Thursday, August 16, 2012

Workin’ on it.

Do you guys know why I love blogging?

It’s because when I tell you I’m having a crap day, you’re all so nice to me.  And you tell me I’m beautiful.  Thank you for that… You actually really did make me feel better yesterday.  Love you all!!

Today’s better.  And I think I can chalk that up to taking my frustrations out last night on my lawn – also known as my weed jungle.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had to cut grass.  The drought and subsequent water ban this summer pretty much fried every lawn in town, which I loved because it meant no grass cutting & no allergies.  Literally, I think the last time the lawn mower was out was the week before Canada Day.

That was in late JUNE.

Really, about 85% of the lawn still didn’t need to be cut last night.  But the weeds?  The weeds were bad.  They were big and they were bad.  I had no choice but to venture out and attack them.  It was wild out there.  I had to drive over some of them multiple times to take them down.

I’m all stuffed up today for it, but the allergies are worth it to see my lawn looking somewhat non-jungle-ish again.

I hope I don’t have to cut grass again til September.

I also went for a long walk last night.  That helped too.  One of the keys to my current “lose weight project” is to make sure I do something active every day.  I was afraid this paining heel problem I have would hinder that plan, but my doctor told me the other day that what I have is a heel spur, and there’s really not much I can do about it.  Not even losing weight will help, he says.  (He’s really not the most motivational when it comes to getting me to drop pounds, unfortunately!)  I could get cortisone shots or an anti-inflammatory prescription, but he said if I could withstand the pain, and try things like heel supports in shoes and junk like that instead, I’d be better off.  He claims it could take a long time, but eventually it should just go away.

So.  No need to call off the exercising.  Phewf.  (I think.)

I know I’ve only been on this current “project” for three days, but I’m already noticing how much better I’m feeling about myself (yesterday’s crank fest notwithstanding).  I know it’s probably mostly in my head, but I think I *may* already be getting skinnier.  My walks at night keep getting a little bit longer, and I feel like I’m starting to get back on track.

I knew I’d feel this way, if I could just get my act together.  I hope I’m able to keep it up.  Falling off the wagon is just so damned easy to do…

Once again, I’ve substituted my evening chip & dip fest with a cup of tea.  I threw out all the half-opened bags that were lying around tempting me.  And of course, that bag of Skor Minis was demolished on Night #1, so they aren’t a problem anymore…

I still need to work on portion control.  But I can already feel it all coming back to me.  The MyFitnessPal entries each day.  The short walks at noon.  The cups of tea in place of snacks.  The lighter lunches.  Drinking water like it’s going outta style.  The longer walks at night.

I’m getting there.

Part of my mission also involves my dad. 

I had been doing very well with my weight loss prior to him being admitted to the hospital in January.  But then, when everything went wrong, I fell off the wagon hard.  It started with us leaving the hospital after long, stressful days and deciding to stop at a restaurant for supper.  I gave myself a free pass because life was sucking big-time.  I consoled with cheese burgers and poutines.

After he passed away, I sort of gave everyone the “I don’t give a crap anymore” spiel.  I was eating in an attempt to make myself feel better.  Stress eating.  Self-soothing eating.

I still have a very strong inclination to keep doing so.  The one thing that has lingered in my mind is that if there was one person who would be mad at me for doing such a thing, it would be Dad.  He could be one of my biggest critics when it came to my weight.  But he was also one of my biggest cheerleaders when I was dropping it.

He’d be really really pissed at me for using him as an excuse.

So…that’s over.  Time to move on from that.  No more excuses.  No more “I just don’t care” speeches.

Will I be successful?  Only time will tell.

But I’m workin’ on it.  And that’s a good first step.


Nicole said...

Yey Jill! :). I'll root for you if you promise to root for me!!

Ok so I'm not sure if this would help you or not... but Janna posted a blog post today about power over food basically.... you might check it out if you have time.
and if not, oh well no harm no fowl :)

Stacy said...

Well Jill...Ricky is starting to do something regarding his weight too - we are trying to drink less pepsi - i bought lemons to add to my water to drink more...once it gets cooler, he will go out walking more but i see his frustrations, especially at night time - thats what the dietitian told him - drop the pepsi and night time snacking

keep up the good work

Stacie said...

I know you can do it, I don't have any doubts!

And on a side note, if my husband reads this and realizes that you haven't had to cut your grass since June, he will be ready to move to Canada faster than you can say Jesse Palmer.

Jo said...

Just keep at it and don't give up when you fall of the wagon. It's a journey not a race.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

But I know how hard it can be. Hang in there! You can do it!

Nancy said...

You definitely know what to do, Jillian, exercise and portion control. Once you get into the groove its easier. As you start to drop the pounds you get more motivated. Ha, ha, the title of this weeks's sermon is You Are What You Eat. And I am guilty because I had a small fries at Mae's on Wednesday!!!But, I don't beat myself us, just go back to my regular way of eating and I did a lot of walking today.

I think your Dad would also not want you agonizing over your weight so much and focusing on being healthy more, which you are doing by walking. You can and will do it!

Lily Anne said...

Thinking of you!