In an attempt to stop myself from writing yet another blog post that revolved around that event that’s coming up on Monday night, I decided today to write about the OTHER thing that is occupying all of my attention these days.
And that is “Healthy November” and trying to get myself back on a clean-eating path.
For three weeks, I was good. I was strong. I ate what was on my meal plan, and I was not swayed. My treats were planned. The number on the scales dropped. All was well in the Healthy Land of Jill.
But I’m now in Week 4, and suddenly, faithfully, my old foe has returned.
The Craving Monster.
It started over the weekend. Sunday evening, actually. I wasn’t even hungry when all of a sudden I started thinking about mozzarella sticks with garlic dip. And not just any mozzarella sticks with garlic dip – the kind we used to serve at the restaurant I worked at as a teen. I swear to God, my mouth was watering just thinking about them. I suppose my saving grace is that the restaurant closed years ago, because if it was still located just down the street, I probably would have walked down and ordered some. At 7:30 PM on a Sunday night.
The following day, I was heading to Renfrew after work to do some shopping for a few last-minute things I needed before the event that’s coming up on Monday night, and I knew I’d stop for a bite to eat at some point. I spent all day thinking about what it should be. I wasn’t scheduled for a splurge, but for some reason, all I could think about was chicken fingers and fries. Chicken fingers and fries, chicken fingers and fries, chicken fingers and fries. I put the brakes on that, though, and forced myself to have a sandwich at Tim Horton’s. I settled instead for a Boston Creme donut and hot chocolate to satisfy my “I NEED A TREAT” thoughts. (Which, by the way, might have been worse than just getting the chicken fingers and fries, according to My Fitness Pal. ugh.)
Most of my shopping that evening was done at Walmart. And for me, Walmart is the devil. Why? Because of the lingering scent of McDonald’s that permeates the air in every single inch of the store. McDonald’s is one of my biggest weaknesses. So big, in fact, that I have not eaten there in almost two years. I keep telling myself I’ll have a Big Mac someday, but I’m so afraid that if I get a taste of it again, I’ll be back to treating myself to a Big Mac every time I’m in the vicinity of a McDonald’s. And though I don’t live near one, that can still be often. I mean, I used to literally fabricate reasons to go to Aylmer just so I could have McDonald’s. I drool just thinking about it.
Needless to say, visions of Big Macs and McD’s french fries have danced in my head ever since.
The doors have been opened. The cravings are waltzing in left, right and centre. In the past four days, I have fantasized about pancakes with corn syrup, big luscious poutines (also still haven’t had one of them in almost two years), cheese burgers of all makes, shapes, and sizes. Not to mention my freezer is chock-full of Christmas baking, which, if I stop and listen closely, actually whispers my name.
The Cranberry Bliss bars are especially insistent. “Jillian. Oh, Jillian. We’re here and waiting to be eaten. Come get us!!”
My head is a sick, sick place, I tell you.
The really sad part is that the holiday season hasn’t even really hit yet. There are so many treats and indulgences that come with the month of December, and it’s just around the corner. I had three solid weeks of healthiness in November, but that’s not enough. I can’t enter into Christmastime and just lose control.
I have to shake these cravings that are threatening my success. I’m hoping that maybe they are stress-related, with that event that’s coming up on Monday (even though I’m not really feeling stressed…)
I need to hang tough. Get through this. Stay mindful and hold firm.
The life of a food addict isn’t easy, friends.