I've quit watching Entertainment Tonight to get updates on the investigation into his death, I've pretty much ignored the "was it an overdose or not?" frenzy, and I've even stopped leafing through my copy of last week's People magazine, in which, of course, his death was front-page news.
But still, I think about Heath Ledger, many times throughout the day. I'll suddenly remember a scene from "10 Things I Hate About You" (one of my favourite movies in high school that I watched over and over again), or from "A Knight's Tale" (one of my favourite movies in college that I watched over and over again), and it kind of takes my breath away in this weird, surreal way.
How can he be gone?
I know that Heath Ledger is not the first young actor to die before his time, but I guess he's the first one that has really affected me. I wasn't exactly Heath's #1 die-hard fan or anything like that, but if I heard he was in an upcoming flick, I'd get excited about it, and make a mental note to go see it. He was definitely one of my favourite actors, and it's still unsettling to me to know that he's no longer out there, making movies and living his life.
Last week, in the wake of his death, I went out and bought two movies that Heath starred in that I did not already have in my large DVD collection: "Four Feathers" and "Brokeback Mountain". I wanted to own as much of Heath as I possibly could, so that I can make him come alive on my TV screen anytime I want.
Strangely enough, I haven't been able to bring myself to watch either of them yet. I watched several movies over the weekend and the past few evenings - "Hairspray" and "X-Men" (thanks to my new James Marsden fetish), and "300" (hello, Gerard Butler). Each time I went to pop a disc in the DVD player, I toyed with idea of watching one of Ledger's movies, but I just couldn't do it.
I'm really not sure why. It's like it's still too raw and unbelievable to me, and while I've seen many pictures and shots of him on TV, I'm still not ready to sit down and watch any of the movies he actually starred in, even though I've already seen most of them. Very odd, considering he's in my thoughts so often these days.
I guess the truth is I'm not ready to let him go yet. I'm not ready to move on. Rather than watching his movies and remembering the great actor he was, I'd prefer to imagine he's still out there, walking the streets in Brooklyn in his grungy clothes, Matilda on his shoulders, a little smirk on his face.
Yeah. That's definitely the Heath I want to remember...
5 comments:
yeah Jill I know what you mean. my feelings aren't nearly as intense as yours but sometimes I think just think "wow he's dead." seems like all that talent and potential pissed away on drugs. Its very sad. he could have been one of the best.
Okay, so I do realize that the following comment may get me some much unwanted Silent Treatment from Jill... but common already... hundred, millions of people die all the time from famine, drought, aids, war, you name it they are dying... Heath wasn't even trying to better the world... he just tried to lay low with all his money. Sure he died... It's tragic, for a DAY! Now we should be focusing on other things. I don't mind reading about the SENS... I don't mind reading about your movie updates. But we already paid tribute to this guy onthe blog... He's no Angelina Joly, she's out there in Africa helping kinds and donating money. Sure she broke up Brad and Jennifer... but at least she's doing something productive with her money.
That's my peice, I will stop here. Maybe I am jsut feeling narcsitic today... who knows.
yo Angela is a ho. I don't care about good deeds when they are only for a self serving purpose. I think she is just doing it to attract attention to herself. her movies aren't any good and she is a weirdo who made out with her brother at an awards show.
People still obsess over James Dean and Buddy Holly. Sure, you think that Ledger hasn't reached that status but you only reach it over time. I think he was that good and in 50 years he's gonna be in all those pop art poster with Bogie and Sinatra and Dean and whomever else kicks the bucket young and beautiful between now and then.
And this is also Jill's World, so I believe she writes about whats going on in her world.
I want to see more blogs about Clint Eastwood though. Thats my only concern.
Well, thank you, Kathleen. You're right, I do Blog about what's going on in my world, and Heath Ledger's death was pretty big in my world, and I didn't feel my one blog on his death really captured how much it affected me. Plus, it was kind of a slow news day, if I'm being entirely honest...
Don't hold your breath for any Clint Eastwood Blogs, though. Those are the movies my dad watches that I have no interest in!!
no problem Jill. I'm sure if one of my favourites died suddenly I'd be very upset too. though I do think the media coverage has been really overblown.
I used to think Clint was just someone that dads liked. I figured he was just a dummy actor who got rich by playing the same part over and over again. How dumb I was. Not only is he amazingly talented but his recent films are insanely humane. He's never been respected because he doesn't act like a typical "artist", coming in late (ha!), being disorganized and acting like a flake. I've seen so many of his movies and even his lesser efforts have class written all over them.
Not to mention that when he was young he was a total hunk.
Sens blog today? I'm home with the flu and I need a good laugh.
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