Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Don't Call Me A "Twi-Hard"

The summer is flying by. I can't believe it's already July 15th.
Almost three weeks since Michael Jackson's death, and I think the tabloids and press are finally starting to move on from wall-to-wall 24/7 MJ coverage.
And what about Dany Heatley? Oh, still nothing. He demands a trade, then declines a trade, and the news today is that he's dodging Captain Alfie's phone calls. He remains a 5-star douchebag in my books.
Okay, let's talk about the weather. It's gloriously sunny and a beautiful high of 25 out. First day in weeks that it hasn't been cold with a chance of showers, rain, or thunderstorms.
Yeah. So far, this summer blows. At least, weather-wise.

So. I've spared you from my Twilight ramblings during my past 3-week hiatus, and even beyond that. So it's time we dip back into the world of vampire lore.

Except this time, rather than admitting and explaining my deep love for all things to do with Stephenie Meyer's smash-hit literary saga or the first movie it has already spawned, I'd actually like to discuss why I'm stepping back from the phenomenon.

Don't get me wrong. I still adore the books and I'm anxiously awaiting the cinematic release of New Moon this coming November, which will bring to life the second book in the series. And yes, I have a daily circuit of blogs and websites I check for Twilight updates.

But please, whatever you do, don't call me a "Twi-Hard".

That's the term that fans of Twilight have pinned on themselves to distinguish them as the biggest, bestest fans in the world.

Unfortunately, they're starting to get a bad rap. Everyone's making fun of them for being psycho. And I gotta admit - from what I'm seeing and hearing, they kinda are.
Let's take exhibit A: Robert Pattinson, who has shot to superstardom after playing the role of the irrisistable vamp Edward Cullen in the first movie, has literally been stalked by Twi-Hards ever since the movie was released. For the longest time, R.Pattz waved for the cameras, politely signed autographs, and smiled for all the ga-ga tweens, teens, and Twilight moms who surrounded him every step he took.

But for the past month or so, he's been on-set in New York filming his up-coming movie Remember Me, and it's safe to say the novelty of being Edward Cullen has worn off for Rob. Photos from the set have increasingly captured him trying to duck around wearing ball caps, hoods, and dark shades. He doesn't smile much anymore. He looks like he just wants to disappear.

One of the times he did end up in a swarm, a Twi-Hard almost strangled him trying to declare her love.
Uh. Yeah. That's gonna make him want to be with you forever, chick.

Add in the fact that the gossip rags can't seem to let go of this unrelenting desire to link him romantically to his on-screen love, Kristen Stewart, makes me pretty sure the real-life Edward and Bella are wondering what they ever got themselves into.

She is currently filming The Runaways, a biopic in which she plays rocker Joan Jett. I'm not sure when she was last in the same room with Pattinson. She has an alleged boyfriend, and he has allegedly been with every single woman in Hollywood. And yet, they still are determined Rob and Kristen are madly in love. The latest? She's pregnant with their love-child.

Oh, and don't try to tell the Twi-Hards it's all hooey. That gets them realllllly pissed.
Need another example of how ridiculously retarded this group of fans are?

In New Moon, Edward vanishes in hopes of giving Bella back her 'normal' life, and she flounders in the grief of losing her true love. She befriends Jacob Black, a descendant of the Quileute native tribe, who lives on a near-by reservation called La Push, and who we later find out is actually a werewolf, along with a pack of his Quileute brethren.

I know, I know...Just play along, for the sake of the Blog. Okay?

Okay. So, Jake becomes Bella's nearest and dearest friend, and he tells her about how some of the guys go cliff-diving at La Push for thrills. Bella, in the wake of losing Edward, has discovered that the only time she hears Edward's voice in her head is when she's doing something dangerous or risky. And even though his silky-smooth voice is always angry and reprimanding her for putting her life in jeopardy, she craves it. She would do anything to hear it.

So in a very pivotal chapter of the book, Bella goes cliff-diving alone and would have drowned had Jacob not magically appeared to save her.

Still with me?
Here's where the Twi-Hards come in. Not long ago, there was a massive US Coast Guard rescue mission near the real La Push beach in Washington State. It appears some twisted fan of the book made his (yes, it was a guy) way out to an island nearby that had high, craggy cliffs, and then dove into the water below, apparently in an attempt to re-create the scene from the book.
Yep. Some of these people need to seriously remember to take their crazy pills in the morning.

Due to all of these stories, and so many more that I could tell, I would like to thank Twi-Hard Nation for attempting to suck me into their weird world of fandom, but I'll decline. I've been called obsessed by friends before, but I don't think I'd quite make it in the Twi-Hards' league. I am the girl who, upon meeting Wade Redden the one & only time, at a fundraising function, was unable to speak. Literally couldn't say a word. I stood gape-mouthed with my eyes popping out of my head while Brenda did all the talking for me.
Then again, maybe that makes me a whole 'nother kind of crazy.


Kathleen said...

I skipped over the Twilight part but people need to leave that poor fellow alone and get a life.
Dany Heatley is a large douche but you gotta wonder about Clouston, he can't find a role for a 50 goal man? Odd.
Please treat Kovy well. He's frustrating has hell but he's one hell of a player and a good guy. I'm taking good care of Jacques here, pimping him to all the non believers. He'll be the toast of the town by December.

Johnathan Tiberious Nash said...

Jill has "the crazy" foa-shoa.

PS- Phil says "Hi!"

Jill said...

At least I don't call my drunken alter-ego "PHIL"

(But I'll hopefully see him Saturday night.)