Where's the fast-forward button?

A little update on how life is now that things have changed so drastically...

• I still can't believe how quickly things got scary with the covid-19 pandemic.  When I left work last Thursday, my co-worker was still insisting their Mexico trip was on, and most of the drastic measures that are now in place still seemed so unrealistic.  By yesterday, I was scared to have to leave the house to come to work.  It still shocks me how much changed in the span of four days.
• For me, the reality of it all really came down on Sunday.  That was the first day I truly took seriously the "social distancing" measures put in place.  For weeks, I had joked that when that day came, I would be soooo good at it.  As it turns out?  Not so much.  I had anxious knots in my stomach, I was on pins and needles, and by afternoon the tears started.  I couldn't get them under control.  I went to visit my mom, we went for a walk, we talked, and I thought I was OK.  I returned home and started to cry again.  A quick decision was made that I should pack a bag and move in with my mom for the time being.
• There are so many things about this whole situation that terrify me, but the greatest one on Sunday was the thought of being told not to leave my house - potentially for weeks, maybe even months - and that feeling of total isolation, being completely alone, rocked me to my core.  I am a hermit who lives alone and has never minded being alone - in fact, I usually quite enjoy it - but not this time.  
• I'm pretty sure I had another mini nervous breakdown yesterday morning.  I was trying to think of any way in the world I could avoid going into the office, but I really don't have any other option.  I know the risk is very low, there are only a few of us in the office and we are at a time of year when the number of people coming through the door every day is small.  But still, I had worked myself into such a frenzy that by the time I got there, I basically walked through the doors and burst into tears.  I don't think anyone knew how to handle me, so things were just very quite for a while.  Thankfully, I calmed down and I actually do believe it was very good for me to keep busy throughout the day.  It just took me a while to get there.
• For those of us who deal with mild anxiety on a daily basis, this situation sure has ramped things up on that front.  I go through a normal day and I'm usually able to deal with it without having to take extreme measures.  Tea, essential oils, soothing activities.  Now, though, I honestly think I would benefit from some kind of medication.  However, I have no desire to go anywhere near a doctor's office, nor do I think they need to be burdened by the likes of me who just can't keep their shit together while there are much bigger things going on in the world.  So... I will carry on.  I will remind myself that I will be OK.  I will tell myself that this, too, shall pass.
• My doctor has always had the ability to calm me down better than anyone else can.  I honestly wish I could just sit for ten minutes and talk to him.  I have joked that I wished he could hold a group therapy session.  Of course, that would mean a gathering of people, so no, we can't do that, but maybe he could Skype? Or Facetime?  Talk me through it?  Come on Dr. Mac!!!
• I think for many of us, the unknown is so very scary right now.  How long is this going to last? There is no end date.  Initially things were closing down for two weeks.  Now in many places that is being extended.  Weeks. Months.  Who knows??  I can think of many scary situations.  Scenarios that terrify me.  But this one is worse because of how long it could possibly drag on.  Take, for example, a tornado.  Scary as shit.  But the tornado hits, and it makes a mess, and it's devastating.  But it goes away.  You check to make sure everyone is OK, then you go to work cleaning up and re-building.  Please don't think I'm downplaying the gravity of a tornado.  I just mean that it happens, it's over, and you start the process of dealing with it.  I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS VIRUS!!!!!  I just want to push the fast-forward button.  I always say to never wish the days away, but I'm wishing these days away.  BIG time.
• OK. I'm probably not helping anyone by writing doom and gloom blog posts.  But it does help me to vent about this stuff and get it off my chest.  I hope you are all doing well, staying safe, keeping your distance where it all possible, washing your hands... hanging in there!  We will get through this!  We have to!!!!