That's A Wrap for the NHL

OK, I'm not even done watching the 2007 NHL Awards, but I've decided to go ahead and type up my re-cap. There's only twenty minutes left...I'm sure I'm not going to miss much, judging by how it's gone so far. Yeah...It's been pretty lame.

I'm not sure why I've even bothered watching this long, seeing how there were absolutely NO Ottawa Senators nominated. How friggin' ridiculous is that? But I have taken a few notes on the show thus far, and I've created a few of my very own Awards:

Best Moment of the Night (for me): The Ray Emery montage right off the top of the show, displaying his various flamboyant wardrobe changes. What a sexy beast. Even in powder-blue.

Most Annoying Red Carpet Host: Tyler Stewart of the Barenaked Ladies. And I love the Barenaked Ladies. But he's really annoying.

Weirdest Moment: Cassie Campbell feeling the beard of one of the members of Finger 11 on the Red Carpet. Ummm...Ok....

Hottest Rocker: Not a whole lotta competition here, but I never knew how handsome the lead singer of Finger 11 was!! (And that is not the one who had Cassie Campbell's fingers running through his facial hair...)

Hottest NHLer Despite Being So Short: Martin St. Louis...I hated him a few years back in the playoffs, but he is a cutie. Even though he's miniature.

Hottest Young Player Who I Used To Think Looked Like A Goose But Is Actually Quite Handsome: Jordan Staal.

Another Player Who I Never Knew Was Hot: Henrik Lundqvist.

Hottest Presenter: George Strombolompoulapamous. Why did I spend all those years lusting after that squirt Rick Campanelli? George was clearly the hottest talent to come out of Much Music!

The Zdeno Chara Award for Ugliest NHLer in Attendance: Roberto Luongo. God, he's ugly.

Greatest Moment as a Sens Fan: Seeing Dany Heatley being named to the First Team All-Stars. Yay, Dany!! Atta get us on the show!!

Most Painful Moment as a Sens Fan: Watching all those clips of the Ducks hoisting the Cup and celebrating in the opening segment. Apparently my wounds are still raw.

Most Touching Moment of the Night: Phil Kessel receiving the Masterton Award for missing only 12 games while battling testicular cancer at the age of 19. It was impossible not to get choked up during the presentation, especially watching his dad fighting back tears and mouthing the words of his speech with him.

Biggest Screw-Up by Scott Oake on the Red Carpet: In an interview with Calder candidate Jordan Staal, Scott asks, "Jordan, you're in some pretty good company for Rookie of the Year, along with your teammate Evgeni Malkin and...uh...uh...ummmmmmm...I'm gonna need you to help me out, here, Jordan, who was the other nominee??" Staal looked embarassed for Scott as he quickly offered, "Paul Statsny." Yep. Just call him Oake The Joke.

The Few-And-Far-Between Funny Lines of the Night:
- On the Red Carpet, Kelly Hrudey asks wrestler Trish Stratus what she's most looking forward to on the night, and she says, "Hanging out with the Leafs, 'cause they're all gonna be here, right? Oh...wait...I guess not..."

- Ron MacLean, after his rambling and highly un-witty opening 'monologue', says, "OK, we gotta get things rolling here, NBC is about to cut to a horserace."

- During Carolina Hurricane Rod Brind'amour's acceptance speech for winning the Selke, he says, "Please, while I'm backstage, could someone explain to my son why I cannot let him wear an Alex Ovechkin jersey to my home games..." Easily, the biggest laugh on the night.

Alrighty, so that's about it...But Because the Sens were completely shut-out of the league-wide awards despite winning the Eastern Conference Championship and making it to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in modern history, I've decided to do my own awards, presented solely to Ottawa Senator players. Luke helped me a little with this, but I think I've made the right choices.

Hart Trophy - for MVP: Daniel Alfredsson. He's the heart and soul of this team, hands down. This selection was an easy one.

Lester B. Pearson Award - MVP as selected by the players: OK, I didn't actually poll the Sens, but I would guess they'd pick Alfie again. He's their captain, and they all have the utmost respect for him.

Vezina Trophy - Best Goaltender: Ooooo...Toughie. I guess I'll go with Martin Gerber.

KIDDING!! Of course it's Razor Ray Emery!!!!

Norris Trophy - Best Defenceman: No question, this one goes to Wade Redden. Now, Luke argued that he would've given this award to someone else. Like Anton Volchekov. Or Chris Phillips. Or Tom Preissing, Joe Corvo, Andrej Meszaros, or Christoph Schubert. I think he even mentioned Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza. But I love Wade, and these are my awards, so he gets it. Period.

Calder Trophy - Rookie of the Year: I don't think we had any official "rookies", aside from Alexei Kaigorodov, who didn't even survive training camp, and who we eventually traded to Phoneix for Mike Comrie. So I'm gonna give this award to Patrick Eaves, because he's probably one of our youngest guys who played his heart out every night and I think he's super-cute.

Selke Award - Best 2-way Player: I'm presenting this one to Mike Fisher, though Luke fought hard for Chris Kelly. Both great 2-way players, but Mike's got more experience. Plus, he's way hotter.

Lady Byng Award - Most Gentlemanly Player: I really didn't know who to pick for this. While I don't consider any of my boys dirty, none of them are exactly sweethearts on the ice. So I have no clear-cut choice, and I guess that's a good thing, since Luke called this the Fruitcake Award. His pick was Jason Spezza, but I'm giving it to Peter Schaefer. He's all grit and tough along the boards, and from what I can remember, spends very little time in the box. But definintely not a Fruitcake.

Rocket Richard Trophy - Most Goals Scored: This one was pretty easy. Dany Heatly, the only 50-goal scorer on the squad.

Art Ross Trophy - Most Points: I don't know this answer without doing research. My first guess was Heatley, but Luke thought maybe Alfie had caught up by the end of the year. Ah, hell, they can share it.

Bill Masterton Award - Player who overcomes insurmountable odds: None of our players had any huge, insurmountable odds, like major surgery or cancer or any thing drastic like that this season, like Kessel's battle with testicular cancer. But not that long ago, one of our guys was an Atlanta Thrasher who was behind the wheel when he crashed his car and killed his teammate, Dan Snyder. That guy was Dany Heatley. He has since changed addresses by joining the Sens, and thanks to the forgiveness offered to him by the Snyder Family and the NHL, Dany is now a back-to-back 50-goal scorer on an Eastern Conference Champion team. As far as I'm concerned, no player deserves this award more than him. I'm proud to have him in a Sens uniform.

Jack Adams Trophy - Coach of the Year: Hmmm...Guess this one goes to Bryan Murray, the pride of Shawville and my mom's best friend! (hahahaha...) Gotta admit, it was fun to be around Shawville during the Stanley Cup hype. Here's hoping they sign him for another few years, and that the Cup finally makes a stop in the Pontiac!

So that's a wrap on the 2006-2007 NHL Season. OK...Now I'm really done talking about hockey, I swear...