The Single Girl Files: The Flirt Face

Here we go. The first real installment of The Single Girl Files!!

As mentioned in my introduction to The Single Girl Files, I'm 27 years old, and have been perpetually single throughout my teen and adult years. While I'd like to blame the dudes, my town, the limited social scene in my area, the world, for my lonely "just me" existence (and in future installments, I WILL blame them, you can count on that), I think it's probably best to start off by facing the cold hard truth.

A big part of why I'm single is because...well, because of me.

Just ask my friends and family, they'll tell you. I'm not very brave. I'm not all that confident. I'm a little on the picky side. And I don't like to venture too far out of my comfort zone.

And when I finally do zone in on a guy I'd like to get to know? That's when I have the biggest problem of all.

I don't know how to flirt.

I didn't realize how bad I was at flirting, though, until my skills were put under a microscope quite a few years ago. We're going back about eight years now, to the big white beer tent at Shawville fair...

See, there was this guy. We'll call him Mr. Tall Dark n' Handsome. He was one of the guys who often came across the river to Gavan's, and I got to know him pretty well. He was fun. He was friendly. He was what I considered to be "outta my league", but he was always nice to me. And you know where handsome dudes that are nice to me end up?

Wayyyyyy up high on a pedestal.

He was one of those "serious" crushes. I got totally hung up on him. But he had clearly placed me in the "just friends" category. Sure, he'd talk to me, dance with me, tell me funny stories - but I just knew he wasn't interested in me in any other way than friendship.

I was lamenting about this to my friends Sara and Stacy at the fair, while I stood on tip-toe trying to catch glimpses of his ball cap as he made his way through the crowd in the beer tent.

"Maybe he doesn't know how you feel about him? Maybe you need to do something to let him know you like him as more than a friend?", they suggested.

I told them that I flirted with him all.the.time. That he'd have to be blind not to see how I felt about him.

"Maybe you're doing it wrong? Maybe you need to work on your flirting?" As soon as Mr. TDnH made his way through the crowd and wasn't far from where we were standing, they insisted I go talk to him and try to flirt it up so that they could observe me and see what I was doing wrong.

I sighed. Rolled my eyes. And headed towards him.

I remember very consciously trying to ramp up the flirtyness. I tried to stand as close to him as possible. I tried to hang on his every word as he told me some story. (I don't even remember what he was talking about now). I tried to act like I really cared about what he was saying, looking up at him as though his words were gold to me.

He eventually took off to get another drink. (He may have even offered to get me one, which I probably declined. Another of my fatal flaws. Dude says, "Want a drink?" I almost always say no. Why? Why am I so dense about this stuff??)

I returned to Sara and Stacy, a few feet away, and found them doubled over, laughing.

"Definitely doing it wrong!" was their verdict.

"What?! I'm not flirting right?"

"Well...you kind of make this face," they said. "Like, your lip goes up like Elvis, and you look really confused or something." They told me this through gasps of laughter and giggles. Apparently it was not an attractive face.

I tried to tell them it was whatever he was telling me, it must have been a slightly confusing story or something. I was trying so hard to express that I cared about what he was saying.

Obviously all I did was look like a goof.

My friends still bring up The Flirt Face from time to time. Especially when I'm complaining about my boy du jour not paying attention to me, not realizing how much I like him. I can almost bet that Stacy or Sara will ask, "Well...did you make The Flirt Face? Maybe that's why he doesn't seem interested?"

While I'd really rather not have any photo evidence of The Flirt Face, the girls thought this blog wouldn't be complete without a picture of it. A few weeks ago I was telling them about my The Single Girl Files idea and how I thought The Flirt Face would be a perfect story to tell, so they insisted I make the face while Lindsay photographed me. After a few attempts that they said didn't quite look like The Face, one of them suggested I look up, as I was doing that night with Mr. TDnH. Sure enough, that did it.

So here, without further ado, is a big reason why I'm still single:


*sigh* God help me.