Let's hold that "Master Crocheter" idea...

Oh, you guys.  I had a dream.  I had a dream of being a Crocheting Queen.  I had a dream of picking up a crochet hook and a ball of yarn, and absolute MAGIC would happen.

I have no idea why I thought this was possible.  I have only made one foray into yarn crafting before, and it was when I was a kid and my mom tried to teach me how to knit.  I remember deep frustration, hot tears, and total anger at my fat fingers that just wouldn't work the way they were supposed to.  I knit one little scarf that was barely big enough for my dog, wrapped it around his neck, and approximately 10 minutes later he had chewed it up and left little bits of coloured yarn all over our garage.

That was the beginning and the end of my knitting career. 

And I honestly had no interest in taking anything like that up again until recent weeks, when suddenly I got the urge to learn to crochet.

Not only to learn how to crochet, but to become an expert at crocheting.  Instantly.

The memories of my knitting fiasco still lingered, but surely that was because I was so young.  Just a little 10-year-old girl.  Now, as an adult, it would come more naturally.  I would understand the mechanics of it much better.  I have an artistic flair, and that would somehow translate to crocheting.  I'd pick it up quickly now, and be off!  Crocheting hats and scarves and blankets for family and friends, and building an inventory for my little side business!!

Do you know how sure I was that this was going to come to me right away?  I made a list of names for my little crocheting side business.  That's right, I was brain-storming names for a business that did not even exist yet.

And after last night, I'm fairly certain that little crocheting side business will never exist.

The "Learn How to Crochet" kit arrived in the mail yesterday.  I stopped in at my mom's after work to steal a ball of yarn from one of her bins, and because she was so sure I'd never pick it up from reading an instruction booklet, she gave me a lesson.  And then, all of a sudden, I was 10-years-old again.  Frustrated and angry and... what's that??... are those TEARS in my eyes???

My fingers are still fat.  They still fumble around.  The hook keeps getting snagged.  Mom goes too fast.  I have no idea how to start.  The instruction booklet might as well be written in Russian.  I worked all night on this little wee red square that doesn't even look like a square anymore.  And my wrists and fingers were cramped and sore from the little work I had done.

How on EARTH would I ever manage to make something REAL???

It was a far, far cry from the image of "Hygge" I had dreamed up in my head.  I pictured little ol' me, sitting by soft lamp light in the evening, snug on my couch, with a ball of yarn and a pattern and a cup of hot tea beside me, quietly crocheting away, only having to keep one eye on my work as I watched TV.  Because, you know, I was just going to be that good at it. 

Sigh. 

I think I'm going to take the suggestions of some of my Facebook friends and watch some Youtube videos.  I worked on single crocheting last night and now I want to move on to double crocheting, but I cannot for the life of me understand what the book is telling me to do.  And yes, of course, my mom can show me, and I think she already did show me last night, but I was not catching on at all.

I'm pretty determined that I'm going to learn, though.  I'm not going to let that first try of frustration and failure stop me like I did when I was 10.  I really do want to get the hang of this and hopefully get good at it someday...

But that dream of being amazing at it right off the bat?  Being able to read a pattern and just produce it perfectly as I had hoped?  Not gonna happen.

Looks like I'm just going to have to practice.  Imagine that. 

I'll keep working on my little square that looks more like a triangle.  Maybe someday it will turn into a blanket.