I had a plan for today’s blog post. I was going to tell you all about how I’ve made peace with the other Jillian.
Yes. Jillian Michaels. Ol’ bitchface herself. (really. She and I are OK now, believe it or not)
But I didn’t get that post written when I was in the right frame of mind. And instead, now all I can think about are Ketchup Chips.
I’d give my right arm for a gaddamn Ketchup Chip right now!!!!!!
*sigh* I knew this would happen. I just knew it.
At the beginning of The Six-Week Plan, I was all “rah-rah-sis-boom-bah I’m gonna do this and it’s gonna be awesome and I am a freakin’ ROCKSTAR!!!!”
But that just couldn’t last for six whole frigging weeks, dudes.
Much like I did during sugar-free lent, I’ve hit the rut. The part of the process that sucks. All of that mojo from the beginning has faded, and now I’m stuck in the middle of it, and all I can think about is food. And NOT healthy food.
Here’s part of the problem: I got a big taste of the bad stuff on the weekend. I strayed from my meal plan, my willpower wavered, and I succumbed to temptation. Especially on Friday evening when I was at a function that featured my biggest nemesis, the ever-delicious Costco vanilla cream-filled cake. (I avoided it at Canada Day, but just couldn’t resist it on Friday night. I tried not to look at it all evening, but then JUST before I left, I snaffled on to a piece of it. Seriously. I suck.) And especially on Sunday, when I was hit with one of those “I need to eat EVERYTHING. NOW.” phases and literally hopped around my mom’s house woofing down Triscuit crackers and Kraft Singles and frozen yogurt and fruit and popsicles and lordonlyknowswhatelse.
(couldn’t do that at my own house, because my fridge and cupboards are only stocked with pieces of bark and meager berries, of course.)
I got back on track on Monday and thankfully didn’t do too much damage to my progress thus far, but that feeling of empowerment that I had three weeks ago when I started eating strictly healthy foods again and following a 7-day-a-week workout regimen seems to have gone the way of the do-do bird.
Last night, I had an unexpected sleepover with my 8-year-old nephew Caden. My sister dropped him off around 7, and she wasn’t hardly out the door until he was requesting a snack. Because that’s what you do when you spend the night at Auntie Jilly’s – you get showered with wonderful junky snacks!!!
You can imagine his deep disappointment when, instead of suggesting a trip to the treat store, as per usual, I instead marched him over to the fridge, opened the door, scanned the skimpy contents, and offered him yogurt or grapes.
He looked at me with the same look of disdain of someone who’d just been offered fried farts & onions.
I scoured a little deeper, and found a bunch of little freezies in my freezer, of which he ate four or five. I know, a little freezie wouldn’t have done me much harm, but I had already eaten my allocated calories for the day, and one of my rules is to not allow myself to be swayed further once I’ve hit that mark. Even if it is just a 15 calorie mini freezie.
But worse than depriving myself of a stinkin’ little freezie was sitting there on the couch, torturing myself with thoughts of what he and I could be enjoying if I’d just give in and take him to the store for a treat. I should be getting him an ice cream treat, and letting him pick out a bag of chips – he’d probably go for the Doritos. He loves Swedish Berries, I should be getting him a bag of those too. Oooooh and Peanut M&M’s!!!!
I wonder if he likes ketchup chips?
Haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since.
Chips are one of my biggest cravings, and I go through different stages of flavor cravings. Some days it’s Wavy Lays with dill pickle dip. Some days it’s Sour Cream & Onion. All Dressed Ruffles. Salt & Vinegar. Cool Ranch Doritos. Dill Pickle. Cheesies – especially the ones at the bottom of the bag that have soaked up all the grease. mmmmm.
They all have their day in the sun.
But last night (and today), it’s definitely Ketchup. Old Dutch brand, to be specific.
Instead, I made myself a cup of tea, and found him a packet of hot chocolate. (You can tell times are tough when the treats are mini freezies and a packet of old hot chocolate. The only good news is that it was a rainy, dreary summer night, so tea and hot chocolate were sorta semi-appropriate.)
I know I’ll feel good about standing firm on this decision some day. But right now, it just hurts.
Now I’m just trying to force the thoughts of ketchup chips from my brain. One of my biggest goals in all of this is to not reach the end and then over-indulge, as I did after Lent. That just sent me on a huge out-of-control spiral that I was unable to recover from.
I mean, it will be my birthday, and then I’ll be going on vacation, so of course there will be a few treats in the days following the conclusion of The Six-Week Plan. But I’m doing my very best to stop myself from listing all the things I’m going to treat myself with when this is over.
The objective is not to think of it as being “over”. Because, as I’ve said a million times, this really and truly will never be over.
I can’t reach a goal and then let myself go all willy-nilly. It just doesn’t make sense. It just cancels out all the good I’ve done for myself in the weeks leading up to it.
All that being said…the first thing I might very well do after I get into that bikini (ha!) is march down to the store and buy a bag of ketchup chips.
Just a little bag.
Now if that’s not gonna be a show for the people on main street in Quyon, I don’t know what is.