and-dip cycle: I buy a bag of chips and a container of dip. But the chips run out before the dip, so I buy more chips to finish off the dip. Then I need to get more dip to go with the surplus of chips. And so on and so on. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle.)
OKAY. Enough diet negativity, right? There have been good things. Despite the fact that I haven’t been thrilled with the number of pounds lost, I’m feeling better in my clothes. Pants aren’t so tight anymore. My ring spins more easily on my finger. I’ve got a long way to go with the ol’ spare tire, but I think maybe – maybe??? – it’s getting smaller. And a few people have told me they’re starting to see it in my face. They may be lying. But it feels good to hear it.
I know it might be hard to tell, but that’s not really me…
Also, it’s taking less to feel satisfied when I eat, and I’m being very aware of stopping before I feel “full”. Sunday night at my brother’s birthday dinner, I threw caution to the wind and indulged in a cheeseburger, Caesar salad, guac and chips, and a piece of chocolate cake with ice cream. It was the first time I’d felt seriously uncomfortably full (a feeling I used to be quite familiar with and considered normal) in weeks – and I didn’t like it. I recognize that now.
And…AND…the feeling of empowerment. This is the feeling I’ve been trying to get ever since I lost weight the last time. The feeling that I was afraid I’d never get back. That I was too far-gone into the world of sloth and laziness and food addiction to ever recover. Turns out, after a few weeks of healthy, calorie-conscious eating and more exercise, it starts to come sneaking back. That sense of, “Hey. I can do this. Look at me go.”
It’s a way-of-living thing. Finding healthy foods that I like (like baked sweet potato fries), so that I don’t crave the crap so much. Sure, there are still cravings; yearnings for a Big Mac or a poutine from Mae’s or those pancakes that I just can’t get outta my head… But every day that I make it through without succumbing, I consider a victory.
One step closer to being a healthier me.
I’m working on it.
I promise, I’m going to try to stop writing about The Diet every second day. But thanks to Impulsive Addict and Shawn for giving me the opportunity today. Have something you want to get off your chest? A funny story to share? A deep dark secret you must confess? Go visit them and LINK UP!!!!