I did it.
I. frigging. DID.IT.
I have officially hit The Magic Number.
(!!!!!!!!this is me tooting my own horn!!!!!!!!)
And I have to say, it feels totally, completely… surreal.
Was it really just last week that I declared it “Healthy November” in the hopes that maybe – just maybe – I would be able to hit The Magic Number before the Christmas season began?
I seriously didn’t think it was a goal that I would reach within a week and a half. But man, does it ever feel good to finally BE here!!
Ten months ago, “being here” was just a dream. A long-term, far-off, maybe-someday goal. I stayed focused on smaller, more doable goals first. And each time I reached one of those smaller goals, I started thinking more and more about the BIG goal.
I remember thinking towards the end of the summer, “Well… it’s only 10 lbs. away now. Might as well go for it, right?” At that point, I had already accomplished almost everything I had hoped to when I set out on this weight-loss and self-improvement journey last January, so it seemed foolish not to at least try to dig a little deeper and reach for the stars just one more time.
You would think by this point, I would be confident. It was only another 10 lbs. But truly, I wasn’t. I wasn’t confident at all. Any time I mentioned this goal of going for The Magic Number, I would tack on, “…if I ever get there”, or “…if it ever happens”. I really didn’t know if I could do it or not.
My mom asked me last week, as I inched closer and closer, when I last would have been at this weight. And I really don’t know that answer. Early teen years? Maybe Grade 7 or 8? I was always a bigger girl, but during my teen years, my weight grew steadily, to the point that stepping on the scales was something I dreaded. So I never did it. I rarely weighed myself.
I honestly have no idea when I last might have been at this weight, but safe to say it was a long, long time ago. About eight or nine years ago, I lost a pile of weight (mostly through dieting), but even then, I never got down to this.
So, as you can imagine, the fact that I am finally here … well, it’s kind of a miracle. And I just can’t seem to wipe the goofy grin off my face!
It’s been a ride, this past year. I’ve done things this year that I seriously doubted I’d ever be able to do. I’ve made myself proud. I feeling like I’ve really changed, and all for the better.
I’m all kinds of happy right now. :)
And do you know what the best part is? Despite what this post is about? The further I’ve come, I’ve realized how the numbers really aren’t so important anymore.
Even though I was giddy to see that Magic Number surpassed this morning, I can honestly say I’m no longer stressing about numbers at all. It’s not really about that number on the scales or the measurement of my waist/hips/chest/thighs anymore.
It’s about the confidence I’ve gained. The fact that I can put on a pair of leggings and feel comfortable wearing them in public. That I no longer walk around a clothing store and fill my cart with extra-larges because I just can’t believe I fit into a size smaller. The fact that I no longer try to hide my “spare tire” beneath an over-sized sweater.
It’s about the fact that I can now look in a mirror and smile and be happy instead of disappointed and self-conscious.
This is all new to me. So totally, completely new.
This might sound like bragging, but I really hope it doesn’t, because that’s not what I’m trying to do, nor am I trying to make anyone feel bad about themselves. I’m far from perfect. There are still many flaws; still many areas to work on. I’m not “done”. The goals may have changed and have been re-focused now, but I don’t think this is something that will ever really be over.
But I am happy right now. In this moment, I am so happy.
And I know I sound like a broken record here, but… I just can’t wait to see what comes next. :)